Q & A with the Author of The Achilles Effect

Have you finished The Achillles Effect yet? I have and I'll say this: I'll never look at media the same way again. I thought I was already pretty savvy to the subtle influences of media, but after reading the book, I'm even more acutely aware of the ways in which pop culture defines "male" and "female." I'm also aware that I'm not going to change the dominant culture, at least not all by myself. So it's up to me -- and you -- to counteract the messages our boys are getting from the media.

Read on to see what Achilles Effect author Crystal Smith has to say about raising boys and the influence of mass media:

BBB: What are some of the things that parents perhaps aren’t even really noticing, as far as media and its potential to influence our our boys? 

Smith: The idea that men have to be very stoic. Don’t show your fear. Don’t show when you’re sad. It’s okay to show anger. I think that’s something that really does affect boys, as they become men. They start to, as men, deny their emotions. They bottle it all up and then it comes out in other ways that are maybe not so healthy. 

BBB: Do you think that talking about gender stereotypes can make a positive difference in their children’s lives?

Smith:  I’m not an advocate of banning things or saying that pop culture is always wrong or that it’s a bad thing. You just have to be aware of the messages that are out there and talk to your kids. Get them discussing it. Ask them questions: What do you think of this portrayal? Why isn’t there a dad in that story? Get that process going and get them thinking about what pop culture is telling them.

BBB: An issue that has long bothered me about some of the shows that my boys watch is the way the male characters talk to each other. It’s frequently not very nice. There’s a lot of that trash talk going on. There are very few incidences in the media where you see boys or men having a respectful conversation with one another. 

Smith:  It really bothers me, the way that sort of language is associated with male characters. It does set the tone for the way male relationships “should be,” this whole idea of competitiveness and dominance.  

BBB:  You mentioned competiveness and the dominance. Some will say that is more wired into a male brain than a female brain. What are your thoughts and opinions on that, the nature versus nurture divide?  

Smith:  The things that I’ve been reading talk about how early in life the nurture starts towards these gender roles. From the time boys are born, they’re described in different terms. They’re treated differently. They’re handled more, experience more rough housing as kids. They’re wrestled with more. They’re cuddled less. So it’s really hard to decide, is it really nature or is it that they’ve been treated differently? I don’t have a definite answer, but the books that I’ve been reading, like Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine and PinkBrain, Blue Brain by Lise Eliot make it look like nature’s not quite the dominant force a lot of people think it is. 

What did you think of The Achilles Effect?

Joshua Ledet is My Hero

Don't know who Joshua Ledet is? You're probably not watching American Idol.

I have been, passionately. I'm not much of a TV watcher; in fact, the only thing I watch these days is American Idol. What can I say? I love music, my oldest son loves to sing, and last season, the boys and I started watching together. It kind of became "our thing."

Tonight, the top 3 singers -- Joshua, Jessica Sanchez and Phillip Phillips -- were winnowed down to two. Joshua "lost." Note the quotation marks.This boy can SING, and I'm confident that he'll have a successful career.

But it's what he did after he got the news that earned him my undying affection. While singing his farewell song, "It's a Man's, Man's World," he went down in the audience, grabbed his momma's hand, and brought her up on stage with him.

Understand, I've been reading a lot about boys and their mothers lately. Last month, I read The Mama Boy's Myth, which hopes to debunk the idea that boys have to emotionally separate from their mothers to become strong men. Today, I finished Chapter 3 of The Achilles Heel, Separating Boys From Their Mothers' Influence. For eons, popular culture has told our boys that they need to pull away from the moms to thrive.

Yet tonight, Joshua Ledet walked down into the audience, grabbed his mama's hand, and pulled her up on the stage with him. While singing:

This is a man's, a man's, a man's world

But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

Amen, brother!

Virtual Book Club: Thoughts on The Achilles Effect

First, mea culpa!

