I've had some computer issues lately. (If three out of four computer crashing at approximately the same time counts as "some computer issues.") Needless to say, I've been away from the blog, because it's pretty hard to blog while facing the blue screen of death!
But I'm back now, and determined to make this blog better than ever. One thing I'll be adding: more video content. So on that note, let me introduce my first video clip, an excerpt of my 2011 Homeschooling Boys presentation at the Wisconsin Parents Association Conference.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Parenting in Public
My parenting convictions were put to the test a few weeks ago.
The boys and I had traveled to the Wisconsin Parents Association conference, an annual event that that refreshes, recharges and re-energizes me. I'd agreed to present three sessions at the conference: Homeschooling Boys, Let's Make Paper Airplanes and Boundless Energy: Dealing with Boy Energy. The first two were sessions I'd done before. Boundless Energy was a new one for me, created as a direct response to comments and questions from participants who attended my Homeschooling Boys session last year.
How, they wondered, does one productively co-exist with a boy (or boys) who seem to have a constant need for movement?
So this year, we talked. We agreed that boys' desire and drive for movement is not a bad thing, and that part of our job, as parents, is helping them find outlets for their energy. Our room was a testament to our beliefs: As I led the discussion, my 5-yr-old son practiced handstands at the side of the room with another boy. No one minded. We understood that the boys need to move, that they relate and build relationships through physical interactions.
But what about other, less-friendly circumstances? While we all felt quite comfortable letting our boys be boys in the safe confines of our classroom, a number of the moms expressed frustration with pre-existing playgroups back home, playgroups where their sons are judged for wanting to play lightsabers over tea party.
The experienced moms in the room talked about the need to "find your tribe," to find a network of friends and families who understand boys' predilection to play fighting and physical activity. But the deep down question remained: How do you, as a parent, balance your sons' needs for physical activity with societal expectations? How do you handle mealtimes? Social outings? It's one thing to tolerate jumping off the couch at home; it's another thing to let your sons run rampant at the public museum.
I shared my personal reality. At home, my boys rarely sit through a meal. My 10-yr-old is prone to eating on his feet; he's still my Most Likely to Fall Off a Chair for No Apparent Reason. My 8-yr-old constantly rocks his chair and all of my boys are more than happy to leap up from the table to peer out the window. And often, I let it go. I reinforce proper behavior, but I know that expecting my four boys, ages 5 to 13, to eat every meal while seated properly is a bit beyond their current capabilities. So I tolerate a certain amount of physical movement during a meal. I know that my sons are quite capable of adapting their behavior to the situation (even at this age, they understand the difference between lunch at home and Christmas dinner at Grandma's), and that their behavior will change as they grow.
But at lunch that day, in the cafeteria, my convictions were tested. Boy #4, age 5, finished eating long before the rest of us. He started turning circles 'round the column next to our table. I had a choice: I could deny his natural need for movement and shame him into his seat. Or I could tolerate his non-intrusive behavior.
I chose Choice #2, acutely aware that my actual parenting would speak far more than any words I spoke in the classroom. At the same time, I was acutely aware of fear that plagues so many boy-parents: the fear that we will be judged as inadequate or ineffective parents for letting our sons be boys.
So talk. Discuss. How do you handle parenting in public? Are you fearful of judgement? Does that fear affect your parenting?
The boys and I had traveled to the Wisconsin Parents Association conference, an annual event that that refreshes, recharges and re-energizes me. I'd agreed to present three sessions at the conference: Homeschooling Boys, Let's Make Paper Airplanes and Boundless Energy: Dealing with Boy Energy. The first two were sessions I'd done before. Boundless Energy was a new one for me, created as a direct response to comments and questions from participants who attended my Homeschooling Boys session last year.
How, they wondered, does one productively co-exist with a boy (or boys) who seem to have a constant need for movement?
So this year, we talked. We agreed that boys' desire and drive for movement is not a bad thing, and that part of our job, as parents, is helping them find outlets for their energy. Our room was a testament to our beliefs: As I led the discussion, my 5-yr-old son practiced handstands at the side of the room with another boy. No one minded. We understood that the boys need to move, that they relate and build relationships through physical interactions.
But what about other, less-friendly circumstances? While we all felt quite comfortable letting our boys be boys in the safe confines of our classroom, a number of the moms expressed frustration with pre-existing playgroups back home, playgroups where their sons are judged for wanting to play lightsabers over tea party.
