Best of the Blogs: Parenting

Parenting is hard work -- but maybe not as hard as we make it. In Why Good Parenting is Less Work Than You Think, blogger Denise Schipani writes about some intriguing new research that suggests parents may have far less power over their kids' potential than we've been led to believe. It's an especially great read if you happen to have more than the typical 1.86 children.

Of course, parenting involves many decisions, from the mundane (do I let them watch one more TV show?) to the serious (is he mature enough to drive?). Mommy Minute tackles one of the more mundane issues in Raising Nature-Loving Boys in the Age of Wii, while Peggy Sue Brister examines boy-parents' first big decision, To Circumcise or Not to Circumcise?

Kris at Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers is one of the wisest parents I know (even if she is weird and unsocialized!) Her latest act of parenting brilliance is Time for Mom. Stop over and see what she's been doing.

A Merit Badge for Video Games?

The Boy Scouts of America have added a new merit pin -- for video gaming.

Understandably, the blogosphere has lit up with criticism of the new award. Those critical of the idea complain that today's boys already spend too little time outside, too much time gaming. They argue that today's boys need little incentive to take up a pastime that already consumes many of their waking hours. (Kids today spend an average of 1.25 hours a day video gaming.) They cite alarming studies linking increased video game play with decreased grades in school.

And yet...

What ever happened to "all things in moderation?" Like them or not, video games are a part of our modern culture, and a boy today without knowledge of video games is like a zebra without stripes: he'll simply never fit in with the group. The Boy Scouts of America aren't encouraging non-stop video gaming -- heck, even my video game designer brother doesn't encourage that. Instead, they've instituted a program that encourages boys to take a critical look at video games, that encourages them to play with their families and to monitor and control their spending.

What's so bad about that?

What do you think of the new merit award? I'd love to hear your opinion!

Best of Blogging 'Bout Boys

In the last year and a half, I've written about everything from light sabers to sex. Here's a look back at 5 of my most popular posts:

1. Q & A With a Video Game Designer
2. 14 Ways to Tell Your Son "I Love You"
3. Birth & Babies
4. The Boy Code
5. Potty Training Trials

Got a favoriate that's not on the list? Tell us about it!

Caffeine Affects Boys More Than Girls?

So say the headlines. But when I read the article, I was leery.

Concerned about the growing epidemic of soft drink consumption among American teens, researchers at the University of Buffalo conducted a study to assess boys' and girls' response to caffeine. What the researchers found was that boys were would work significantly longer at a computer game to win a caffeinated soda than girls would.

According to a Discovery News story, "Jennifer R. Temple, lead researcher and neurobiologist at University of Buffalo, said she expected caffeinated drinks to work most strongly on those in the study who routinely consumed the most caffeine, regardless of sex. Instead, the results revealed a relationship between gender and the desire for caffeinated soda.

"We aren't sure (why boys responded more), but we speculate that it could have to do with circulating hormones and their effect on the metabolism of caffeine," Temple said.

Um, maybe because oodles of research and anecodotal evidence suggests that boys are more attracted to video games than girls?

For more info about the study, click here.

Up, Up and Away!

Is there anything worse than traveling cross-country by air with four small boys? Well, yes -- not traveling and deadly disease come to mind -- but when hubby and I traveled to California two summers ago, kids in tow, for my brother's wedding, we both agreed that traveling via covered wagon might be a more appropriate means of transportation for four active and rambunctious boys.


Our youngest was just a year-and-a-half at the time. If you've even had a toddler, you know they have exactly one purpose in life: To Move. A four-hour plane ride is not exactly conducive to moment.


We drew up and plan, and not suprisingly, our plan looked remarkably similar to our road trip plan. The essentials? Snacks and diversions.


So here, then, are my Top 5 Tips for Surviving Air Travel with Boys:

1. Prepare. Have each boy pack a backpack with a simple change of clothes (at least clean underwear) and whatever toys, games, books he thinks he'll enjoy. It's a lot of fun to see what each boy chooses -- and it might not be what you'd expect. (Boy #2 can have a ball pretending with cheap McDonald's toys.)
2. Bring the car seat, even if you haven't purchased a ticket for your youngest. When you check in, ask if there are any extra seats on the flight. If so, you may be able to strap in the seat and your youngest, at least for a portion of the flight. We were able to do this on the return flight and thank goodness! Strapped in, our youngest was able to settle down and sleep, at least for a couple minutes.
3. Embrace electronics. I don't care how opposed you are to Playstation and the Disney channel at home. On board an airplane, electronic diversions can be a lifesaver. Think Leapfrog, Nintendo DS and laptops equipped with DVD players. But don't break out the electronics right away. Wait. And then wait some more. Wait til the kids are completely bored and antsy and you're about to lose your mind. Then plug in a DVD. Any former objections to electronic babysitters will immediately be erased.
4. Play with your kids. Rock, paper, scissors, Hangman, cards -- whatever. Engaging with your kids in a meaningful way will help keep their minds off the fact that their butts have been in a chair for over two hours.
5. Expect meltdowns. I'm not saying that your toddler will wail for hours on end, or that your usually-polite grade schooler will kick the seat in front of him for the entire flight. I'm just saying that if you expect some hitches, the entire trip will go more smoothly. Your boys will not be perfect angels for the entire flight, despite your proximity to the heavens. And you won't be the perfect parent. So when glitches occur, take a deep breath and move on.

In the end, our trip was worth every minute of whining and in-air struggle. (On the plus side, my arms were in great shape from wrangling my one-year-old!).

Have more great tips for air travel with boys? Share them here!

Life Offline

Over on Digital Mom, writer Melissa Sais muses about screen time.

We've been told over and over how bad sitting in front of the TV is for our boys. And the common wisdom is that video games are addictive, mind-numbing entertainment of questionable value. Never mind that -- like everything else -- both TV and video games have some positives as well.

But Melissa makes an interesting point. Listen:

"I think all digital moms worry about the amount of “screen time” we allow our kids. Is it frying their brains and turning their bodies into mush? I think it can if we don’t pay some attention to pursuits outside the digital realm. And I realize I have to show leadership in pursuing the non-digital options."

She goes on to talk about how she has better luck suggesting and initiating active alternatives, instead of simply saying, "TV off!" But her line about showing leadership in pursuing non-digital options hit me another way too.

It's the old show-don't-tell concept. If I want my kids to spend more time in the natural world, then I need to spend more time in the natural world. Sitting at my computer, playing Pathwords on Facebook while I tell the boys to go outside smacks of hypocrisy.

Yes, sometimes I need my quiet down time; we all do, and none of us should feel guilty about that. But I really need to consider what my actions tell my boys. More often than not lately, my actions have been saying, "Go ahead. Watch TV. I like having some quiet time to myself," and "The digital world is more interesting than real life."

That last one is a harsh realization, but between all the fun I'm having with my blog, the blogathon, Twitter, Facebook and my usual everyday email and work stuff, I'll admit that I've been spending a lot of time online. If I want my kids to spend more time in the non-digital realm, maybe it's time for me to rediscover some non-digital pastimes. Maybe it's time to pull out the watercolors. Time to knit for 15 minutes while supper cooks, rather than hopping online. Time to head out for a walk.

What do you think? How do you show leadership in pursuing non-digital options?

Video Games Make You Smarter!

Yes, that was a shameless plea for your attention.

According to our latest poll, a majority of readers believe that video games are primarily a negative influence on our sons. They are not alone. Video games have become a tremendously prevalent part of our society, and as parents, I think it's only natural to be concerned --and perhaps a bit suspicious -- of something that sucks up so much of our sons' time.

Besides, a slew of studies have suggested that our concerns are warranted. The latest research proclaims that 1 in 10 children are addicted to video games. Video games have been associated with everything from obesity to violent behavior. And let's face it: it's easy to denigrate anything that distracts your son from his chores and homework.

But the facts are not quite so conclusive. Like anything, video games have positive and negative effects. Here, a round-up of some of the positives:

• Video games improve problem solving and physical dexterity. According to the American Psychological Association, video games can improve cognitive and perceptual skills and foster scientific thinking. Also, one intriguing study found that laparoscopic surgeons who played video games were 27 percent faster at advanced surgical procedures and made 37 percent fewer errors compared to those who did not play video games.
• Video games may enhance eyesight. Israeli researchers found that teens who played violent video games (think Call to Duty 2) showed a 43% improvement, on average, in their ability to discern between very close shades of gray. Now, they are studying whether video game play may someday replace eye surgery for certain patients.
• Video games may make your sons better citizens. Far from playing alone, most kids play video games with other kids in the room and interact with others both through their game play and in real life. Also, certain games, such as Sim City, give kids a first-person taste of government.
• Video games expand worldview and enhance learning. Think about all the historic titles out there: Battlefield 1942. Gettysburg. Civilization. Then think about all the simulation titles: Roller Coaster Tycoon. John Deere American Farmer. It's impossible to play games like these and not learn anything.