I promised to announce the winner of a free copy the The Achilles Effect: What Pop Culture is Teaching Young Boys About Masculinity last Friday, and I didn't. I was so excited to share my Best of the Blogs list that I completely forgot to check my blog calendar, which would have, of course, reminded me to draw and announce the winner.

But it's not too late. The winner of The Achilles Effect is...

Cathlene Bell!

Congrats, Cathlene. Given the fact that you're passionate about media literacy and that you're expecting your first child, I think you'll enjoy it very much. Hopefully you're copy will arrive soon, and you're chime in with some questions and comments.

I'm about two chapters into the book, and I have to tell you, I have conflicting thoughts. On the one hand, I can absolutely see how media images influence and reinforce our sons' ideas of masculinity. Smith carefully analyzes a lot of familiar characters, and looks at the unspoken messages our sons may be getting from Power Rogers and Anakin Skywalker. Male characters, she writes, typically embrace the warrior stereotype of masculinity: they're powerful, they have a temper, and they don't hesitate to use force if necessary.

Male characters who don't fit the warrior archetype generally fall into either the "nerd" or "bully" category. Consider Geronimo Stilton, a popular children's book character who embodies many positive characteristics:

Stilton, Smith writes, is the bookish and sensitive male editor of a big-city newspaper. Geronimo has many good qualities, like loyalty, intelligence, and compassion, but he is clearly positioned as a weakling. The adventures he chooses are rarely of his own choosing. He is often pushed or cajoled into his various expeditions, is scared of his own shadow, and very clumsy. He is frequently reduced to tears and his constant crying is depicted as ridiculous, not as a legitimate emotional response.

I get it: Geronimo may be subtly teaching our boys that it's not OK to cry. But couldn't his awkwardness just be a way for awkward-feeling boys to relate? Might it not be a bit like Scooby Doo? As a kid, I hated the cartoon; it was too scary for me. But as as adult, I see that part of its appeal to kids is that Scooby and Shaggy are afraid of everything, and that they ultimately learn there was nothing to fear.

(For the record, The Achilles Effect talks about Scooby Doo too. Fred, she says, is portrayed as the man's man. Shaggy is clearly the weakling.)

I have mixed feelings about the book's discussion of TV shows as well. I agree that much of what passes as male conversation in kids' TV shows is probably harmful for our sons:

By implying that insults and the language of aggression and typical and even expected in male-to-male interactions, the creators of these mildly bullying characters [such as Harry from Horrible Harry and Buford from Phineas and Ferb] are, however, subtly, indicating that competition and jockeying for position are essential elements of male relationships.

But isn't jockeying for position exactly what happens almost any time you get a group of males (of any age) together? And that's my main issue with the book: How much of what we see in the media is essentially just a reflection of what we see in the real world?  In chapter two, for instance, Smith writes about the fact that mothers show up far more often in children's books than fathers do, and that it's almost always mothers who are shown doing the child-rearing, particularly in books about young children. Sexist as that may sound, isn't that still the reality in most families? The archetype of the distant,work-focused emotionally withdrawn father is still a reality in many homes.

Which brings up some questions: 

• Should media actively work to create different male archetypes, in hopes of changing behavior?
• Should parents restrict children's media consumption to media that presents a more balanced and egalitarian viewpoint?
• If they do, does it help or hinder their child as the child negotiates the real world, which still includes a fair amount of sexism and gender imbalance?
• What matters more? What a child sees or reads in a book or on TV (or in a video game or movie), or what a child sees at home?
• Can boys who are steeped in mainstream media become well-rounded, emotionally intact men?

I think -- or at least hope! -- that the answer to the last question is Yes. The rest, I'm not so sure about. I'm definitely looking forward to talking with the author later this month!

Helping Boys in a Sex-Soaked Society

Yesterday, my six-year-old -- my innocent, cherubic-faced 6-year-old -- told me that his "rich, secret life" would include lots of tractors. And 1000 girls.

The tractors were no surprise. This boy has loved John Deere tractors and all kinds of heavy construction equipment from day one. 1000 girls, though? That surprised me.

What kind of girls, I asked?

