Real Life With Boys

This weekend, I was attempting to hurry my 6-yr-old through his bedtime routine when he started scrawling something on the steamy bathroom mirror.

"Stop th--," I said, my voice trailing off as I suddenly realized what he might be writing.

His finger continued through the condensation, then he pulled back and smiled at me.

"I LUV MOM," the mirror said. I gave a silent prayer of thanks that I managed to stop my tongue mid-hasty reproach, and hugged my son.

He pointed his finger again. Reached for the mirror. And wrote "SUMTIMES" just below "I LUV MOM."

Gotta love that boy's honesty!

Real Life With Real Boys

Photo by Hans S via Flickr

Today, I was the expert, at least for an hour.

I presented a one-hour session about Homeschooling Boys at the Wisconsin Parents Association conference. It was a great experience, as always. (I love talking to other parents about the joys and challenges of raising boys!) But it was also pretty ego-gratifyiing. People came up to me after the session and told me how much they enjoyed the presentation and discussion; one woman told me my session was her favorite of the entire conference! I even had people on the elevator tell me how much they enjoyed last year's session.

Then I came home. The kids were tired and crabby. I was tired and crabby. More than anything in the world, I was looking forward to bedtime. But...

"What's wrong with the freezer?" my 14-year-old asked.

"The freezer? Why?" (Ever wonder why we even bother asking Why? Would my 14-year-old even be aware of the freezer if he didn't need it in some way, shape or form, right now?)

"It's all full of ice and snow," he said. "And my fish are melting!"

I should point out that my 14-year-old is the passionate fisherman of the family. And that he uses the upright freezer to store his dead bait. Which was thawing out. In my freezer.

The smell was AWFUL!

Just like that, my stint as expert was over, and I was reminded, yet again, that real life with boys is never as neat and tidy as it sounds when I discuss or write about parenting boys. Real life with boys is messy and smelly and full of unexpected circumstances.I never imagined that I'd be defrosting the freezer tonight. Or lighting my scented candles to combat Smelly Fish Syndrome. But I am.

So take the experts with a grain of salt. Real life doesn't exist in the pages of a book, and the answers to our real-life problems will never be found tucked neatly in between two covers, or on a blog, or in a speech. Real life takes you places you never meant to go, and suddenly, you're struggling to respond.

Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. And stock up on scented candles.You never know when you're going to need them.

Books About Boys: I'm Outnumbered!

Laura Lee Groves gets me. As another mom of four boys, she fully understands the joys and challenges of raising a houseful of mini-men. That's why I'm thrilled to announce the publication of her book, I'm Outnumbered: One Mom's Lessons in the Lively Art of Raising Boys.

Laura is a high school English and drama teacher who writes to bring encouragement and inspiration to moms. She's has written for Moody Magazine, Focus on the Family’s Focus on Your Child, Coral Ridge Ministries and has penned and directed several madrigal dinner plays.

I recently asked Laura a few questions about the art of raising boys:

What's the hardest thing about being a mom of boys?

To me, feeling so outnumbered. I love my boys, but I have often felt rather isolated, as a woman. There have been times I've felt misunderstood, too, by moms whose lives were so different from mine.

How are the dynamics in a many-boy household different from a one-boy household?

Same thing only more! When there's only one boy, he doesn't have anyone to wrestle with. Increase the number of boys, and the wrestling multiplies exponentially! The dynamics of multiple boys is both fascinating and frightening. When they're a band of brothers, it's wonderful; when they're in competition (so common with boys), it can get crazy.

What would you say are some of the top challenges facing boys today -- and how can parents help?

Media choices, I'd say. Teaching our boys to discern is the key -- guiding and leading them to make wise choices for themselves. The lure of technology is so great and will only grow in coming years. We won't always be there, and our boys needs to know how to maintain balance in the light of that lure.

A lot of boys today seem to be struggling in school. As a teacher and mom of boys, why do you think this is so? What can be done to help boys learn?

Oh, I think there are many reasons, ranging from acceptance of stereotypes (on the part of teachers and parents), lack of understanding of boys by teachers, and the nature of the boy beast (in the current educational atmosphere). The best thing we can do is foster and nurture a love of learning and discovery -- early -- so that it lasts. Next, we need to set the bar for our boys and expect excellence while balancing that with unconditional love. We need to look for their best in all things and be willing to accept their best as their best. We can't tie our acceptance to their educational -- or any other type of -- achievement.

How have your boys helped you grow?

Oh, my. I truly understand the male beast better after raising four of them. They helped develop a different side of me -- helped me keep alive the wonder and discovery and joy of childhood. Even though they're young men, they continue to be captivated by the wonder of discovery, and they drag me along. Practically, my experience with them pushed me to write a book, and I've certainly grown though that process.

