Why Boys Love Candy

My boys love candy. They love Halloween, with loaded down plastic pumpkins. They love softball games, with concession stands full of treats and mad money jingling in their pockets. And they love parades, with the promise of candy littering the streets. (Yes, my children shoved Wal-Mart bags into their pockets before heading down the Memorial Day parade today, "just in case.")

Boy #3, in fact, can't wait for tomorrow to get here because he plan to call the Oriental Trading company and order 145 pieces of Warheads, an extremely sour candy.

Given that I have a sweet tooth myself, I can't entirely condemn their love of all things sweet (or sour). I've also made a conscious decision to let go, to not regulate their intake of cookies and cake and ice cream, because I believe that forbidding a food or artificially limiting it makes it more attractive. (For more, see Sandra Dodd's writings.)

Now a new study finds a biological basis to my sons' predilection for sweets. A study of 9000 children revealed that boys need 10 percent more sweetness and 20 percent more sourness than girls do to register "sweet" or "sour."

Interesting. We parents often comment about boys being "more" -- more active, more noisy, more intense. But consider the biology:

• Boys' hearing is less acute than girls' from day one
• Boys eyes are targeted to register movement, not subtle differences in color
• Boys have more dopamine in their bloodstream, which can increase impulsive behavior
• And now -- boys' taste buds are less refined than girls'

Is it any wonder our boys need More? Or even that their need for More sometimes, um, bugs their mothers just a tiny little bit? Boys NEED more noise, more taste and more action just to register the same sensations we might have felt, oh, 65 decibels ago.

It's a constant balancing act for me -- balancing my sons' need for stimulation with my need for peace and quiet. But at least now, I understand their need for More.

Guest Post: Sandra Dodd!

We have a real treat today! If you're a homeschooler, particularly of the unschooling variety, you may have already heard of Sandra Dodd. Sandra is the mother of three wonderful children who have never gone to school; her philosophy of life and learning involves joy and connection and can help bring peace and happiness to any family. Here, she blogs about helping her sons find their place in the world.

I have two sons who never went to school, who are now 22 and 20 years old. They are Kirby, who works for Blizzard, Entertainment in Austin, and Marty, who is still at home, has a 23 year old girlfriend, a job at a Persian restaurant, and a Jeep Wrangler he chose and is paying for himself. (They have a sister who's 17, too, but this is about boys, so I'm leaving her out of this.)

From the time Kirby was born, we gave him choices. We offered him two or more foods, let him sleep where he was comfortable, let him choose his clothes, let him veto the music in the car if he didn't like it. When there were two boys, they were Sesame Street fans, and played Ninja Turtles and Lego and ran around in costumes in the back yard and at the park with other La Leche League kids, and then other unschoolers.

They got bigger every day, as did their options. Kirby studied karate for many years, and eventually taught the children's classes at the dojo. Marty tried karate, but decided to go to ice hockey instead, for a while, and ended up roller blading and being very involved in the Society for Creative Anachronism. We gave them rides and entry fees and equipment and encouragement.

At home, we watched movies, played games, sang, built things and talked about life and fantasies and the world. They found music and movies the rest of us wouldn't have known about. They hung around collectible card shops and gaming stores. We went to medieval-themed campouts and feasts.

Time flies when so much is going on, and they were getting tall, and a little hairy. When Kirby turned 14 he was offered a real job in a gaming shop, running the Pokemon League from 8:00 to noon every Saturday. Gradually they gave him more hours and responsibility. The day he turned 16, they gave him a key to the store. Before 16, the insurance wouldn't have covered him being there alone. He worked in that store for five years.

When Marty was 15, he was offered a job working for a bootmaker, doing boots and pouches for historical re-enactment groups. When he was 17, he worked full-time in a grocery store, walking distance from our house. I loved going shopping and hearing the checkers and other workers say, "Oh! You're Marty's mom. We *love* Marty!"