He motioned me closer and whispered in my ear: "Sexy."

Then added: "Not fat."


My son is six-years-old, and already he has completely internalized the American ideal of female beauty. (By they way, he further added, "No glasses" to his list of requirements for the girls. When I pointed out that I wear glasses, at least on occasion, he told me I'm "not sexy.")

Six. Years. Old!

As a woman, I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed and disgusted that our society's version of beauty is so narrow and pervasive that even our prepubescent boys know exactly what flavor of eye candy should be hanging on their arms. As a mom, I'm disturbed. Is it my fault? Have I let him see too much? Because we do watch TV, and I'm not exactly strict about limiting his screen time to material best suited for kids 6 and under. Don't get me wrong; I do keep tabs on what he watches, and more often than not, he's watching something on PBS. (Wild Kratts, for  instance, is his favorite show.) But somehow, some way, my little boy has gotten the message that sexy women are desirable, and that sexy = not fat.

Yet is it surprising? Is there any way at all to miss that message in our culture?

The question is, how do we, as parents of boys, help our boys see past the stereotypes? How do we help them understand that women are for more than sex, and that a person's worth does not depend on their physical appearance?

It's tough. Our boys are clearly growing up in a sex-saturated culture that tells them that girls are good for one thing. (Or maybe more. Clearly, sex appeal is useful for selling cars also. And beer. And, well, Internet hosting companies. Did you see the GoDaddy ads during the SuperBowl?)

But I want my boys to know that women and girls are multi-faceted human beings, just like men and boys. I want my boys to value character, intelligence and integrity, not chest and ass and face. And sometimes, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

Then I remember that the real world always holds more power than the fictional world held up by the media. And I remember that my boys are surrounded by many examples of strong, intelligent, capable women. And I think that, perhaps, that is the answer, that exposing my boys to all kinds of wonderful women will somehow broaden their definition of "woman." Every day, my boys see complex, three-dimensional women, and I hope that they will gradually understand that a real woman is much more wonderful than the one-dimensional sex symbols flaunted in the media.

That's one piece. The other piece of the puzzle involves combating the negative media images of women. I want my sons to know that what they see on TV and in magazines is not real, that even the women in the ads don't look that way. So I show them videos like Dove's Evolution video, which vividly shows the transformation of a woman into a flawless work of art. And we talk about photoshopping and unrealistic expectations and eating disorders. (Actually, we need to talk about these things some more.)

The next step is working toward a more positive and realistic representation of women in the media. Yesterday, I signed 8th grader Julia Bluhm's petition to ask Seventeen magazine to include at least one un-photoshopped image in each issue. (Sad, isn't it, that asking for once such photo is a major step!)

It's a start.

What are you doing to help your sons sort through the negative messages they receive about women from the media?

Is SpongeBob a Bad Influence?

He's just a made-up cartoon character, a squarish-sponge in shorts who lives under the sea, flips burgers for a living and interacts with a squirrel in an astronaut-like helmet. But boy, has SpongeBob been making a splash!

Yesterday, the esteemed medical journal Pediatrics released a study that showed that preschoolers have decreased brain power after watching just nine minutes of SpongeBob. According to the study (which I covered for iVillage), the fast-pace of SpongeBob, combined with the fantastical setting and plot, might tax preschoolers' brains to the point that they have little left after the show for problem solving and delaying gratification.

So does that mean your sons should never watch SpongeBob?

I don't think so.

Like him or not, SpongeBob is a major cultural touchstone for young kids. If you choose not to expose your kids to SpongeBob and his ilk, I completely respect your decision. But I also think there's something to be said for letting your kids know what the hoopla is all about.