Want to know more about Laura? Visit her (wonderful!) blog at www.outnumberedmom.com/.
Want a copy of her book? Enter my contest! Laura has agreed to donate one signed copy of I'm Outnumbered! to one lucky Blogging 'Bout Boys reader. To enter:

• Leave a comment, either telling me one thing you've learned about raising boys or asking a question about boys. I'll answer all questions in future posts.
• Be sure to include your contact info! Please leave an email address, so I can contact you if you're the winner.
• One comment = one entry. (And please, no more than one comment per blog post). To earn additional entries, you can...
• Tweet the contest. Each tweet (up to one per day per entrant) equals one more entry. Please include my Twitter tag (@jlwf) so I know you've tweeted!
• Mention the contest on Facebook. Again, be sure to let me know. (You can find me on Facebook as Jennifer L.W. Fink.)
• Mention the contest in a blog post and include a link back to my blog. I love getting to know other bloggers!

Now for the legal mumbo-jumbo: The contest will run through midnight CST next Friday, September 10. The winner will be drawn at random via http://www.random.org/ and will be notified ASAP. Laura will send the book directly to the winner.

Ready? Comment!

Life with Boys

Am I the only boy-mom who doesn't swoon at the sight of little girls clothes?

I know quite a few moms of boys who wish they'd had a daughter -- not because they yearn for the mother-daughter bond but because they dreamed of dressing a little girl in cute frilly dresses. Like this mom.

When I walk through a mall, though, and see the clothing options available to today's young girls, I'm GLAD I have sons! My sons can get away with a Tshirt and jeans for almost every occasion, and I never, ever have to worry about the length of their skirts or clothing that has "Eye Candy" emblazoned across the butt. My boys are so clueless about clothing that I can place hand-me down clothes in their drawer and the boys will wear some of those hand-me downs, oh, 5 times before looking down one day and asking, "Where'd I get this shirt?"

But let's revisit the girl-clothing-swoooning mama up above. I might not share her fetish for all things pink, but I can definitely relate to her life. I haven't given my boys my wooden dollhouse, but I can totally picture my boys destroying one in less than 10 minutes. And when she talks about her son, who still calls all women "Mama" but correctly identifies cars, trucks and trains, my heart sings with recognition.

As a women, I will never quite understand my sons' predisposition toward guns and trucks and farts. As a mom, though, I'm having a great time exploring their world.

You Know You Have Boys When...

...you tuck your four-year-old into bed with a gun. (Yes, Boy #4 is currently cuddled up to a toy gun.)

...the same four-year-old lovingly bundles his toy skidloader after giving it a bath.

...you read Dodge Vipers for a bedtime story.

...you're actually enthused when your mother announces she's coming over to drop off part of a dead snake.

Care to add to my list?

Back

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

First, life got busy, then blogging got hard. You know how it's hard to go back to the gym when you've been away awhile? Seems blogging is like that too!

But tonight, my Mom and Dad returned from their winter home in Arizona. They're back home -- and I'm back, blogging 'bout boys.

Mom and Dad brought back a ton of presents and as the parents of four boys (and two girls), they know boys well. The boys' gifts included three bags of huge marshmallows (if you don't think this is cool, check the link), some wrapping paper tubes (which the boys promptly began using as swords), a Bob the Builder video and a set of four paint-your-own, wind-up monster trucks. To say the house was noisy after supper is an understatement!

The boys' Uncle T -- aka The Broker -- was here too. Uncle T, an accountant by day, has introduced my boys to the world of finance. Boy #3 was thrilled, because months after discovering that his first Christmas ornament was actually an ounce of silver, Uncle T was finally going to buy it from him! #3 has been tracking silver prices for months, just waiting for an opportunity to sell. So when Uncle T ran out to the car to get a $20, tucked the money into my son's hand and told him to "keep the change," Boy #3 simply grasped the money and smiled. He knew the going price for silver was only about $18. He knew he'd just gotten a deal. Until he realized that the bill in his hand was a single, not a twenty! Uncle T strikes again -- and the boys learn one more lesson.

What's up with you? I'd love to hear what's been going on in your lives!

Boy Mom Eyes

Having a boy (or 2 or 3 or....) definitely changes you. Case in point: I found myself wrestling with my five-year-old niece today. After years of parenting boys, "wrestle" somehow equals "play" in my brain.

Maybe that's why I found Outnumbered Mom's post, The Paradox of Parenting Boys, so intriguing. Head on over. Take a look. Tell me what you think.

Snapshot Sunday: Big Marshmallows

She Said It Better...

...than I ever could.

The evening sent me spinning.
Dizzy from the nonstop
narration,
instruction,
prevention
that I holler out, like a caller at a square dance
for feral cats.

