Skipping School

I would make a horrible school parent.

My boys are homeschooled during the school year, but this summer, my oldest three are all taking summer school. It seems a bit funny to set alarm clocks and pack backpacks in the summer -- especially when you don't all year -- but hey, I'm a homeschooler. We do things a little bit differently.

Boy #1 wanted to take summer school. He enjoyed Chess and Harry Potter last year, and looked forward to revisiting both. Boy #2 has never taken summer school (or attended "regular" school, beyond one year of preschool), preferring instead to "play outside with friends" in the summer. One problem -- all the friends are at summer school. The program is so popular that there are literally no kids in the neighborhood on summer mornings.

Plus, Boy #2 is a slow-to-warm-up kind of kid. I *knew* there were classes he'd enjoy (isn't Fun & Games just "playing outside with friends?") -- plus I was having babysitter issues and needed a safe place for him to be a couple hours a week while I worked. So I signed him up. While I was there, I noticed that Boy #3, age 6, was eligible as well. I signed him up too.

Despite fighting me the first day, the boys have, all in all, been enjoying summer school. They like seeing their friends each day and push me to get out of the house by 7:35 am so they can arrive before the bell. ("Otherwise all the good computers will be gone, Mom!")

But....

Their enthusiasm is not all encompassing. Summer school is a Monday thru Friday venture, meaning that it includes Wednesdays as well. Wednesdays are Green Market days, and Boy #1 has been selling at the Green Market since he was six. After his mentor died, he was more determined than ever to sell at the Green Market. I let him go. I know my son, and I could tell that selling at the Green Market was an important part of his grieving process. Plus, what's more educational than selling produce to the public? You've got science, math, business, public relations and more, all right there.

That was three weeks -- and three Wednesdays -- ago. He's missed each and every Wednesday (plus a Thursday and Friday, for 4-H camp), and I don't have a problem with that. I know he's doing what he needs to do.

So this morning, when Boy #2 announced in no uncertain terms that he was NOT going to summer school, I decided to let him stay. Something told me that somehow, some way, staying home was more important for him today.

It turns out that he's been feeling overwhelmed by his brothers. With three brothers constantly home, including an older brother who likes to get his own way and two younger brothers who constantly push his buttons, he's been feeling very little peace. What he really wanted (and needed) was some alone time with Mom.

I called and told the school he wouldn't be attending today. We went for a bike ride. We played Qwirkle. And he played for hours on the computer, uninterrupted.

Today, that was more important than school.

Have you ever let your son skip something for something you deemed more important? Tell me about it.

Do We Need a National Commission on Boys?

Boys have some problems.

They're more likely to commit suicide, more likely to struggle in school and more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. Now a new study from psychologist Judith Kleinfeld is bringing additional attention to the problems of boys.

Kleinfeld has studied boys for a long time and the time has come, she believes, to act. "Boys' issues are being neglected, whereas girls' issues have been addressed for over 20 years, with great success," said Kleinfeld, a professor at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks. "Now it's time to turn our attention to boys."

I think the professor has a point. We know what's wrong; the statistics documenting boys' struggles have been well-known for years. And we know what works. Many studies have documented the differences between male and female brains. Numerous research studies -- and years of anecdotal evidence -- have shown that boys learn best when they can get their hands dirty, when they see an immediate application for their learning. We know that boys need role models.

We know all this, yet we have changed little about how we educate and nurture our sons. Kleinfeld believes we need a national commission to tackle the boy problem. She also believes that teachers should "be alerted to the particular problems boys have in writing, and also reading," and that "we can use the mental health professionals and especially school counselors who are on the front lines to identify boys who are at danger of suicide."

What do you think? Do you Kleinfeld is on the right track?

Snapshot Sunday: The July 5th Edition

I call it: Tired Child Surrounded by Parade Candy.

The 4th of July

At this point, the fireworks are iffy.

It rained heavily a couple hours ago, so we're all waiting to see if the pyrotechnics will be shot off as usual. I hope so! There's something magical about snuggling on a blanket with a little boy, long after his bedtime, watching fireworks light up the sky.

The boys did, however, get candy -- and lots of it. A small town near here (and by "small town," I mean small. They've just revised their population sigh to read, "Not many.") that hosts an annual 4th of July parade. It's nothing fancy -- firetrucks, tractors, teenage beauty queens, a couple floats and a band -- but none of that matters to the boys. To the boys, the July 4th parade is all about candy.

By 8 am, they had their candy bags picked out: a paper grocery bag for Boy #4, double-bagged plastic grocery bags for Boy #3 ("in case one gets a hole") and a heavy-duty plastic library bag for Boy #2. Not that I blame them. The July 4th parade was always my favorite too.