While the Pediatrics study is being played for headlines (and yes, I'm guilty of it too), it also contained some great, commonsense takeaway messages. Among them:

• TV shows -- even TV shows for kids -- vary greatly. TV isn't inherently good or bad. A vast gulf exists between, say, Spongebob and Sid the Science Kid. Both are animated. Both are aimed at kids. But even the creators of shows will tell you that the shows have very different purposes. SpongeBob was designed to entertain older kids. Sid the Science Kids is designed to encourage preschooler's scientific curiosity.
• Different TV shows have different effects on kids' behavior. The Pediatrics study compared the thinking and behavior of kids who watched SpongeBob with that of kids who watched a "realistic Public Broadcasting Service cartoon about a typical US preschool-aged boy" and kids who spent the same time period drawing. The kids who watched SpongeBob performed the worst on tests designed to measure kids' "executive function" (higher level cognitive tasks). The takeway for parents, at least as far as I'm concerned: Be mindful of the effects of TV on your kids. If you find your sons' behavior deteriorating after certain TV shows, sit down and watch the show with your kids. Is it really appropriate for your kids? Maybe it's time to tweak their TV viewing habits a bit.
• Select shows with your kids' age and interests in mind. Nickelodeon, home of SpongeBob, came out forcefully against the study, arguing the SpongeBob wasn't designed for preschoolers in the first place. They're right. But let's face it: if you have older kids in the house, your younger ones will likely be exposed to shows aimed at an older audience. I don't fret if my younger kids spend some time watching SpongeBob or iCarly with their older brothers, but I do attempt to offset that time by making sure they get time to watch age-appropriate shows like Martha Speaks and Wild Kratts.

Some other thoughts re kids and TV:

• Provide balance. Yes, my kids watch SpongeBob. They also watch American Pickers and Ice Road Truckers and historical and nature documentaries.
• Be open to life lessons in surprising places. Fellow writer and parent Geoff Williams penned a great business article a few years ago entitled "5 Things SpongeBob Squarepants Can Teach You About Business." You -- and authors of the Pediatrics study -- might not think of SpongeBob as a business expert, but if you look closely, you can gleam some actual business wisdom from the show. You and your kids can even learn some life lessons from SpongeBob and his crew.
• Talk about it! Kids need adults to help put things in context. But please don't lecture your children. Listen first. Talk to them about their favorite TV shows. Ask them what they like about the show. (It might not be what you think.) Watch with them. Then, ever so naturally, talk about the show. If something bugs you, say so -- and why. If a character does something you like, say so and why. Engage your kids in the conversation.
  
  

What do you think of SpongeBob and the Pediatrics study? Do you have any other useful tips re kids and TV?

Back

It's good to step away from the computer.

Last week, I took my four boys camping in northern Wisconsin. It was a first for us, in a way -- our first long-term camping trip. (If you can call five days long term. Since I was alone with four boys, I declare that you can!). It was also a first in that it was probably the longest any of us have been without screen, TV or computer in, oh, about five years.

Sad, isn't it?

We've gone up North (Up Nort', as my fellow Wisconsinites tend to say) for years, but in years past, we've rented a cabin. And in years past, we've always packed along my laptop computer. In case of rain, we said. You know, so the kids could watch a DVD instead of driving us crazy. And generally, they did. I also had a bad habit of bringing it out to do "just a little work," while their Dad pulled it out at night to play Solitaire.

But last week, camping on a simple, non-electric site in a state forest, we had no electricity. My laptop -- still infected with a virus it caught over a month ago -- remained home. And you know what? We had fun. We biked. We hung out at the lake. We played mini-golf, went go-karting and toured the area. We spent time around the campfire. (Did you know that 1) boys are more likely to eat food cooked over a campfire and 2) more likely to remain in the vicinity while you cook if you cook over a campfire?) Five days without TV, computers or Wii, and no one missed it.

Ok, not no one. Boy #4 *did* pretend my back was a TV while biking behind me down the trail.

Have you gone screen-free, even for a short time? How did it work out for your family?

Selling Unhealthy Food to Kids

Full disclosure: I have two boxes of Scooby Doo-themed Gogurt in my fridge right now. Actually, make that one-and-a-half boxes. The boys hit those pretty hard today.