The words are genius, a beautiful word picture of events and emotions all too familiar to moms and dads. Head on over to Boy Crazy to read the rest of her wonderful poem, "current."

The Benefit of Brothers

My six-year-old recently told me, "You know what the good thing about having four brothers is? When we're all grown up, if a dude picks on us, we can take him down!"

He hesitated for a moment, then added, "And we'll have lots of practice from childhood!"

The Lives of Boys

If you read the headlines at all, you might conclude that the boys are either violent or into sports. Today, my Google alert screams, "Teen to be tried as juvenille in Crofton boys' death," while also informing me that the Haddonfield boys soccer team blanked Gateway and that Rutger's Miehe won the 2009 Metropolitan Championship.

As a mom who blogs about boys, I'm reminded over and over again of the stereotypes facing our sons. Sports, violence, sex, music -- that's the focus of most news reports about boys.

That, of course, is just my unscientifc observation. However, a report commissioned by the organization Women in Journalism found that "the word most commonly used to describe teen boys in the media is yobs. Other common words were thugs, feral, louts, hoodies, evil, frightening, monsters, scum and heartless. More than 60% of the stories about teen boys concerned crime – 90% of which showed them in a bad light. Eighty-five per cent of a sample of 1,000 boys thought the press portrayed them negatively." (Did I mention that this is a British organization?)

One British journalist, though, set out to find the real boys buried beneath the sterotypes. Simon Hattenstone's article, "Teen Spirit: The Secret Life of Britain's Teenage Boys" is the most thoughtful, informative and sensitive piece of boy-journalism I've seen yet. It's a bit of a long read, but absolutely worth it. I guarantee it.

What do you think about Teen Spirit? On the whole, do you think boys are doing OK? Do you think the media unfairly presents boys as thugs or trouble?

Bat Boys (or, How My Eight-Year-Old Saved my Life)

I was just minding my own business last night, quietly catching up on some work on the computer, when I noticed it.

Scratch that. I didn't notice *it* first. I noticed the cats.

We have three cats, and two of them were acting mighty strange. They were thumping around the dining room like they were chasing something. A mouse, I thought. It had happened before and probably will happen again.

Then I noticed that the cats were looking up. Ah, I thought, a fly.

But something just didn't seem right. Flies are usually a momentary diversion, and the cats were intense. So I looked up -- and saw a bat flying laps around my dining room ceiling. I was not happy.

After pondering my alternatives, I made what I now consider a genius decision: I called my eight-year-old.

He was sleeping over at the neighbor's house, and when I explained the situation, the boys were more than happy to come home to help. They arrived with butterfly nets in hand.

The bad news is that by the time the boys got here, the bat was nowhere to be seen. They traipsed through the house, looking for said bat, but came up empty handed. (Or is that empty netted?)

Knowing that bats like to hang up high, I suggested they check the curtains. They did -- and found the bat hanging in my bedroom. We promptly closed the door.

Then I went to lay with Boy #4 (who was still awake) in his room (with the door closed!) while Boy #3 and his friend voluntarily entered the room with the bat.

The sounds of their efforts were precious. The boys laughed, plotted, planned and goaded each other on. Clearly, they were enjoying their mission and role as my rescuer.

And you know what? They caught the bat! Fifteen minutes, two butterfly nets and one fishing net later, they released the bat, unharmed, in the backyard. This morning, both were still glowing from the excitement of their adventure.

Lesson learned: If you have brave, adventurous boys around the house, take advantage!

Top 10 Signs You Might Be a Boy Mom

10. You're as excited as your boys are when a bouncy ball rolls into the street -- and is promptly exploded in two by an oncoming car

9. You've had bugs (or reptiles) on your kitchen counter

8. Your laundry piles are predominantly "dark"

7. You know what a skid loader, backhoe and bulldozer are

6. Your bathtub resembles a beach at low tide after the children bathe

5. You laugh at bathroom humor

4. You've ever utttered the words "point down!" while potty training

3. You no longer freak out (completely) when you see your children waving sticks at each other

2. You have at least two of the following toys in your house right now: Legos, blocks, plastic dinosaurs, trucks, light sabers

1. You know there's absolutely nothing in the world like little boy hugs (except, maybe, big boy hugs)

Real Life with Boys

A snippet from an actual conversation I had before 8 am this morning:

Boy #4: "Do you want to hear my poo song? This is hilarious. You might laugh!"

(singing)
"I love poo!
I love poo!
I love poo!
I love poo!

(spoken)
"Laugh!

(more singing)
"I love poo
I love poo poo

(spoken)
"Keep laughing!"

Then...

"I have a pee song too

(Singing again)
"I love pee-pee! I love..."