The experienced moms in the room talked about the need to "find your tribe," to find a network of friends and families who understand boys' predilection to play fighting and physical activity. But the deep down question remained: How do you, as a parent, balance your sons' needs for physical activity with societal expectations? How do you handle mealtimes? Social outings? It's one thing to tolerate jumping off the couch at home; it's another thing to let your sons run rampant at the public museum.
I shared my personal reality. At home, my boys rarely sit through a meal. My 10-yr-old is prone to eating on his feet; he's still my Most Likely to Fall Off a Chair for No Apparent Reason. My 8-yr-old constantly rocks his chair and all of my boys are more than happy to leap up from the table to peer out the window. And often, I let it go. I reinforce proper behavior, but I know that expecting my four boys, ages 5 to 13, to eat every meal while seated properly is a bit beyond their current capabilities. So I tolerate a certain amount of physical movement during a meal. I know that my sons are quite capable of adapting their behavior to the situation (even at this age, they understand the difference between lunch at home and Christmas dinner at Grandma's), and that their behavior will change as they grow.
But at lunch that day, in the cafeteria, my convictions were tested. Boy #4, age 5, finished eating long before the rest of us. He started turning circles 'round the column next to our table. I had a choice: I could deny his natural need for movement and shame him into his seat. Or I could tolerate his non-intrusive behavior.
I chose Choice #2, acutely aware that my actual parenting would speak far more than any words I spoke in the classroom. At the same time, I was acutely aware of fear that plagues so many boy-parents: the fear that we will be judged as inadequate or ineffective parents for letting our sons be boys.
So talk. Discuss. How do you handle parenting in public? Are you fearful of judgement? Does that fear affect your parenting?
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day for Moms of Boys
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Star Wars Day
Today is Star Wars Day. Don't get it? Say the date. Out loud. With a "the" between "May" and "4th". Add a "be with you on the end."
My boys, like many others, are Star Wars buffs. (In fact, my very first blog post was about light sabers.) We learned about the holiday by accident last year -- and celebrated by taking the kids to the park so they could have an epic light saber battle with other homeschooled kids. To the untrained eye, our children might have looked like a bunch of Star Wars crazed kids running amok through the woods in the middle of a school day. But our kids were learning, really and truly learning.
They were learning cooperation and leadership. Their imaginations were completely engaged. On the spot, they were crafting an enormously complex storyline, complete with characters and plot twists. They were also definitely getting their fill of physical activity. Running through the woods, swinging a light saber, is hard work!
If your son is a Star Wars fanatic, consider sprinkling some Star Wars themed learning into his day today. I posted a couple ideas on Twitter today. (Find me @jlwf) You can also:
Do you have any other fun, Star Wars-related learning ideas? I'd love to hear them! What are you doing for Star Wars Day?
My boys, like many others, are Star Wars buffs. (In fact, my very first blog post was about light sabers.) We learned about the holiday by accident last year -- and celebrated by taking the kids to the park so they could have an epic light saber battle with other homeschooled kids. To the untrained eye, our children might have looked like a bunch of Star Wars crazed kids running amok through the woods in the middle of a school day. But our kids were learning, really and truly learning.
They were learning cooperation and leadership. Their imaginations were completely engaged. On the spot, they were crafting an enormously complex storyline, complete with characters and plot twists. They were also definitely getting their fill of physical activity. Running through the woods, swinging a light saber, is hard work!
If your son is a Star Wars fanatic, consider sprinkling some Star Wars themed learning into his day today. I posted a couple ideas on Twitter today. (Find me @jlwf) You can also:
- Head to the library and check out Star Wars books. There is something for every age and interest, from Easy Readers to chapter books. You can also find books about the weaponry, spaceships, special effects, etc.
- Watch the movies. Start with Epidsode 1: The Phantom Menace, or Episode 4: A New Hope, the original 1977 movie that will forever remain "the first Star Wars movie" in my head. The order doesn't matter. Spending time with your kids, digging into their passion, is what matters.
- Discuss/write about the systems of government in Star Wars. The Federation, the Senate...there's a lot of Social Studies and politics in Star Wars. Compare and contrast the various systems of government in the the Stars Wars universe with those in your own backyard.