Now, the candy has been sorted into little piles. Boy #3 has his candy in multiple plastic containers while Boy #2's bag is heavily guarded and ready to take up to the fireworks tonight. (This child was planning the snack menu by 9 am this morning.)

They boys are currently resting up and keeping their fingers crossed. (Thanks, uncles, for keeping the boys entertained at our afternoon cookout.) With any luck, the fireworks will proceed as scheduled and we'll oooh and aaaah surrounded by family -- and candy.

Enjoy your 4th!

Yes -- or No?

Is "No" your default response?

Kids ask a lot of us, from morning until night. "Can I have cheesecake for breakfast?" "Can I play at a friend's house?" "Could you get me some milk?" "Change me!"

(That last one is from my not-yet-potty-trained three-year-old.)

All the requests, frankly, can be a bit exhausting. With four boys, at 1000 questions a piece per day, that's 4000 questions or 166.6666666 questions per hour! Subtract sleep time and the number increases to an amazing 222.22222 questions per hour. No wonder I'm so tired at night!

It's easy to viewt our sons' questions as intrusions. Every little "can I....?" adds something to the day I hadn't planned, and our days are pretty packed as is. Saying no often seems like the easy way out -- "No, we can't go swimming today" or "No, you can't have a friend over."

But what if we viewed our sons' requests as an opportunity to know them better? What if, instead of viewing requests as intrusions or an added burden, we viewed them as their souls, telling us what they need?

Author and blogger Jill Savage is hosting a Yes Mom challenge for the month of July, and I'm taking her up on it. Will you join me?

Independence Day Edition

Want this 4th of July to be about more than food and fireworks? Revisit the very origins of our country with a couple of these books, chosen just for boys. Nothing dry or boring here; just book after book about boys in the midst of history.

1. The Minute Boys of Bunker Hill by J.W. Kennedy. A fictional book by the original author of the Hardy Boys. If your boys like it, be sure to read The Minute Boys of Lexington as well.
2. George the Drummer Boy by Nathaniel Benchley. An I-Can-Read book, this book tells the story of a youth serving the British army. Sam the Minuteman is its companion book, is about the experiences of an American patriot.
3. A Young Patriot: The American Revolution as Experience by One Boy by Jim Murphy. This one is true! Joseph Plumb Martin was a 15-year-old farm boy who enlisted in the Continental Army in 1776.
4. Paul Revere: Boston Patriot by Augusta Stevenson. Part of the Childhood of Famous Americans series, this book is a fictionalized look at Paul Revere's youth.

Feeling inspired? Play some simple colonial games. Or get your hands on a copy of Great Colonial America Projects You Can Build Yourself. You just might find your Independence Day celebration extending long beyond the 4th.

9 Things Every Boy Needs

1. Destruction
2. Sports
3. Trading cards
4. Video games
5. TV
6. Forts
7. Junk food
8. Underpants
9. Fun

In case you haven't guessed, that list was 100% boy-generated. Boy #2 and a friend paused their Pokemon game long enough to help me after I decided that my list lacked pizzazz.

Compared to theirs, my list is downright boring:

1. A close friend that "gets" him
2. Access to dirt
3. Freedom to get dirty
4. Time to imagine
5. Hugs & kisses
6. Books
7. An adult to show him the world
8. Space to move and explore
9. Animals

But see? That's the difference between adults and kids. If I give my boys everything on my list, they'll be safe and healthy. But as far as they're concerned, their world will lack pizzazz.

Do I think boys need trading cards, TV and junk food? No. After all, boys lived for hundreds of thousands of millions of years without any of those things. For today's boys, though, a sprinking of trading cards, TV, junk food and video games equals fun. It's a chance to do something that's not inherently good for them.

And yet, a closer reading of their list reveals that the boys are right on track. Destruction is a chance to play with primitive urges while learning how things work. Sports are an excelllent opportunity for movement and competition and trading cards exercise boys' math and organizational skills more than any text book.

Video games develop boys' visual-spatial skills while allowing them to experiment with good and evil, while TV is a window to the wider world. Building forts exercises imagination and places the world (or at least a small piece of it) directly under their control. Junk food appeals to their desire to choose, and underpants -- well, do you know any boy who wants to walk around with his stuff hanging out?

Fun, though, is the key. My list is a great list (if I do say so myself), but if I slog through it with a sense of obligation, my boys will still be lacking. So join me -- take a moment today and figure out how you can inject some fun into your boys' lives.

I guarantee you'll have fun too.