We weren't doing things with the thought of getting our kids jobs. What got them jobs was that they were out and about, interested, interesting and helpful. When Kirby was twelve and thirteen, he used to help pick the chairs up after the Pokemon tournaments, and he was good at understanding rules, and was able to make other kids feel better and have more fun. He would help vacuum the shop, and help fold the monthly schedules for mailing out. When Marty was in his early teens, he would help people willingly and cheerfully at our many campouts, and at tournaments in town. He smiled and he was happy to be there.

I didn't know that just being good guys with free time could lead to jobs, but it did. Looking back, I think the best advice I can give parents of boys who are concerned that they might not become men is this: Consider them to be whole, no matter how old they are. Treat them with respect and find ways for them to be around as many people and situations as you can, and whenever possible let them make choices about how long to be out and when to go home; what to attempt and what to stall off on; what to start and what to quit.

A rich and busy life can lead to unexpected benefits, and even if nothing remarkable happens, you will have had a rich and busy life with your sons. Few parents have that. Few men grew up in the warmth of smiles and approval and opportunities to explore or to stay home.

Sometimes people ask how homeschooled children will move out into the world. Our children were never anywhere but in the world. They were present with us as much as they wanted to be. We let them be other places, without us, when they wanted to be. The world was always all around them, and they were always in their place in the world.

Boys & TV

I'll admit it: although my boys love building with blocks, sculpting playdough and riding bikes outside, I'm one of the parents who pushed the "video games/computers" button over there on the left. And if TV was an option -- yeah, I'll admit that's one of their favorites too.

Now, a new report comes out linking TV viewing with depression. The link doesn't seem to be what I initially suspected -- that depressed teens simply watch more TV -- but rather that kids who watch more TV are more likely to be depressed a few years down the road. Of course, that's not saying that TV causes depression, but it's another log on the "TV-is-bad-for-your-boys" fire.

The negative effects of TV have been reported over and over. TV violence may spur violent boys. TV causes/contributes to obesity. TV exposes children to things they don't need to see. TV takes aways boys' imagination.

For another perspective, though, read Sandra Dodd. My Son #2, an avid TV watcher if ever there was one, fully agrees with "Everything I Really Needed to Know I Learned from Video Games and Cheesy Cartoons." It's amazing, really, how many things he's picked up from the TV. This past Christmas, he and Son #3 were both humming The Nutcracker March -- courtesy of Tom and Jerry. He's amazed me with interesting facts and vocabulary words that should be far beyond the reach of an eight-year-old. And every time I express surprise, he just looks at me, grins and says....

"Who says you can't learn anything from TV?"

The Fragile Male

Sandra Dodd's response to my post got me thinking about prenatal influences. The science of fetal programming is relatively new, but provacative. The basic idea is that things that happen to us in utero have lifelong effects. For instance:

• Gestational Diabetes – If a mother has gestational diabetes during her pregnancy, her child is at increased risk for obesity, glucose intolerance and diabetes
• Birth Weight – Men who weighed less than 5 ½ pounds at birth have a 50% greater risk of dying of heart disease than men who weighed 9 ½ pounds at birth
• Stress – Children of women who experience extreme stress during pregnancy (whether due to financial, housing or safety concerns) are more prone to allergies and anemia

I'd also read that male fetuses are more vulnerable than female fetuses, so I looked for more information. Here is what I found. (The article is rather long, but definitely worth the read)

Did you know, for instance, that male babies are physiologically less developed at birth than female infants? Or that boys are more likely to be negatively affected by maternal postpartum depression than girls?

I love the author's conclusion: "If parents were more aware of male sensitivity, they might change the way they treat their sons. "

Cool Cards!

The queen of "strewing" (the leaving about of interesting things), Sandra Dodd, has a great blog, Thinking Sticks. Check out yesterday's posting, Playing Card Animation, for a super cool video animation that will appeal to boys of all ages. There's playing cards, building, a battle and destruction! What's not to love? :)