For more on video games, check out my Interview with a Video Game Designer, Parts 1 and 2.

Video Game Addiction?

By now you've probably heard the news: A new study says that 1 in 10 kids who play video games show behavioral signs of addiction. And boys, the study says, are more likely to show addictive symptoms than girls.

Getting lost in the hype is the fact that the study was conducted by the National Institute for Media and Family, a group which tends to have a somewhat negative view of video game and media usage. From their website:

"Our children are in trouble. Kids from preschool through high school are laying building blocks for success in school and life. They include self-discipline, the ability to delay gratification, perseverance, imagination, and respect. Study after study shows that poor media habits undermine every single one of these building blocks. Instead of being given the tools and experiences they need to succeed, more and more kids are shaped by a media culture that promotes more, easy, fast, fun, violence and disrespect."

Not exactly objective researchers, if you ask me.

I'm also troubled by the questions they asked children, questions such as:

• "Have you played video games as a way of escaping from problems or bad feelings?"
• "Do you sometimes skip household chores in order to spend more time playing video games?"
• "Do you sometimes skip doing homework in order to spend more time playing video games?"
• "Have you been spending much more thinking thinking about playing video games, learning about video game playing or planning the next opportunity for play?"

For the record, boys were more likely than girls to answer "yes" to these questions. In fact, 11.9% of the boys and only 2.9% of the girls answered yes to six or more of the questions asked (enough so to be classified as exhibiting "pathological video game use.").

But....What if this is just because video games still tend to skew to the male demographic? Maybe there simply aren't enough games to attract and hold young girls' attention?

And what if part of the reason boys are attracted to video games is because the rest of their environment doesn't respect their "boyness?" Our boys are growing up in a society that tells them to sit down, shut up and learn from books. BOYS ARE NOT DESIGNED THAT WAY! Boys are designed for activity and purpose, and maybe -- just maybe -- they're finding a way to feel like men in video games.

I've been reading The Purpose of Boys, and one of the things Gurian talks about is boys' need to be the hero, to serve a purpose. Are we giving our boys that chance in the world? Or are they finding it in video games? Not many of our boys today need to save their family from intruders or wild beasts; video games, though, give them that opportunity.

Is it so surprising that large numbers of boys choose video games over chores and schoolwork? And maybe even some of the more pathologically-appearing behavior can be reasonable explained: if parents put strict restrictions on a boy's video game usage, isn't he more likely to lie? To obsess about when he'll get to play next? Even to steal?

Is that, then, addiction?

As far as I'm concerned, the most important sentence in the study is this:

"The primary limitation of this study is its correlational nature. It does not provide evidence for the possible causal relations among the variables studied. It is certainly possible that pathological gaming causes poor school performance, and so forth, but it is equally likely that children who have trouble at school seek to play games to experience feelings of mastery, or that attention problems cause both poor school performance and an attraction to games. "

Tell me your opinion. What do you think of this study and the attendant media hype?

Q & A with a Video Game Designer: Part 2

Last Wednesday we talked with Greg Wondra, a video game designer at Zindagi Games, about how to get into the video game industry. Today, Wondra talks about kids and video games.

What would you say to parents who are concerned about the amount of time their sons spend playing video games?

I’d say it’s an absolutely valid concern. It might be funny to hear me say this since I work in the gaming industry and played a lot myself growing up (and still play a lot), but I’d tell parents to carefully monitor how much their kids are playing as well as what games they are playing. Don’t let your kids overdo it and don’t let them play games that are too mature for their age level.

In my mind there is no doubt a link between electronic entertainment and our childhood obesity problem. No doubt. And I sometimes feel guilty that I’m contributing to this problem by trying to create addictive entertainment. It’s easy to just sit in front of your TV all day and play games, but it’s certainly not healthy. It’s not good for one’s physical development and it’s not good for one’s social development.

There’s certainly a place for video games in society both as a form of entertainment and a form of education. Used appropriately, video games can serve as a privilege, as a reward for your children. However, if supervision is neglected, I 100% believe video games can have negative effects on your kid’s health, social development, mood, and behavior.

What kind of parental supervision do you think is most helpful for kids who play video games?

I think playing games WITH your children is most definitely the best kind of parental supervision when it comes to games. If you’re playing games with your kids, you not only have a good grasp as to how long they are playing and what they are playing, but you are also spending quality playtime with your children. Video games are a great way to learn teamwork, cooperation and how to win and lose with grace. They can teach you the value of perseverance -- of trying again and again until you do something right.

