Virtual Book Club: Thoughts on The Achilles Effect

First, mea culpa!

I promised to announce the winner of a free copy the The Achilles Effect: What Pop Culture is Teaching Young Boys About Masculinity last Friday, and I didn't. I was so excited to share my Best of the Blogs list that I completely forgot to check my blog calendar, which would have, of course, reminded me to draw and announce the winner.

But it's not too late. The winner of The Achilles Effect is...

Cathlene Bell!

Congrats, Cathlene. Given the fact that you're passionate about media literacy and that you're expecting your first child, I think you'll enjoy it very much. Hopefully you're copy will arrive soon, and you're chime in with some questions and comments.

I'm about two chapters into the book, and I have to tell you, I have conflicting thoughts. On the one hand, I can absolutely see how media images influence and reinforce our sons' ideas of masculinity. Smith carefully analyzes a lot of familiar characters, and looks at the unspoken messages our sons may be getting from Power Rogers and Anakin Skywalker. Male characters, she writes, typically embrace the warrior stereotype of masculinity: they're powerful, they have a temper, and they don't hesitate to use force if necessary.

Male characters who don't fit the warrior archetype generally fall into either the "nerd" or "bully" category. Consider Geronimo Stilton, a popular children's book character who embodies many positive characteristics:

Stilton, Smith writes, is the bookish and sensitive male editor of a big-city newspaper. Geronimo has many good qualities, like loyalty, intelligence, and compassion, but he is clearly positioned as a weakling. The adventures he chooses are rarely of his own choosing. He is often pushed or cajoled into his various expeditions, is scared of his own shadow, and very clumsy. He is frequently reduced to tears and his constant crying is depicted as ridiculous, not as a legitimate emotional response.

I get it: Geronimo may be subtly teaching our boys that it's not OK to cry. But couldn't his awkwardness just be a way for awkward-feeling boys to relate? Might it not be a bit like Scooby Doo? As a kid, I hated the cartoon; it was too scary for me. But as as adult, I see that part of its appeal to kids is that Scooby and Shaggy are afraid of everything, and that they ultimately learn there was nothing to fear.

(For the record, The Achilles Effect talks about Scooby Doo too. Fred, she says, is portrayed as the man's man. Shaggy is clearly the weakling.)

I have mixed feelings about the book's discussion of TV shows as well. I agree that much of what passes as male conversation in kids' TV shows is probably harmful for our sons:

By implying that insults and the language of aggression and typical and even expected in male-to-male interactions, the creators of these mildly bullying characters [such as Harry from Horrible Harry and Buford from Phineas and Ferb] are, however, subtly, indicating that competition and jockeying for position are essential elements of male relationships.

But isn't jockeying for position exactly what happens almost any time you get a group of males (of any age) together? And that's my main issue with the book: How much of what we see in the media is essentially just a reflection of what we see in the real world?  In chapter two, for instance, Smith writes about the fact that mothers show up far more often in children's books than fathers do, and that it's almost always mothers who are shown doing the child-rearing, particularly in books about young children. Sexist as that may sound, isn't that still the reality in most families? The archetype of the distant,work-focused emotionally withdrawn father is still a reality in many homes.

Which brings up some questions: 

• Should media actively work to create different male archetypes, in hopes of changing behavior?
• Should parents restrict children's media consumption to media that presents a more balanced and egalitarian viewpoint?
• If they do, does it help or hinder their child as the child negotiates the real world, which still includes a fair amount of sexism and gender imbalance?
• What matters more? What a child sees or reads in a book or on TV (or in a video game or movie), or what a child sees at home?
• Can boys who are steeped in mainstream media become well-rounded, emotionally intact men?

I think -- or at least hope! -- that the answer to the last question is Yes. The rest, I'm not so sure about. I'm definitely looking forward to talking with the author later this month!

Parents Need to Eat Too

My boys, as I've mentioned before, are not adventurous eaters. And you know what? Neither am I. I've gotten better as I've gotten older: In the old days, I considered yogurt a scary food and refused to eat Chinese or Mexican food because I couldn't identify every single ingredient. Now, I eat yogurt (mostly vanilla, though; I'm still not a fan of fruit) and have recently begun considering the fact that I may be missing out on something truly fantastic due to the fact that I believe seafood to be yucky, even though I've never tasted it.

Is it any wonder that my boys are picky?

Parenting, though, has a way of bringing out the best in most of us. Because I love my boys, I want them to be as happy and healthy as possible, and I know that learning to enjoy a variety of foods is a big part of that. I also know that good nutrition is important for me. I want to be around as long as possible, and subsisting on a diet based on meat, grains and dairy won't cut it.

