Raising boys is a lot of work! And if you're like most parents I know, you probably feel likely overwhelmed right now. Winter holiday + already busy schedule + tight family budget = stress.
My question to you is, What are you doing to deal with the stress? A lot of articles and blog posts this time of year focus of cutting back on holiday activities. And while that approach makes sense -- less must-do's = less stress, right? -- what I really want is some time to do nothing.
Can you relate?
It's not easy to take time off when you have kids. Parents don't get sick days, or holidays either. But I'm learning (ever so slowly!) to respect the cravings of my brain and body. When my brain and body scream for a break, I try to take a break.
No, I probably won't be able to take an entire day off, at least not this week or next week. But I can turn off the computer, grab a good book and hop into a hot bath. As a matter of fact, that's what I'm going to do right now.
What do you do when you need a break?
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Friday, November 13, 2009
Imposed Stress?
Gutsy Writer, a mom of three boys, had an interesting comment regarding my last blog post.
I'm curious to hear what you think about the difference between boys/men and girls/women, towards stress. I think one of the things that attracts females to males is they are able to remain calm when women "freak" out. So in a way, that's a nice thing for women. Imagine if men said, "I'm worried and stressed about life." Most women worry about everything and if their husband also worried, that would double the stress. So what I'm trying to say is that perhaps boys/men, don't worry as much as girls/women do, and we might be imposing our "stress" feelings on them.
Here's what I think:
I think men and boys do worry. But as I stated in the last blog post, they have a tendency to bottle it up. Men and boys are much more inclined to ignore their stress -- and that, I think, is a dangerous thing.
Women don't necessarily want or need a man who freaks out when the going gets tough. But denying the stress isn't exactly a useful response either. I want my boys to grow up knowing how to handle stressful situations. I want them to learn to recognize their stressful feelings, to view those feelings as a signal to act. Rather than avoiding stressful situations, I want my sons to learn how to proactively handle tough situations. Because like it or not, stress is going to be part of their lives. From money worries to health concernes, stress is unavoidable, I want my boys to prepared to handle it.
What do you think? Do you think women are imposing their version of stress on men? How do you think men and women handle stress differently?
I'm curious to hear what you think about the difference between boys/men and girls/women, towards stress. I think one of the things that attracts females to males is they are able to remain calm when women "freak" out. So in a way, that's a nice thing for women. Imagine if men said, "I'm worried and stressed about life." Most women worry about everything and if their husband also worried, that would double the stress. So what I'm trying to say is that perhaps boys/men, don't worry as much as girls/women do, and we might be imposing our "stress" feelings on them.
Here's what I think:
I think men and boys do worry. But as I stated in the last blog post, they have a tendency to bottle it up. Men and boys are much more inclined to ignore their stress -- and that, I think, is a dangerous thing.
Women don't necessarily want or need a man who freaks out when the going gets tough. But denying the stress isn't exactly a useful response either. I want my boys to grow up knowing how to handle stressful situations. I want them to learn to recognize their stressful feelings, to view those feelings as a signal to act. Rather than avoiding stressful situations, I want my sons to learn how to proactively handle tough situations. Because like it or not, stress is going to be part of their lives. From money worries to health concernes, stress is unavoidable, I want my boys to prepared to handle it.
What do you think? Do you think women are imposing their version of stress on men? How do you think men and women handle stress differently?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Soothing the Stress
So how do you help your stressed out son?
#1: Recognize that he needs help
The research shows that boys are likely to ignore stress. They may deny their stressful feelings or refuse to think about the issue causing them stress. And while both strategies may work in the short-term, neither is a long-term solution. So your first step as a parent may be to help your son realize that feeling stressed out is a signal, a signal that something needs to change.
#2: Identify and minimize triggers.
If you can, figure out what's bothering your son. If he's young, say under the age of three, it'll be up to you to identify the causes of his meltdowns. Is he hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Try to figure out what's going on, and then take steps to remedy the situation. Also, see what you can do differently next time. If your son has a temper tantrum every time you stop by the grocery store on the way home from daycare, it may be that the grocery store, with its lights and sounds and people, is just too much for him after a day of childcare. Next time, try picking up milk before you pick up your son.
If your son is older, see if he can identify what's causing him stress. Don't be suprised if his first answer is an exasperated, "I don't know." Remember: boys avoid thinking about their stress. Talking through some possible causes ("Your new teacher seems pretty strict") might help him open up.
#3: Get him moving
When a person is stressed, his body enters a stage of fight-or-flight. Adrenaline pumps through his body -- whether or not he needs to flee from a Siberian tiger.
Take advantage of that chemical influx by encouraging your son to go for a run, punch a pillow or do jumping jacks. He may return with a new perspective.
#4: Speak up
Boys' hearing is less acute than girls' anyway. Add in stress, and they're likely to tune you out all together. Don't yell; just speak in a loud, clear voice.
#5: Teach problem solving
After your son has calmed down, talk through the situation. What happened? What would he like to happen? What steps can he take to make that outcome more likely?
Role-modeling is great here. Let your son see you constructively handling stress in your everyday life. Better yet -- let him see his father, uncles, and male neighbors handling stress productively.