And the good news is, you can do all these things with your child. Pick up a controller and play with them. You can teach them things and they can teach you things. Problem solving is a huge skill learned from video games. With both of you playing together, you can collectively work towards overcoming adversity and achieving a common goal.

Parents should always be conscious of what their children are playing. While there is certainly software available for all age groups, there’s a lot out there that is inappropriate for younger children. Follow the video game rating system located on each box to get a better idea of what’s suitable and what’s not. I can tell from having worked at a youth center years ago, there are a ton of kids out there playing games they shouldn’t be playing and their parents have absolutely no idea.

The video game industry is subjected to a lot of negative press. What are the positives parents should know about video games?

As strong an advocate I am for monitoring your kids’ gaming content and playtime, I also feel strongly about the positives of video games that are, unfortunately, overlooked.

Outside of the potential positives I’ve already mentioned (learning things like cooperation, perseverance, etc.), I think the content in certain video games can educate kids in a memorable manner that textbooks simply can’t match.

For example, there are a ton of video games based around the historic events of World War II. Playing a game and reliving some of those experiences (seeing the sights and hearing the sounds) will have a much more lasting impact on someone than simply reading about it in a text book. It puts you in the moment and you’ll remember those moments.

Games like “Civilization” or “Sim City” can teach people about social dynamics and city planning. In Sim City, you are essentially the mayor of a town that you create. Go ahead and raise taxes if you like and see what the consequences will be.

In fact, many video games offer this type of trial and error learning. By their very nature, video games ask that you experiment and try new things. They always offer you choices and you’ll immediately get to see the consequences of your actions based on the decisions you make.

For example, let’s say you’re playing Sim City and as mayor you decide to spend taxpayer money on a new football stadium instead of new police and fire stations. Several simulated years after you’ve made this decision, you’ll see that while building the football stadium may have temporarily increased your popularity, the quality of your city has degraded with an increase in crime and hazard prevention. Perhaps that wasn’t such a good decision! At least it wasn’t real and now you’ve learned from your mistake and people always learn more from their mistakes than their successes.

Video games are vastly superior to other forms of education when it comes to this type of “trial and error” learning. You’re in an environment where it’s OK to make the wrong decision since you can press “reset” and try something different if the choice you made the first time around didn’t go over so well. This is something you don’t get with traditional schooling where your choices are made for you and you’re only asked to execute (a book report, for example).

Q and A with a Video Game Designer

Got a son who plays video games all day long? He just might grow up to be a video game designer! That's exactly what happened to my brother, Greg Wondra, now a video game designer with Zindagi Games. That's him above -- with Derek Jeter, cover athlete for 2K7 Major League Baseball. I talked to Greg about life as a video game designer:

What was your first video game system?

The Atari 2600 was where it all began for me. In fact, I still remember the day we got it. It was Christmas and I was probably about 5 or so (I’m now age 31). My dad got it from somewhere and I remember it coming with the games “Air Sea Battle” and “Combat” among others. I’m not kidding when I say this may be the oldest memory I still retain. Shortly after we got the Atari 2600 I remember my father buying a Colecovision off of a family friend (along with several games).

The first system I can say I actually helped buy with my OWN money was the original 8-bit Nintendo. That was back around 1988 or so when I was 10 years old. The original NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) cost $100 back then and I was so determined to get one, I saved up $70, my brother Tom kicked in $25, and my sister MaryBeth gave $5. One of the best purchases I’ve ever made. I still have all 3 of those systems….and they all still work. I now own more than a dozen gaming consoles.

How many hours a day did you play video games when you were a kid?

A LOT! It’s hard to put an exact number on it. I definitely had more time to play during the summer as a kid than I did during the school year but I bet I averaged a couple hours a day.

It was not uncommon back then for me to get what I called “Nintendo thumb.” “Nintendo Thumb” is when I played so long that I would literally have an imprint of a button left in my right thumb after hours of playing (and my thumb would be really sore.) “Super Mario Bros. 3” was responsible for giving me “Nintendo thumb” more than any other game.

That said, for as much as I played (and continue to play), I was always very conscious not to let games dominate my life too much. I played a lot of sports outdoors growing up as well.

How did your background in video games lead you to your current job?

I’m a little bit of an oddity in that almost every person I work with (about 90 – 95%) went to college with the idea of getting a job in the video game industry. They either studied computer science and became programmers or studied computer art applications and became artists. Some even went to schools with programs specifically catered towards video gaming degrees! I researched some of these schools but found them all to be way too expensive.

