Friday, November 20, 2009

Books 'Bout Boys: Packaging Boyhood

Like it or not, the media has a massive effect on today's boys.
That's why I was so excited to see Packaging Boyhood: Saving Our Sons from Superheroes, Slackers and Other Media Stereotypes, a new book by Lyn Mikel Brown, Sharon Lamb and Mark Tappan. Today, they share with us an excerpt about boys and drinking -- and as a resident of Wisconsin, a state that consistently leads the nation in binge drinking, I agree that it's high time we started paying attention to the unconscious messages we send our sons.

According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, males age 12 or older report higher rates than females for all measures of alcohol use and abuse, including binge drinking and alcohol dependence.

No wonder. The party-hardy atmosphere is everywhere they are – from about age 5 and up. We’re not talking about the ubiquitous beer commercials during Monday Night Football, the crazy liquored-up antics on VH-1 or MTV reality shows, or even the champagne drinking players in rap videos. We’re talking cartoons, G-rated films, and tween TV. Whether it’s the Poison Apple Pub in Shrek or the cool bar on the beach where the Madagascar friends hang out, socializing in animated films often means drinking.

And just like it is in real life, over-indulging leads to trouble-making and stupid behavior. Elliot the deer and Boog the bear, two buddies in the animated film Open Season, trash a country store after getting “drunk” on candy bars. Buzz Lightyear drinks too much “tea” in Toy Story, and his friend Woody tries to sober him up. In his movie, SpongeBob SquarePants has a terrible hangover from his ice-cream bender of the night before.

But why let the elementary school set have all the fun? Nothing says cool to a “tweenager” more than a good out of control party. TV shows targeting tweens help kids imagine being a mythic teenager; you know, the guy who has the hot babes and the fun parties, who hangs in clubs, dorms, and other places where there are no pesky, dopey, intrusive, nagging parents; the guy who has no homework or after school job and who doesn’t actually work hard at anything.

That’s why the boys in The Naked Brothers Band, a Nick show about a group of precocious preteens living the rock star dream, do their best to imitate the kinds of problems parents are trying to control. In their first movie, a mockumentary of their rock star rise to fame, then six-year-old bad boy drummer Alex develops a lemon-lime soda addiction. When their original band breaks up, he binges in a bar scene, chugging like a frat boy, and ends up in a luxury rehabilitation Soda-holics at Sea program.

Then there’s bad boy Zack on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, a show about twin tweens living it up in a luxury hotel (the new version of the show has them living it up on a luxury cruise ship—more babes in bikinis!), who sets up his own underage dance club in the hotel lounge. The boy “bartender” pushes sugary soda to shy, nice girl, Barbara, and after chugging root beer – “Hit me again!” – she takes her hair down, whips off her glasses and starts dancing suggestively while the crowd shouts, “Go Barbara! Go Barbara!” It’s a nerdy boy’s dream when she staggers to Cody and kisses him hard on the mouth.

Most of these preteen shows feature 8-14 year olds running their own lives in a world created for them by adult writers who know how to create a pseudo-sanitized version of Entourage. All the themes, expectations, and desires are there—but it’s okay because the drinks they’re chugging aren’t really alcoholic and the come-ons and references to hot girls don’t really lead to the party-house bedroom. But there’s no missing the staggering around and slurred speech or the wild, loose behavior as anything but an imitation of the real thing.

So what’s a parent to do? Watch these shows and movies with your son. Help him understand what’s really being sold with those funny antics and silly situations, and discuss the behavior you see.

Here are a few “typical boy” behaviors to look out for in his media:

Koolaid or soda chugging in ways that suggest chugging a beer;
Doing "jello shots", even when it's just jello.
Getting crazy, acting goofy or doing stupid things after drinking sugary sodas or some other beverage.
Sharing woes or drowning troubles in a bar or saloon;
Living a party social life in clubs, dorms, or on the beach, chilling with sodas or drinks in beer mugs, champagne flutes, or cocktail glasses.

It will be nearly impossible to protect him from a “drinking is a rite of passage for boys” media message, so start these conversations early. Put his natural powers of observation to work, teach him to question advertising, and help him know when to say no to this version of “boys will be boys” behavior!

Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed.D., Sharon Lamb Ed.D., and Mark Tappan, Ed.D. are authors of Packaging Boyhood: Saving Our Sons From Superheroes, Slackers, and Other Media Stereotypes.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Are Plastics Turning Boys Into Girls?

Ok, that might be a bit inflammatory. But the recent news that in-utero exposure to phthalates affects boys' play preferences in preschool is big news all the same.

The study tracked 145 pregnant women and, ultimately, their sons. Researchers measured the phthalate content of the mothers' urine and then later asked the mothers questions about their sons' play behavior between the ages of three and six. The findings? The boys whose mothers were exposed to the highest levels of phthalates were five times more likely to have a less-masculine play score.

Before you get all up in arms about "male" or "female" play, consider your own sons. I'm guessing that most of them showed a proclivity for guns long before you introduced weapons to your home. I'm guessing that most of them made truck noises well before their second birthday.

The scientific truth is that male and female brains are different -- and boy brains are wired to show a preference for motion (trucks) over faces (dolls). Researchers speculate that phthalates not only alter the development male reproductive system but the male brain as well.

Pretty scary stuff, especially when you consider this.

I've never really given much thought to phthalates, despite the negative headlines, simply because I don't have the time to worry about everything. But given this latest study, I think it might make sense to decrease our exposure. Step number one? Changing our shower curtain.

Are you concerned about phthalate exposure? What steps, if any, are you taking to decrease your sons' exposure to toxic chemicals?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Poll: Boys & Birth

Looks like we're all over the place when it comes to boys and birth.

After watching the Internet's first live birth, I asked if you'd be OK with your son watching a birth. All in all, we're in favor of it: 28% said 'Yes, definitely," while another 21 % said your son has already seen a birth. An additional 14% have seen a birth on TV.

I myself fall into the fuzzy "Yes, theorectically" category (21%). Let me explain. While I have no problem whatsoever with my boys being exposed to the realities of birth -- and indeed have already looked at some pretty wonderful pictures with the boys -- I answered from the perspective of a mom considering having her sons at her next birth. (Full disclosure: I am most definitely not pregnant.)

I'm pretty liberal in my birthing beliefs. I'm all about natural childbirth and labor support, and fully believe that birth is a natural part of life. My last two children were born at Wisconsin's first free-standing birth center; if I'd lived closer, I would have seriously considered having Boy #4 at home.

But. I know my boys, and I know myself. I know that I can hardly think sometimes when they're in the room. I know that it is next-to-impossible for me to release my sense of responsibility to them. And I know that when I'm in labor, I need to concentrate. So ultimately, although I love the idea of kids being present at birth to welcome their newest sibling, I concluded that having my boys around during an actual labor and birth would be far too stressful for me. For me; you may feel differently.

I also know my boys, and I know that sitting quietly (or even in a relatively subdued manner) is not their thing. While our birth center features a fabulous family room, complete with TV, DVD player and games, I knew my boys would quickly tire of the whole thing. My boys, I concluded, would be more comfortable at home.

And that's where a home birth comes in. If I'd labored at home, if I had someone around to watch, look out for and otherwise run interference with my boys, I would have welcomed my sons at their brothers' births. At home, they would have been free to do what they do -- to sleep, run, play -- while not being excluded from an event central to the life of our family.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to have your son view a birth is highly individual. You have to consider your son, your personality and your resources. For a great article about kids and birth, click here.

Meanwhile, I'd love to hear your stories. If your son witnessed one of your births, what did he think? If he saw one on TV, what did he say? And if you answered, no, you'd rather not let your son watch a birth, why?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Holiday Giveaway: Tag Jr. Reading Bundle

If you've been around for awhile, you know that Blogging 'Bout Boys is all about reading. (Well, about boys - and reading!) We talk about why boys won't read, ways to encourage them and strategies to keep your sons interested in the written word. We even feature Books for Boys, reviews and recommendations of books your sons might enjoy. And occasionally, I give away a fabulous prize designed to encourage a love of reading.

Today, my friends, is one of those days.

I am giving away a Tag Jr. reading bundle, featuring the innovative Tag Jr. reader and two board books, ABC Animal Orchestra and Winnie the Pooh. The set is valued at more than $50.

I still say that reading with your child is the best way to get him interested in books -- but the Tag Jr. adds an additional level of interaction to your experience. It's also great for independent play. Your preschooler can enjoy his books even when you're too busy to "read it again."