- Study the science. Cloning is big in Star Wars. (Clone troopers, anyone?) Dig into the science behind the science-fiction. Talk to your kids about Dolly, the cloned sheep. (Watch a fun video here.) Ask their opinions about the ethics involved.
- Draw/paint scenes from the movie. One of the best things about Star Wars is that it's boy AND girl friendly. Boys typically prefer to draw action; they love weapons and spacecraft. Girls may prefer to focus on characters or costumes. (Remember, these are just generalizations. Some boys prefer costumes and some girls are all about the light sabers.)
- Let Yoda teach grammar. Yoda, Luke's tiny yet powerful Jedi Master, can teach your kids a thing or two about the English language. Think not, do you? Check out this Analysis of Yodish.
Do you have any other fun, Star Wars-related learning ideas? I'd love to hear them! What are you doing for Star Wars Day?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Boy Energy
I'll be speaking at the Wisconsin Parents Association conference in Oshkosh this weekend, reprising last year's Homeschooling Boys session. I'll also be presenting a new session, Boundless Energy: Understanding (and Respecting) Boys' Need for Movement.
Boys, as you well know, are built for action. Staying still is not their strong suit; jumping off couches is more their speed. But that nearly constant craving for activity can wear out even the most tolerant mom. My boys get away with a lot of stuff (see picture), but at some point, even I want to turn around and yell, "Stop!"
How do you cope with your sons' energy? Do you have any tips to help boys settle down and complete their assigned school work? Or do you eschew sit-down school work all together and plan innovative, active lessons? How do YOU help your boys learn? I'd love to share your comments, thoughts and ideas at my session this weekend.
Boys, as you well know, are built for action. Staying still is not their strong suit; jumping off couches is more their speed. But that nearly constant craving for activity can wear out even the most tolerant mom. My boys get away with a lot of stuff (see picture), but at some point, even I want to turn around and yell, "Stop!"
How do you cope with your sons' energy? Do you have any tips to help boys settle down and complete their assigned school work? Or do you eschew sit-down school work all together and plan innovative, active lessons? How do YOU help your boys learn? I'd love to share your comments, thoughts and ideas at my session this weekend.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Moms Should Get Paid
Out of nowhere the other night, my 8-year-old son looked up at me and said, "I think moms should get paid." You think moms should be get paid, I asked. How come?
Because, he said, moms make the babies, and babies, if you train them right, grow up into smart people and without smart people, there wouldn't be a world.
Can I just say that my heart melted in that minute? My 8-year-old son, the one who just minutes prior was watching American Idol and tormenting his brothers, GETS IT. My 8-year-old son intuitively understands the value of mothers.
We live in a culture that pays lip service to the importance of moms and motherhood. Everyone, from teachers to clergy to the average Joe on the street, seems to understand that what happens at home is far more important than what happens in school or elsewhere, but few people want to provide support to parents. And I'm not necessarily talking financial support (although it's clear that my son was). I'm talking support: Valuing and recognizing the family's contributions to society, advocating for and creating jobs that allow parents to contribute to the economy without neglecting their responsiblities to their children, structures that provide parents with the inspiration and tools they need to become good parents and supportive networks of people who will share the realities and burdens of parenting with those in the trenches.
That kind of support for parenting -- much less economic support -- is sadly lacking in many communities. Yet my 8-year-old hit the nail on the head: Good parents create good kids. Good kids make the world go 'round.
On some level, my kid even understood the economic value of a parent. Nuture a kid's brain and interests now, and later that kid may contribute something great to their society. William Kamkwamba brought power to his village.
That kind of economic contribution of parents is overlooked by our society, and more often that not, it's mothers that pay the price. As Ann Crittenden points out in her book, The Price of Motherhood, mothers are still far more likely than fathers to take time out of the workforce, to work part-time in order to care for their children, or to select lower-paying, no benefit jobs that allow them time to parent. As a result, women, in general, make far less money during their lifetimes -- and have far less retirement income.
My 8-year-old, in some small way, understands that it's wrong for mothers to suffer economically for their devotion to their children. I can only hope that others of his generation eventually come to the same realization and work together to create a society that truly values the contributions of the family.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
"Teaching Too Much Can Stifle Exploration"
Have you seen the Boston Globe article about how babies learn?