So I've tried to improve our diets, but...

Despite a myriad of excuses (I'm too busy; I don't have time; it's not a priority right now; the boys eat half their meals at their Dad's house anyway), I finally realized that our family faces two major obstacles to healthy eating:

1) I don't eat a particularly healthy diet

2) I don't know how to prepare healthy, interesting, good tasting foods

I eat -- and prepare -- the food I grew up with. I'm pretty good at making meat-potato-and frozen veggie meals. I can make spaghetti, pizza, burgers and all that. But when it comes to interesting, healthy meals and snacks? I'm lost.

Enter two new books, Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution and Parents Need to Eat Too, by Debbie Koenig. Pantley sent me a copy of her book after I, uh, made fun of some of her suggestions in an earlier blog post. Koenig's publicist sent me her new book as part of a promotional tour to celebrate the release of Parents Need To Eat Too. (Full disclosure: If I manage to get this post up in time, I may be eligible to win some kind of cooking tool or appliance.)

I've been perusing both books for a couple weeks now, and you know what? They've affected my shopping, cooking and eating habits. Both books include plenty of recipes, and a number of them sound so yummy and easy that I tried them. Want proof? On a recent trip to the grocery store, I put brussel sprouts, asparagus AND sweet potatoes in my cart. Better yet -- I've used and enjoyed almost all of them! (The brussel sprouts are still in the fridge, but I really want to try the Leaf Us Alone Brussel Sprouts recipe in Pantley's book.)

Koenig's book is aimed at new parents. The book starts, "If you're holding this book, odds are congratulations are in order. Either you're a new parent yourself, or you know someone who is." Well, my baby just turned six, and although I know new parents, I have no intention of giving the book to any of them. That's because I want to keep it! My baby might be six, but I'm still strapped for time and struggling to figure out how to prepare nutritious, great tasting meals in little time. If you ask me, Parents Need to Eat Too is a great resource for all parents.

The book is chock-full of easy, delicious sounding recipes. I've already made Buckwheat Carrot Muffins and Baked Sweet Potato Chips. And despite the author's own full-disclosure warning about the muffins ("I'm not gonna lie: Thse are health-bomb-type muffins"), my sons gobbled them up. I think they think that anything that looks like a cupcake must be good.

I had some trouble with the Sweet Potato Chips -- they burned before they got thoroughly crisp -- but Koenig assured me in an email that slicing them thinner and taking them out sooner might resolve that problem. I hope so, because the ones that I managed to rescue from the oven were delicious! The kids didn't eat them, but they did try them because they smelled so good while baking, and I consider that a step in the right direction.

No book can solve my feeding frustrations, but with these books in the house, I feel as if I finally have resources to help me plan and prepare easy, healthy and appealing meals and snacks.

Book Review: Tutor in a Book

It's the third week of school. How's it going?

School is a struggle for many boys. But that doesn't mean your sons are doomed to a lifetime of sub-par academic achievement. The key is understanding your son. What makes him tick? How does he learn? What obstacles are blocking his success?

Alexandra Mayzler, founder of Thinking Caps Tutoring, has written a new book to help all students reach their academic potential. Tutor in a Book: Better Grades as Easy as 1-2-3 features interactive quizzes to help you assess your child's learning style and situation, as well as real-life case studies and dozens of practical tips designed to boost your child's organization, time management and study skills.

Recently, I talked to Alexandra about the best ways to help boys learn:

Why do so many boys struggle in school?

I think that boys have a lot of energy, and it takes a lot of willpower for a middle school boy to hold that in while sitting in a chair for a whole lesson. Asking any child to sit quietly for a long period of time is a challenge, but boys, from the beginning are encouraged to be active, so honing focus is an even bigger challenge. Also, in the middle school years, a boy might be more inclined to rebel, so the consequences of rebellion may play out in school work.


Boys often have difficulty with the classic sit-down-and-learn approach that's so common in today's classroom. Are there any techniques that you find particularly useful when tutoring boys?


Make class interactive. Encourage boys to come up to the board and write answers. If there is time, start or finish a class period with an activity involving movement, such as stretching or a partner activity. Try hands-on projects such as diagrams or making boardgames. We also like to have boys do homework in non-traditional spots such as on the floor. As long as they stay organized and keep track of the materials, changing the homework spot can help boys stay focused.

So often, homework turns into a battle. What's your #1 homework tip for parents of boys?