According to a new study, it's quite possible that my boys chose that yogurt because Scooby Doo was on the box. Knowing my boys, I absolutely concur. They're good, price-conscious shoppers, but given the choice to choose their own yogurt, they choose the Scooby Doo version over tubs of Dannon every time. And if you read the small print on the side of those Gogurt boxes, you know that the wildly colored product inside is not exactly a health food, despite yogurt's healthy reputation.

My boys' ability to be swayed by cartoon packaging is, unfortunately, all too common and entirely known to marketers. It's also having a detrimental effect on our children's health. According to a Pediatrics study published online June 21, boys and girls ages four to six said food tasted better when it came from a cartoon-enhanced package. Is it any wonder our children are selecting Trix yogurt and SpongeBob Cheez-Its?

Some, including study author Christina Roberto, are drawing parallels between Joe Camel of the past and snack cartoons of the present. I think they've got a valid point.

I've expressed my concerns about McDonald's marketing tactics before. And while I'm not entirely sure about the tactics, I don't disagree with the sentiment behind the Center for Science in the Public Interest's threat to sue McDonald's if the fast food purveyor does not remove toys from all future Happy Meals. Let's face it: If not for those toys, my kids would have chosen Happy Meals far less often. Often, my kids ordered Happy Meals solely because they wanted the toy. And while McDonald's rightly claims to offer healthy choices, my kids, like most, are well aware that Happy Meals come with fries or apple slices -- and that fries are the preferable choice.

Yes, I could put my foot down. I could insist on apple slices. I could boycott McDonald's and I refuse to buy any food branded with a cartoon character. But that doesn't change the fact that there's something inherently wrong with a bunch of marketers strategizing ways to attract kids to unhealthy goods.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

Books 'Bout Boys: Packaging Boyhood

Like it or not, the media has a massive effect on today's boys.
That's why I was so excited to see Packaging Boyhood: Saving Our Sons from Superheroes, Slackers and Other Media Stereotypes, a new book by Lyn Mikel Brown, Sharon Lamb and Mark Tappan. Today, they share with us an excerpt about boys and drinking -- and as a resident of Wisconsin, a state that consistently leads the nation in binge drinking, I agree that it's high time we started paying attention to the unconscious messages we send our sons.

According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, males age 12 or older report higher rates than females for all measures of alcohol use and abuse, including binge drinking and alcohol dependence.

No wonder. The party-hardy atmosphere is everywhere they are – from about age 5 and up. We’re not talking about the ubiquitous beer commercials during Monday Night Football, the crazy liquored-up antics on VH-1 or MTV reality shows, or even the champagne drinking players in rap videos. We’re talking cartoons, G-rated films, and tween TV. Whether it’s the Poison Apple Pub in Shrek or the cool bar on the beach where the Madagascar friends hang out, socializing in animated films often means drinking.

And just like it is in real life, over-indulging leads to trouble-making and stupid behavior. Elliot the deer and Boog the bear, two buddies in the animated film Open Season, trash a country store after getting “drunk” on candy bars. Buzz Lightyear drinks too much “tea” in Toy Story, and his friend Woody tries to sober him up. In his movie, SpongeBob SquarePants has a terrible hangover from his ice-cream bender of the night before.

But why let the elementary school set have all the fun? Nothing says cool to a “tweenager” more than a good out of control party. TV shows targeting tweens help kids imagine being a mythic teenager; you know, the guy who has the hot babes and the fun parties, who hangs in clubs, dorms, and other places where there are no pesky, dopey, intrusive, nagging parents; the guy who has no homework or after school job and who doesn’t actually work hard at anything.

That’s why the boys in The Naked Brothers Band, a Nick show about a group of precocious preteens living the rock star dream, do their best to imitate the kinds of problems parents are trying to control. In their first movie, a mockumentary of their rock star rise to fame, then six-year-old bad boy drummer Alex develops a lemon-lime soda addiction. When their original band breaks up, he binges in a bar scene, chugging like a frat boy, and ends up in a luxury rehabilitation Soda-holics at Sea program.