What other ideas do you have for helping boys deal with stress?
#1: Recognize that he needs help
The research shows that boys are likely to ignore stress. They may deny their stressful feelings or refuse to think about the issue causing them stress. And while both strategies may work in the short-term, neither is a long-term solution. So your first step as a parent may be to help your son realize that feeling stressed out is a signal, a signal that something needs to change.
#2: Identify and minimize triggers.
If you can, figure out what's bothering your son. If he's young, say under the age of three, it'll be up to you to identify the causes of his meltdowns. Is he hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Try to figure out what's going on, and then take steps to remedy the situation. Also, see what you can do differently next time. If your son has a temper tantrum every time you stop by the grocery store on the way home from daycare, it may be that the grocery store, with its lights and sounds and people, is just too much for him after a day of childcare. Next time, try picking up milk before you pick up your son.
If your son is older, see if he can identify what's causing him stress. Don't be suprised if his first answer is an exasperated, "I don't know." Remember: boys avoid thinking about their stress. Talking through some possible causes ("Your new teacher seems pretty strict") might help him open up.
#3: Get him moving
When a person is stressed, his body enters a stage of fight-or-flight. Adrenaline pumps through his body -- whether or not he needs to flee from a Siberian tiger.
Take advantage of that chemical influx by encouraging your son to go for a run, punch a pillow or do jumping jacks. He may return with a new perspective.
#4: Speak up
Boys' hearing is less acute than girls' anyway. Add in stress, and they're likely to tune you out all together. Don't yell; just speak in a loud, clear voice.
#5: Teach problem solving
After your son has calmed down, talk through the situation. What happened? What would he like to happen? What steps can he take to make that outcome more likely?
Role-modeling is great here. Let your son see you constructively handling stress in your everyday life. Better yet -- let him see his father, uncles, and male neighbors handling stress productively.
What other ideas do you have for helping boys deal with stress?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Don't Let Stress Win
We have a winner!
The winner of the fantasy football book giveaway is MAC Mom. Congrats! MAC Mom is the mother of a not-quite-one-year-old boy and is wondering about potty training. My advice? Wait it out. Because potty training can be stressful, and our boys are stressed out enough already.
(Like that segue?)
Boys today are anxious, and it's not just the potty training ones. But how can you tell if your son is stressed out? According to Dr. Michele Borba, signs of stress include:
Physical Signs
•Headache, neck aches and backaches
•Nausea, diarrhea, constipation, stomachache, vomiting
•Shaky hands, sweaty palms, feeling shaky, lightheadedness
•Bedwetting
•Trouble sleeping, nightmares
•Change in appetite
•Stuttering
•Frequent colds, fatigue
Emotional or Behavioral Signs
•New or reoccurring fears; anxiety and worries
•Trouble concentrating; frequent daydreaming
•Restlessness or irritability
•Social withdrawal, unwilling to participate in school or family activities
•Moodiness; sulking; or inability to control emotions
•Nail biting; hair twirling; thumb-sucking; fist clenching; feet tapping
•Acting out, anger, aggressive behaviors such as tantrums, disorderly conduct
•Regression or baby-like behaviors
•Excessive whining or crying
•Clinging, more dependent, won’t let you out of his sight
Of course, none of these are fail-safe markers of stress. The key is to know your son. What's normal for him? If you know his normal, and something changes, that's a clue. Figure out what's going on.
Tomorrow, we'll talk about some ways to help your sons handle stress. Meanwhile, I'd like to hear from you. How can you tell when your son is stressed out?
The winner of the fantasy football book giveaway is MAC Mom. Congrats! MAC Mom is the mother of a not-quite-one-year-old boy and is wondering about potty training. My advice? Wait it out. Because potty training can be stressful, and our boys are stressed out enough already.
(Like that segue?)
Boys today are anxious, and it's not just the potty training ones. But how can you tell if your son is stressed out? According to Dr. Michele Borba, signs of stress include:
Physical Signs
•Headache, neck aches and backaches
•Nausea, diarrhea, constipation, stomachache, vomiting
•Shaky hands, sweaty palms, feeling shaky, lightheadedness
•Bedwetting
•Trouble sleeping, nightmares
•Change in appetite
•Stuttering
•Frequent colds, fatigue
Emotional or Behavioral Signs
•New or reoccurring fears; anxiety and worries
•Trouble concentrating; frequent daydreaming
•Restlessness or irritability
•Social withdrawal, unwilling to participate in school or family activities
•Moodiness; sulking; or inability to control emotions
•Nail biting; hair twirling; thumb-sucking; fist clenching; feet tapping
•Acting out, anger, aggressive behaviors such as tantrums, disorderly conduct
•Regression or baby-like behaviors
•Excessive whining or crying
•Clinging, more dependent, won’t let you out of his sight
Of course, none of these are fail-safe markers of stress. The key is to know your son. What's normal for him? If you know his normal, and something changes, that's a clue. Figure out what's going on.
Tomorrow, we'll talk about some ways to help your sons handle stress. Meanwhile, I'd like to hear from you. How can you tell when your son is stressed out?
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