The March 28 article, "A Squeeze, a Squeak, a Glimpse of Learning," provides fascinating insight into how young children learn -- and why, perhaps, our schools aren't as effective as they could be. In one interesting study, researchers handed preschoolers a complex cause-and-effect toy. Researchers showed half the kids how the device worked; the other kids were simply left to figure out the toy on their own. Guess which kids investigated the toy more thoroughly?
From the article:
Those who were explicitly taught how to make the toy squeak played with it for less time and discovered fewer functions than those who did not receive a tutorial. How children learned that the toy squeaked also affected their behavior. When the adult seemed to accidentally trigger the squeak instead of explicitly showing them how to use the toy, children explored more and discovered more aspects of the toy than when they received instructions.
The Globe says that, "teaching can...limit children's impulse to investigate and test their own ideas, and how something is taught to a child can affect his or her exploration." Is it any wonder that children who are force-fed knowledge for state-mandated tests show very little curiosity or true learning? By giving them the answers, we've taken away all the fun!
Children are, by nature, curious learners. From little on, they're constantly investigating the possibilities. They're driven, instinctively, to learn how the world works. So they invent experiments (What will happen if I mix my mashed potatoes into my milk?), observe the results and adjust their knowledge of the world accordingly. What kids need to learn is 1. Time, 2. Space, 3. Access to Materials and 4. Support. They also need Freedom to Explore, because once you've squashed a child's natural inquisitivenss, it's pretty hard to re-capture.
Interestingly, the time-space-access-support-freedom framework for learning is common -- but not exclusive to -- homeschoolers. Sandra Dodd, an unschooler, has frequently said that "strewing," leaving interesting things about, is an important part of her homeschooling. My homeschooling is much more along the lines of going interesting places/reading about interesting things/doing stuff with the boys than stuffing specific knowledge in their skulls. And the best schools seem to understand that allowing children to discover knowledge on their own is much more effective than rote learning. One thing I've been pleased to see at the schools my boys attend part-time: multi-sensory, project-based approaches to learning. My oldest son, for instance, learns language arts while also learning about civil rights. My second son's teacher will give students multiple options (act out a play, write summary, create a character) to demonstrate their learning.
What do you think of the time-space-access-support-freedom framework for learning?
The March 28 article, "A Squeeze, a Squeak, a Glimpse of Learning," provides fascinating insight into how young children learn -- and why, perhaps, our schools aren't as effective as they could be. In one interesting study, researchers handed preschoolers a complex cause-and-effect toy. Researchers showed half the kids how the device worked; the other kids were simply left to figure out the toy on their own. Guess which kids investigated the toy more thoroughly?
From the article:
Those who were explicitly taught how to make the toy squeak played with it for less time and discovered fewer functions than those who did not receive a tutorial. How children learned that the toy squeaked also affected their behavior. When the adult seemed to accidentally trigger the squeak instead of explicitly showing them how to use the toy, children explored more and discovered more aspects of the toy than when they received instructions.
The Globe says that, "teaching can...limit children's impulse to investigate and test their own ideas, and how something is taught to a child can affect his or her exploration." Is it any wonder that children who are force-fed knowledge for state-mandated tests show very little curiosity or true learning? By giving them the answers, we've taken away all the fun!
Children are, by nature, curious learners. From little on, they're constantly investigating the possibilities. They're driven, instinctively, to learn how the world works. So they invent experiments (What will happen if I mix my mashed potatoes into my milk?), observe the results and adjust their knowledge of the world accordingly. What kids need to learn is 1. Time, 2. Space, 3. Access to Materials and 4. Support. They also need Freedom to Explore, because once you've squashed a child's natural inquisitivenss, it's pretty hard to re-capture.
Interestingly, the time-space-access-support-freedom framework for learning is common -- but not exclusive to -- homeschoolers. Sandra Dodd, an unschooler, has frequently said that "strewing," leaving interesting things about, is an important part of her homeschooling. My homeschooling is much more along the lines of going interesting places/reading about interesting things/doing stuff with the boys than stuffing specific knowledge in their skulls. And the best schools seem to understand that allowing children to discover knowledge on their own is much more effective than rote learning. One thing I've been pleased to see at the schools my boys attend part-time: multi-sensory, project-based approaches to learning. My oldest son, for instance, learns language arts while also learning about civil rights. My second son's teacher will give students multiple options (act out a play, write summary, create a character) to demonstrate their learning.
What do you think of the time-space-access-support-freedom framework for learning?
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