Then there’s bad boy Zack on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, a show about twin tweens living it up in a luxury hotel (the new version of the show has them living it up on a luxury cruise ship—more babes in bikinis!), who sets up his own underage dance club in the hotel lounge. The boy “bartender” pushes sugary soda to shy, nice girl, Barbara, and after chugging root beer – “Hit me again!” – she takes her hair down, whips off her glasses and starts dancing suggestively while the crowd shouts, “Go Barbara! Go Barbara!” It’s a nerdy boy’s dream when she staggers to Cody and kisses him hard on the mouth.

Most of these preteen shows feature 8-14 year olds running their own lives in a world created for them by adult writers who know how to create a pseudo-sanitized version of Entourage. All the themes, expectations, and desires are there—but it’s okay because the drinks they’re chugging aren’t really alcoholic and the come-ons and references to hot girls don’t really lead to the party-house bedroom. But there’s no missing the staggering around and slurred speech or the wild, loose behavior as anything but an imitation of the real thing.

So what’s a parent to do? Watch these shows and movies with your son. Help him understand what’s really being sold with those funny antics and silly situations, and discuss the behavior you see.

Here are a few “typical boy” behaviors to look out for in his media:

Koolaid or soda chugging in ways that suggest chugging a beer;
Doing "jello shots", even when it's just jello.
Getting crazy, acting goofy or doing stupid things after drinking sugary sodas or some other beverage.
Sharing woes or drowning troubles in a bar or saloon;
Living a party social life in clubs, dorms, or on the beach, chilling with sodas or drinks in beer mugs, champagne flutes, or cocktail glasses.

It will be nearly impossible to protect him from a “drinking is a rite of passage for boys” media message, so start these conversations early. Put his natural powers of observation to work, teach him to question advertising, and help him know when to say no to this version of “boys will be boys” behavior!

Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed.D., Sharon Lamb Ed.D., and Mark Tappan, Ed.D. are authors of Packaging Boyhood: Saving Our Sons From Superheroes, Slackers, and Other Media Stereotypes.

A Teachable Moment

My new favorite show is Glee, Fox's hit show about a high school show choir. It's over-the-top campy fun featuring teenage angst, a teen pregnancy and musical numbers to die for. It's also a great show to watch with my boys.

Take this week's episode. Head cheerleader (and president of the Chastity Club), Quinn, is pregnant. Her boyfriend, Finn, is overwhelmed but trying hard to do the right thing. But as the dad-to-be, his options are limited. Being the Dad, he says, means you have all of the worry and none of the control.

As a Mom-of-boys, I've often thought about the dilemma faced by teen dads. When a boy gets a girl pregnant, that child is his too, yet his vote is almost never decisive. She is the one carrying the child and therefore the one to decide the fate of the pregnancy. The teenage daddy is in a truly powerless position.

So we talked about that. We talked about the fact the if a boy gets a girl pregnant, he has very little say in what happens next. We talked about the fact that whatever happens, the boy's life will be forever altered. Soon, we'll talk about better decisions boys can make in advance, to avoid such a powerless position.

It was an important conversation, and one that was more meaningful because the boys clearly saw the pain on Finn's face as he pondered the future of his child. As Boy #2 says," Who says you can't learn anything from TV?"

Up, Up and Away!

Is there anything worse than traveling cross-country by air with four small boys? Well, yes -- not traveling and deadly disease come to mind -- but when hubby and I traveled to California two summers ago, kids in tow, for my brother's wedding, we both agreed that traveling via covered wagon might be a more appropriate means of transportation for four active and rambunctious boys.


Our youngest was just a year-and-a-half at the time. If you've even had a toddler, you know they have exactly one purpose in life: To Move. A four-hour plane ride is not exactly conducive to moment.


We drew up and plan, and not suprisingly, our plan looked remarkably similar to our road trip plan. The essentials? Snacks and diversions.


