tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1473387128642021993.post828740601549322263..comments2024-03-05T20:00:47.681-06:00Comments on Blogging 'Bout Boys: Boys, Education and Single ParenthoodJennifer Finkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10568576650343979230noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1473387128642021993.post-5768941810147914272012-01-18T04:21:12.259-06:002012-01-18T04:21:12.259-06:00I agreed with you that boys from single parent hom...I agreed with you that boys from single parent homes are more likely to have behavioral and emotional problems then girls from same background.single parentinghttp://www.singleparentingfordummy.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1473387128642021993.post-68397003294409879362012-01-04T13:40:19.666-06:002012-01-04T13:40:19.666-06:00I'm putting Second Chances on my to-read list....I'm putting Second Chances on my to-read list. Thanks for recommendation!<br /><br />Thanks too for your thoughtful, personal response, especially our last sentence. Your words brought me much comfort.Jennifer Finkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10568576650343979230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1473387128642021993.post-79617725604829765262012-01-04T13:04:55.088-06:002012-01-04T13:04:55.088-06:00Divorce is devastating to children. I'm a chi...Divorce is devastating to children. I'm a child of divorce, and it had a profound affect on my life. However, it simply cannot be a reason to doom children's lives. Why? Because it happens a lot. And look at all the "less than ideal" families that exist today! If we doom children because of that, then we're not living in the present. Now I'm married and I have two boys, and I hope we can continue to offer them a stable homelife, but if something should happen, then I would try to continue doing the same things I'm doing now: communicating, following their interests, listening to my boys, getting outside help if needed. My parents weren't very good at that stuff, and I think that is what hurt me the most. Fortunately, I was finally able to learn from my parents mistakes, and I hope my children can benefit from that.<br /><br />And I think it should be noted that girls simply react differently to divorce than boys. In my twenties I saw a counselor for a brief time and talked about this. She recommended that I read Second Chances by Judith S. Wallerstein, and it really lit a lightbulb for me. I believe she did the first long-term study on divorce. (Just note I read this many years ago, so I'm paraphrasing here to the best of my memory.) She found that boys usually acted out while the divorce was happening. Hence, they would have trouble in school and behavioral problems at a young age. In some ways this was good because they were able to "get it out" at an early age. Girls, however, seemed unaffected by the divorce and continued to do well in school. But the girls would kind of "crash" (my expression) in later in life, usually in their twenties when they were of age to begin serious relationships of their own. This was an ah-ha moment for me because I experienced this. The anger I felt toward my parents did not surface until that age, and I had to deal with it then.<br /><br />Also, for what it's worth, I just pulled down my copy of Second Chances, opened it, and found this quote which I had put a star next to years ago: "Our study clearly finds that the overall psychological adjustment of boys is strongly linked to father-son relationships, whether or not the mother has remarried. The frequency of visits is not the important thing. Rather, the relationship and the kind of person the father is make the difference."<br /><br />As you can see, I highly recommend this book for anyone dealing with divorce. It helped me very much as did her other book, The Good Marriage. (Something this child of divorce needed to know because she doesn't have a good role model.)<br /><br />You and your ex-husband are doing the right things. We all have obstacles we have to surmount in this life. For your boys, it happened early, but with support, they'll find their way, and the hurt may even bring deeper meaning and wisdom to their lives.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com