Bedtime for Boys

As far as regular bedtimes go, most of us fall into the "More or Less" camp.

I'll admit: I wasn't sure what to vote. I'd say we fall somewhere between "More or Less" regular and "No. We have a routine, but..."

We try to have the boys in bed around 8 pm. That's as much for our sanity as their sleep needs. According to WebMD, my 3- and 6-year-olds need 11 to 12 hours of sleep a night; my 8-year-old, 10 to 11 hours. Considering that my 6- and 8-year-olds are usually up by 7, that's about right. The 3-year-old -- well, he's a whole 'nother story. He like to think he doesn't need a nap anymore, but he does. 8 pm to 6 am just isn't enough, and his behavior usually shows it.

But real life often interferes. It's summer, and as I wrote a few days ago, with summer comes softball. Four nights a week, we're at a ball game. And whether it's one of the boys' games (which generally run from 6-8 pm) or one of Dad's games (which could be at either 6:30, 7:30 or 8:30), 8:00 bedtime just ain't happening.

And that's OK. It took me a long, long time to get to this point, but I've finally learned/realized that the time they spend at the ball park (or, say, at Grandma and Grandpa's house, helping with the garden) is essential too.

The kids LOVE going to Daddy's games. Really, it's practically their idea of heaven: treats, playgrounds, minimal supervision and other kids to play with. The homeschool Mom in me heartily approves. Who ever said homeschooled kids lack socialization never saw my boys playing Ghost in the Graveyard with 15 other kids after dark at a ballfield.

I haven't taken a completely unschooling approach to sleep just yet. But I'm getting closer.

Bottom line? You've got to do what works for you.

What's bedtime like at your house?

Help Me Keep My Sanity

This is a blog about boys -- about raising them, educating them and learning with them. With four boys of my own, I've learned that:

1. Boys and girls not *not* interchangeable kids
2. Boys have specific intellectual and emotional needs
3. Boy-knowledge is not innate. More often than not, it's hard won!

But that does *not* mean I know all there is to know about boys. Every now and then (OK, often!) I come across a situation that I just do not know how to handle.

So, dear readers, I'm begging you: Help me!

My youngest son, age 3, seems to be giving up his nap. It started with him constantly getting out of bed at naptime and now has progressed to the point where, if he does manage to nap, he's then up for hours at night. My 3-yr-old kept me company til midnight the other night.

This no-nap thing is incredibly new to me. For eleven years, nap time, a.k.a Quiet Time, has been an essential part of our daily routine. We have lunch, read and then have Quiet Time; the younger kids nap, the older kids have some quiet time to read, work on a project, etc., and MOM HAS SOME ALONE TIME. -- to work, to respond to and send emails, and yes, to blog.

Well, my 3-yr-old is way too active, interested, persistent and young to get the idea of Quiet Time. He'll stay in his room for 5 min., tops, before wandering out to see what else is going on. (Which, of course, disrupts Quiet Time for everyone else.)

I never had this problem before. All of my other kids were 5 or 6 before they finally gave up naps, and by that time, they understand the idea of Quiet Time and were willing and able to play quietly by themselves for 30 min. or so.

But what do you do with a highly active 3-yr-old? Parents, please help me -- how do I handle my son's obvious need for exploration and activity with my need for some quiet, alone time during the day?

The Need for Naps

Naptime -- euphemistically known as "Quiet Time" -- is an essential part of our day. The younger kids nap, the older kids enjoy some quiet alone time and Mom gets some time to relax and unwind.

But apparently, there's more to it. Did you know that proper sleep is an essential component of learning? Sleep helps us secure memories and learn new skills. For children, proper sleep may even be more important. One study shows that sleep-deprived sixth graders perform at the level of fourth-graders.

Getting boys the sleep they need is no easy task, though. My almost-three-year old has discovered the world, and finds crawling in and out of bed and onto his dresser far more amusing than taking a nap. My eleven-year old would rather stay up and read.

They both probably need more sleep than they're getting. According to the experts, my three-year-old should be sleeping at least 12 hours per day; my eleven-year-old, 10-11 hours per day.

That's where naps come in. Far from being optional, naps help children (especially infants and toddlers) meet their daily sleep quota. Look at it this way: naps are at least as important as any other learning activity. According to renowned sleep expert Elizabeth Pantley, "naps – or lack of naps – shape all twenty-four hours of your child’s day. The quality and quantity of your child’s naps influence his mood, behavior, health, and brain development. "

Having trouble getting your little darling to take a nap? Check out Pantley's new book, The No-Cry Nap Solution.