So here, then, are my Top 5 Tips for Surviving Air Travel with Boys:

1. Prepare. Have each boy pack a backpack with a simple change of clothes (at least clean underwear) and whatever toys, games, books he thinks he'll enjoy. It's a lot of fun to see what each boy chooses -- and it might not be what you'd expect. (Boy #2 can have a ball pretending with cheap McDonald's toys.)
2. Bring the car seat, even if you haven't purchased a ticket for your youngest. When you check in, ask if there are any extra seats on the flight. If so, you may be able to strap in the seat and your youngest, at least for a portion of the flight. We were able to do this on the return flight and thank goodness! Strapped in, our youngest was able to settle down and sleep, at least for a couple minutes.
3. Embrace electronics. I don't care how opposed you are to Playstation and the Disney channel at home. On board an airplane, electronic diversions can be a lifesaver. Think Leapfrog, Nintendo DS and laptops equipped with DVD players. But don't break out the electronics right away. Wait. And then wait some more. Wait til the kids are completely bored and antsy and you're about to lose your mind. Then plug in a DVD. Any former objections to electronic babysitters will immediately be erased.
4. Play with your kids. Rock, paper, scissors, Hangman, cards -- whatever. Engaging with your kids in a meaningful way will help keep their minds off the fact that their butts have been in a chair for over two hours.
5. Expect meltdowns. I'm not saying that your toddler will wail for hours on end, or that your usually-polite grade schooler will kick the seat in front of him for the entire flight. I'm just saying that if you expect some hitches, the entire trip will go more smoothly. Your boys will not be perfect angels for the entire flight, despite your proximity to the heavens. And you won't be the perfect parent. So when glitches occur, take a deep breath and move on.

In the end, our trip was worth every minute of whining and in-air struggle. (On the plus side, my arms were in great shape from wrangling my one-year-old!).

Have more great tips for air travel with boys? Share them here!

It All Comes Back to the Boys

This week, I had the privilege of being a guest on The Morning Blend, a Milwaukee-area morning talk show.

I was there to talk about the Horicon Marsh, a 32,000 acre Wetland of International Importance that has been compared to the Florida Everglades. The Horicon Marsh, though, receives much less press and is much closer to my home -- just five minutes away, in fact.

For most of my life, the Marsh has been just five minutes away. And so, for most of my life, I took the Marsh completely for granted. Car loads of tourists arrive each fall to view the migration of the Canada geese, but I was unimpressed. Most of the cars had Illinois plates. Didn't the geese fly over Illinois on their journey south? Why couldn't those tourists just stay home and look up?

Beside, what's so special about geese? They're big, they fly in a V and they make a lot of noise. What more do you need to know?

Then I grew up and moved away. I had children. And slowly, I began to understand the attraction of the Marsh. Like most children, I took the wonder in my backyard completely for granted. As an adult, though, I'm beginning to understand how unique the Marsh is. People come to see geese congregate by the thousands, just as people flock to Mexico to see overwintering monarchs.

They -- the geese, the monarchs and the people -- come to these places because they're special, unique. The animals come because the land gives them what they need, and the people come to see a natural spectacle that exists at exactly one place in the world.

My boys taught me that. Through their love of nature, they introduced me to the outdoors. They taught me about the monarchs, which helped me understand the geese (and the tourists). Understanding the geese (and tourists) inspired me to write an article about the Marsh, which led to an appearance on a TV show. And that appearance may lead to a second one -- to talk about this blog.

All because of my boys.

Life Offline

Over on Digital Mom, writer Melissa Sais muses about screen time.

We've been told over and over how bad sitting in front of the TV is for our boys. And the common wisdom is that video games are addictive, mind-numbing entertainment of questionable value. Never mind that -- like everything else -- both TV and video games have some positives as well.

But Melissa makes an interesting point. Listen:

"I think all digital moms worry about the amount of “screen time” we allow our kids. Is it frying their brains and turning their bodies into mush? I think it can if we don’t pay some attention to pursuits outside the digital realm. And I realize I have to show leadership in pursuing the non-digital options."