Who knows your boy better than you do? Adapt a homework approach that fits his needs and lifestyle. If he needs to move around a lot during homework time, schedule short, frequent breaks. Communicate your goals and expectations before there’s a problem and hear what your son has to say about his hopes for the school year. By personalizing the study process and keeping communication lines open everyone can have a successful year!

Disclaimer: I received a free review copy of Tutor in a Book.

Holiday Giveaway: Tag Jr. Reading Bundle

If you've been around for awhile, you know that Blogging 'Bout Boys is all about reading. (Well, about boys - and reading!) We talk about why boys won't read, ways to encourage them and strategies to keep your sons interested in the written word. We even feature Books for Boys, reviews and recommendations of books your sons might enjoy. And occasionally, I give away a fabulous prize designed to encourage a love of reading.

Today, my friends, is one of those days.

I am giving away a Tag Jr. reading bundle, featuring the innovative Tag Jr. reader and two board books, ABC Animal Orchestra and Winnie the Pooh. The set is valued at more than $50.

I still say that reading with your child is the best way to get him interested in books -- but the Tag Jr. adds an additional level of interaction to your experience. It's also great for independent play. Your preschooler can enjoy his books even when you're too busy to "read it again."

Want one for your very own?

To enter:

• Become a fan of LeapFrog on Facebook. If you don't know how to do this, drop me a line. I'll walk you through it.
• Leave a comment telling me your favoriate read-aloud book.

For extra entries, you can:

• Tweet my contest.
• Subscribe to my blog.
• Follow my blog.
• Post about my giveaway on your blog, including a link.

Just make sure to drop me another note, letting me know what you did and when you did it. You can Tweet the contest daily if you'd like; each Tweet = an additional entry.

If you'd like an even better chance of winning, visit these loveley blogs. They're each giving away a Tag Jr. as well!

• 3 Carnations
• Frisco Kids
• Ready Mom
• Momma Mia
• Parenting by Trial and Error

My contest runs through 11:59 pm CST November 30. That's two whole weeks from now, so you have plenty of chances to win!

Fine print: Contest open to residents of the United States and Canada. Winner will be chosen by using random.org and will have 24 hours to respond to prize notification. If I don't hear from my winner withint 24 hours, another will be chosen by random.org.

Books for Boys: Fantasy Football Guidebook

'Tis the season -- for football!

Those football fans among you have probably been enjoying the season for weeks now (depending on your team). And the die-hard football fanatics are probably already well-aware of the phenomenon that is fantasy football. For the uninitiated, though, fantasy football is a game in which players "draft" real, live NFL players to be on their fanatasy teams. Their teams then score points based on how the players perform in their real-life football games.

Sam Hendricks, an avid fantasy football player with almost two decades of experience, shares his tips and tricks for fantasy football success in Fantasy Football Guidebook and Fantasy Football Tips. Fantasy Football Guidebook was a Finalist in the 2009 National Indie Excellence Book Awards and the 2008 USA Book News Best Books contest.

If you have a son interested in fantasy football, get him these books. They include everything, from Top 10 Reasons to Play Fantasy Football to 10 Rules of Trading to Observations to Let You Live a Normal Life While Enjoying Fantasy Football. One note: the word is a$$ is included at least once in the book. That's not a deal breaker for me, but something you might want to know before handing the books to your son.

On to the author Q & A!

How did you get interested in fantasy football?

I loved NFL football but became very frustrated when the only matchups on TV were boring contests between weak teams. I wanted more excitement. A fellow aviator from my flying squadron (336th FS-we flew F-15E fighter jets for the USAF) suggested a “new” game called Fantasy Football and from that moment on I was hooked. I loved the ability to have different players from different teams (now I had a reason to watch those boring games because my players were in them and I had a vested interest). The more I played, the more I wanted to win and the more I wanted to learn everything about it. And it gave me a better appreciation of football too.

What's a good age to introduce a boy to fantasy football? Why?

It depends on the maturity of the child, but I would say the earliest is around 7 or 8. At that age parents can share their enjoyment of watching football and the basic math skills of fantasy football can be introduced. Math skills such as addition (points for TDs), subtraction (lose points for INTs) and multiplication (multiple TDs) are easy to show and foster with fantasy football.

Later at around age 12 or 13, the boys are getting more interested in sports and team play. Fantasy football is a great way to teach them good decision-making skills (who do you want vs. who is available at what time), problem-solving (when to switch players to maximize efficiency of the whole team), and also risks vs. rewards (choosing proven veterans over unproven high-priced rookies, etc.) It can be a good teaching tool if implemented correctly. The child learns that "owner" decisions have an immediate impact on the team and one player does not control the game.