Want one for your very own?

To enter:
  • Become a fan of LeapFrog on Facebook. If you don't know how to do this, drop me a line. I'll walk you through it.
  • Leave a comment telling me your favoriate read-aloud book.

For extra entries, you can:

  • Tweet my contest.
  • Subscribe to my blog.
  • Follow my blog.
  • Post about my giveaway on your blog, including a link.

Just make sure to drop me another note, letting me know what you did and when you did it. You can Tweet the contest daily if you'd like; each Tweet = an additional entry.

If you'd like an even better chance of winning, visit these loveley blogs. They're each giving away a Tag Jr. as well!

My contest runs through 11:59 pm CST November 30. That's two whole weeks from now, so you have plenty of chances to win!

Fine print: Contest open to residents of the United States and Canada. Winner will be chosen by using random.org and will have 24 hours to respond to prize notification. If I don't hear from my winner withint 24 hours, another will be chosen by random.org.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Snapshot Sunday: Halloween at Our House

Friday, November 13, 2009

Imposed Stress?

Gutsy Writer, a mom of three boys, had an interesting comment regarding my last blog post.

I'm curious to hear what you think about the difference between boys/men and girls/women, towards stress. I think one of the things that attracts females to males is they are able to remain calm when women "freak" out. So in a way, that's a nice thing for women. Imagine if men said, "I'm worried and stressed about life." Most women worry about everything and if their husband also worried, that would double the stress. So what I'm trying to say is that perhaps boys/men, don't worry as much as girls/women do, and we might be imposing our "stress" feelings on them.

Here's what I think:

I think men and boys do worry. But as I stated in the last blog post, they have a tendency to bottle it up. Men and boys are much more inclined to ignore their stress -- and that, I think, is a dangerous thing.

Women don't necessarily want or need a man who freaks out when the going gets tough. But denying the stress isn't exactly a useful response either. I want my boys to grow up knowing how to handle stressful situations. I want them to learn to recognize their stressful feelings, to view those feelings as a signal to act. Rather than avoiding stressful situations, I want my sons to learn how to proactively handle tough situations. Because like it or not, stress is going to be part of their lives. From money worries to health concernes, stress is unavoidable, I want my boys to prepared to handle it.

What do you think? Do you think women are imposing their version of stress on men? How do you think men and women handle stress differently?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Soothing the Stress

So how do you help your stressed out son?

#1: Recognize that he needs help
The research shows that boys are likely to ignore stress. They may deny their stressful feelings or refuse to think about the issue causing them stress. And while both strategies may work in the short-term, neither is a long-term solution. So your first step as a parent may be to help your son realize that feeling stressed out is a signal, a signal that something needs to change.

#2: Identify and minimize triggers.
If you can, figure out what's bothering your son. If he's young, say under the age of three, it'll be up to you to identify the causes of his meltdowns. Is he hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Try to figure out what's going on, and then take steps to remedy the situation. Also, see what you can do differently next time. If your son has a temper tantrum every time you stop by the grocery store on the way home from daycare, it may be that the grocery store, with its lights and sounds and people, is just too much for him after a day of childcare. Next time, try picking up milk before you pick up your son.

If your son is older, see if he can identify what's causing him stress. Don't be suprised if his first answer is an exasperated, "I don't know." Remember: boys avoid thinking about their stress. Talking through some possible causes ("Your new teacher seems pretty strict") might help him open up.

#3: Get him moving
When a person is stressed, his body enters a stage of fight-or-flight. Adrenaline pumps through his body -- whether or not he needs to flee from a Siberian tiger.

Take advantage of that chemical influx by encouraging your son to go for a run, punch a pillow or do jumping jacks. He may return with a new perspective.

#4: Speak up
Boys' hearing is less acute than girls' anyway. Add in stress, and they're likely to tune you out all together. Don't yell; just speak in a loud, clear voice.

#5: Teach problem solving
After your son has calmed down, talk through the situation. What happened? What would he like to happen? What steps can he take to make that outcome more likely?

Role-modeling is great here. Let your son see you constructively handling stress in your everyday life. Better yet -- let him see his father, uncles, and male neighbors handling stress productively.

What other ideas do you have for helping boys deal with stress?