She goes on to talk about how she has better luck suggesting and initiating active alternatives, instead of simply saying, "TV off!" But her line about showing leadership in pursuing non-digital options hit me another way too.

It's the old show-don't-tell concept. If I want my kids to spend more time in the natural world, then I need to spend more time in the natural world. Sitting at my computer, playing Pathwords on Facebook while I tell the boys to go outside smacks of hypocrisy.

Yes, sometimes I need my quiet down time; we all do, and none of us should feel guilty about that. But I really need to consider what my actions tell my boys. More often than not lately, my actions have been saying, "Go ahead. Watch TV. I like having some quiet time to myself," and "The digital world is more interesting than real life."

That last one is a harsh realization, but between all the fun I'm having with my blog, the blogathon, Twitter, Facebook and my usual everyday email and work stuff, I'll admit that I've been spending a lot of time online. If I want my kids to spend more time in the non-digital realm, maybe it's time for me to rediscover some non-digital pastimes. Maybe it's time to pull out the watercolors. Time to knit for 15 minutes while supper cooks, rather than hopping online. Time to head out for a walk.

What do you think? How do you show leadership in pursuing non-digital options?

Tween Boys

Liz Atwood at Charm City Moms writes about tween boys today. Specifically, she asks if tween boys are ignored.

Apparently, a Google search for "tween girls" gives you over 2 million hits. Search "tween boys" and get less than a million-and-a-half. Seems marketers, etc. have spent a lot of time investigating the needs, wants and desires of tween girls, but not so much studying teen boys.

I, for one, have no problem with that. I do, however, have a problem with the concept of "tween."

Tweens are loosely defined as kids ages 8-14 who are "in between" the traditional child and teenage stages of development. (For more on tween, click here.)

What bothers me about this "definition" is that it's entirely made-up. Certainly, a boy who is 12 is going to have different interests and needs than his 4-yr-old or 17-yr-old brothers. But can't we just consider that a spectrum of growth, instead of a "stage" which miraculously appeared in the last 15 years?

Tweens are a marketing concept, plain and simple. A few years ago, saavy retailers realized that kids have money to spend. They studied this age group and, for the first time ever, specifically marketed products and services to 8-14 yr. olds.

Now, instead of children finding themselves as they leave childhood and grow to adulthood, a host of marketers call them "tweens" and tell them what clothes to wear, what music to like, what shows to watch and even what foods to eat.

Disney has long had a corner on the tween market. (Think Hannah Montana and High School Musical.) But now, they're turning their attention to the supposedly-neglected and under-served tween boys. Disney XD (which, I'll admit, my boys have already been watching) is aimed at tween boys.

And if XD can do for tween boys what Disney's done for tween girls, heaven help us all.

Boys & TV

I'll admit it: although my boys love building with blocks, sculpting playdough and riding bikes outside, I'm one of the parents who pushed the "video games/computers" button over there on the left. And if TV was an option -- yeah, I'll admit that's one of their favorites too.

Now, a new report comes out linking TV viewing with depression. The link doesn't seem to be what I initially suspected -- that depressed teens simply watch more TV -- but rather that kids who watch more TV are more likely to be depressed a few years down the road. Of course, that's not saying that TV causes depression, but it's another log on the "TV-is-bad-for-your-boys" fire.

The negative effects of TV have been reported over and over. TV violence may spur violent boys. TV causes/contributes to obesity. TV exposes children to things they don't need to see. TV takes aways boys' imagination.

For another perspective, though, read Sandra Dodd. My Son #2, an avid TV watcher if ever there was one, fully agrees with "Everything I Really Needed to Know I Learned from Video Games and Cheesy Cartoons." It's amazing, really, how many things he's picked up from the TV. This past Christmas, he and Son #3 were both humming The Nutcracker March -- courtesy of Tom and Jerry. He's amazed me with interesting facts and vocabulary words that should be far beyond the reach of an eight-year-old. And every time I express surprise, he just looks at me, grins and says....

"Who says you can't learn anything from TV?"