A lot of people consider fantasy football "a waste of time," but there's a lot to it. It's fun, of course, but there's also statistics and critical thinking. Your book even includes anatomical info about common football injuries!

Over 30 million people play fantasy football each year and the numbers keep growing. I have seen the media adapt to this ever increasing demographic as well. Most of the highlight/update reports now include players and their statistics at the bottom of the screen. Those statistics have even evolved from simply who scored the TD to how many catches they have, their yardage and TDs or injury status. This is because of the fantasy football fan! So opinion of fantasy football has moved from the obscure “waste of time” to a billion dollar industry as evidenced by the 20+ magazines devoted to this fascinating hobby. Fantasy Football Guidebook is my attempt to provide a comprehensive guide to playing fantasy football.

How can a parent support and nuture their son's interest in football and/or fantasy football?

Parents can spend time with their child enjoying the game while noting the "mathematical" aspects of the game. Also, encourage their child to be a participant, either on an actual football team or in a fantasy football league. By encouraging participation, parents can nurture the interest and will be able to communicate with their child on subjects of mutual interest and appeal. Since Fantasy Football Guidebook came out, I have spoken with hundreds of parents who have told me about the “bonding” time that fantasy football has created. Fathers and sons are fielding teams together as co-managers and spending more time together deciding on strategies (who to start) and watching their players perform.

Books for Boys: Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling

Sandra Dodd's son, Marty, is right: her Big Book of Unschooling makes an excellent bathroom book. Broken down into small, manageable bits, Sanda Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling is inspiration waiting for action. It's accessible, welcoming -- and the perfect anti-dote for parental self-doubt. Her common sense words help you let go and trust and enable you to enhance your sons' lives in ways you may never have imagined.

Here, a conversation with Sandra Dodd.

Define "unschooling."

Unschooling is arranging for natural learning to take place.

Why did you write Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling?

I had been planning a book, but it wasn't time. Then two requests came in the same season of late 2008. An unschooling mom in India, Hema Bharadwaj, asked me a if I could put my website into book form. I said it wasn't possible. In San Diego, Flo Gascon was organizing the Good Vibrations Unschooling Conference and asked whether she could offer my first book as a pre-order, for her attendees. I figured most of her attendees already had my book, Moving a Puddle. So I offered to do a new book.

Moving a Puddle came out in 2006, and is a collection of most of my published articles from the dozen years before that, from the time my oldest was nine and I was writing for a regional parenting newsletter in New Mexico. Although I was involved in discussions of unschooling throughout the years, and spoke at many conferences, I didn't feel it right to write a strong "how to" unschooling book before I knew for certain that my children wouldn't decide to go to school, and I wanted to wait to see how they were as adults, to make sure I knew what I was talking about. In the time they were growing up, I knew more and more people who had also unschooled into their teens and young adulthood, so while I was working toward the time I would feel we had "successfully completed" unschooling our children, I saw and knew many other families in those later stages of unschooling as well. The more I saw, the more persuaded I was that the longterm effects of unschooling are beyond anything any of us expected or predicted.

Is the book only for homeschoolers -- or will other parents find it useful as well?

There are ideas any parents could use to help their families feel closer, I suppose, but it will be most helpful to unschooling families.

You have 3 children, including 2 completely unschooled boys. How/why do you think unschooling is beneficial for boys?

Many men work around their childhood shame and trauma, or take years untangling and overcoming it. Some men live with it every day, thinking it's just a natural part of everyone's life. Some are timid; some are bullies If their parents could have planned ahead to avoid shame and trauma, how much calmer and creative and courageous might their sons have been? There are inevitable sorrows enough without parents creating them. There are obstacles enough in life without parents setting them purposely or carelessly. Young men who will thank their mothers and hug their dads and who want to come home when they have the option do not come from harsh, traditional, punitive parenting. If their mothers have been their allies and supporters rather than their owners and bosses, life is different. If their fathers have been their counsellors and partners rather than their trainers and overseers, those boys can grow up whole, in peace and confidence.

What one message would you like parents of boys to take home from your book?

Your baby boys aren't future people. They are now who they will be at thirty and forty. You can't change them fundamentally, but you can help them grow nurtured and undamaged.

Sandra Dodd once taught in the public schools in her home town of Española, New Mexico. Thirty years ago she took up with Keith Dodd, from Alamogordo, they frolicked in history and music and costumes and friends, settled in Albuquerque, and spawned three singing, dress-up kids who grew into three creative adults frolicking in the whole wide world. Documentation can be found here: http://www.sandradodd.com/ and http://sandradodd.blogspot.com/

The book can be purchased from Sandra's website for $25 plus postage. Books are mailed within two days (sometimes within a few hours), by priority mail. Eventually it will be available from Amazon.com, but for now quick and direct is your only option. In the first two weeks, books have been shipped all over the U.S. and Canada, to Scotland, England, Wales, Denmark, The Netherlands, Switzerland, South Africa, New Zealand, Australia and India.

Book Review: 100 Things Guys Need to Know

To state the obvious: I'm a gal. And always will be. So while I'll do my best to prepare my sons for the world, there are some things I just don't know.

That's why I was thrilled to find 100 Things Guys Need to Know, a thin, accessible book aimed at tween and teen boys. Covering topics such as You, Body and Mind, Family, School, Relationships and Future, this seemingly simple book by Bill Zimmerman touches on a little bit of everything.

The best part about the book is that it's based on the input of over 500 boys. Over 500 boys answered the author's Guy Survey, and their responses and concerns form the backbone of the book. Short, snappy sections and Guy Comix hold boys' attention and a recurring section called Check These Out suggests additional sources for more in depth study.

Here's an excerpt from the Intro:

"Outside of school, there are a lot of messages about what it means to be a guy. Movies, TV, music, magazines, and other media often hype guys who are buff, tough, and always in control. Sometimes the message is that guys should keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves -- that 'real guys' don't cry, show emotion, or ask for help -- even when they're struggling.

Some guys feel like they have to live up to these images. But you don't have to."

Of course, just because I loved the book doesn't mean your son will. So I asked my eleven-year-old son -- who promptly whisked the book away from me when it arrived and has since read it three times -- what he thought.

How would you describe this book to another boy?

(shrugging) It’s about 100 Things a Guy Need to Know.

What did you think of the format of the book?

It was good. I liked the Take Action, Check These Out, Guy Comix and surveys.

Which section did you find the most helpful?

Everything could have been helpful, but nothing’s covered enough to give you anything. The book covers a broad variety of important things, but it covers them for about one paragraph and then goes to something else.

Least helpful?

The Social Scene part of the relationship section, because I’ve sort of been in some of the situations, and it just doesn’t work like that. There’s not always someone in the group that’s nice. Cliques, you can’t do a thing against. If they don’t want you in, you’re not going to get in. If someone’s bullying you, no matter who you tell or how many times you tell, it’s only going to get worse, the more times you tell.

Any questions you wish were addressed?

I was kind of hoping the whole social scene and relationships would be covered more. I wanted more stuff that you can actually do to solve your problems.

Would you recommend this book to other boys? Why or why not?

I would, but just so they could read the Check These Out, for other books to check out.

Book Review: The Legend of Vinny Whiskers

I love finding a great read-aloud book.

The Legend of Vinny Whiskers tells the tale of Boomerang Lookout, a young prairie dog with a legendary name. Imagine being named Harry Potter -- after Harry #1 had done his thing.

Like Harry, Boomerang's name carries certain expectations. Lookouts are the sentinels of the Ward, the praire dogs' home, and for generations, the Lookout Manuever has been their signature move. Boomer, however, is unable to master the Manuever.

Making matters worse is the fact that the original Boomerang Lookout disappeared ages ago, one of the infamous "Lost Six," a group of prairie dogs who left the Ward and never returned.

But Boomer is a prairie dog of great curiousity -- and destiny. From the back of the book:

When young Boomer decides to venture beyond the Ward, he learned the true story of his namesake. The original Boomerang Lookout was the first King of the Tubes, an underground city populated by a band of small animals called the Alignment of the Wee. Years earlier, when control of the Tubes was passed to the rat Vinny Whiskers, the Wee were betrayed. Vinny opened the Tubes to the rats from the sewers, and the Wee were expelled. Ever since, the Wee have search for a way to win back their home. When a young prairie dog emerges with a legendary name, a showdown between the Alignment of the Wee and the Rat Nation seems inevitable.

Aimed at tweens, I'd say this book captures its market perfectly: My eleven- year-old commandeered the book the moment it arrived and was up til 1 am reading. He simply couldn't put it down. Now, I'm reading it aloud to my eight- and six-year-olds (with the eleven-year-old often listening in) and they're entranced. The good news is that I am too. I'm as eager to settle in and read as they are!

The Legend of Vinny Whiskers , by Gregory Kemp, reminds me a bit of another rat adventure, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. If you're looking for a summer read, check it out.