I was really one of the lucky ones. I saw a job posting on a web site about 5 years ago for a company that made sports video games looking for a designer. I’d never designed a video game before and had no formal training, but applied anyways since I felt like a lifetime of playing games prepared me well for such a role.

Fortunate enough to get the job, I soon realized that, while I had a LOT to learn about the actual process of making games, the foundation of my knowledge was strong. From day one, I felt I knew more about game design than anyone else there, because I didn’t just “play” games -- as I got older I got to understand them. I would try to figure them out a bit, find out how they worked, find out what they did to make the game fun or accessible.

Before I got that job, I’d actually started writing video game reviews for a now defunct website online for free. They’d send me free, burnt copies of games. I’d play them for several hours and write up a review. Being exposed to so many different types of games helped me to see common design practices games would use, everything from how they’d structure a game to how they’d design their menu screens. Reviewing games made me ask what was good about each game and what was bad. It made me think about what I’d do to improve the game and so forth. Doing this for several months greatly improved my ability to study a game, not just play it.

What’s it like to work in the development of video games? What is your job like on a day to day basis?

The biggest misconception about making games for a living is that the only thing we do all day is simply kick our feet up and play games. Nothing could be further from the truth. Making video games is a LOT of work, and nothing about this job is ever easy. It is not uncommon for people within this industry to regularly put in 50 – 60 hour work weeks – and sometimes more in the final months leading up to the game’s release.

A typical work day at Zindagi Games runs from about 9:00 am to 7:00 pm. We get off an hour for lunch and have off every other Friday (this work schedule of having off every other Friday is totally unheard of in the gaming industry….I’m very fortunate). However, I typical work longer hours than most as I usually get into the office around 8:00 A.M. and leave around 8:00 P.M. The more experience and responsibility you take on as you grow with a company, the longer your hours typically become.

In my current role as game designer / producer, I’m responsible for the entire design of the game, as well as creating everyone’s schedule (their “task lists” as we call it) in order to ensure the game gets built as intended -- both on time and on budget.

In my role, I decide everything from how the game should be played (what every button does, for example), what sounds and music should be heard, how the game should “flow” from one area of the game to the next, how CPU opponents or enemies should behave or react to what the user (you) are doing.

To do this, I must coordinate the efforts of an entire company. Zindagi Games has more than 50 employees and so one of the most important aspects of my job is ensuring that everyone is working towards a common goal and vision. Communication is vital. Everyone involved must understand what needs to be done in order to get the game built as intended.

Another part of my job is working with our publisher. I have several conference calls a week in which I must update our publishers on the current status of our game. If there are problems or issues that arise, they help us find solutions. This could come in the form of extending our contract to allow us more time to polish our product or providing us with necessary resources.

What are some of the perks of being a video game designer?

Seeing others playing and enjoying the game YOU worked on is an immensely satisfying feeling. Seeing the product you worked on in stores like Target and Wal-mart is very cool.

The perks of the job are great as well! We do, in fact, buy a lot of video games from the local video game store for us to research. (Checking out competing projects is an essential part of our job to ensure we are keeping up with the Joneses). As employees, we’re free to take these games home at night to play them in our free time, which is outstanding.

We also get to attend select video game trade shows and conventions not open to the public. Ever heard of an event called “E3?” (Electronic Entertainment Expo). For years this has been THE event for all things video games exclusive to people within the industry.

Lastly, depending on the game you’re working on, you might even wind up meeting some celebrities. Having worked on a Major League Baseball title for several years, I was fortunate enough to get a chance to meet with our “cover athlete,” Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees as well as Hall of Fame second baseman Joe Morgan, who did some of the commentary in our game. A lot of other video games use Hollywood actors to voice certain characters in their games.

Oh, I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention one more job perk: NO DRESS CODE!!! This is huge for me since I hate dressing up and feeling like a corporate shill. I show up for work everyday in a T-shirt and shorts. It’s a very casual work environment and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What do you suggest for boys who may be interested in a career in the video gaming industry?

Learn all you can about games. Learn about the different genres and different gaming systems. Learn about their differences and similarities. If you’re young, that means reading about games online (try IGN.com or Gamespot.com) or in magazines. Watch the channel “G4” on cable TV. Play a wide variety of games and see what kinds you like best. Talk about them with friends. Write reviews in a local school or city newspaper (if they are willing to accept them).

If you’re old enough and are interested in a career in the video gaming industry my best advice would be to contact someone who works in the industry and find out what it is they exactly do. Job shadow. See if you can spend a few hours at work with someone to see what their life is like on a day to day basis. There are a lot of different jobs within the video game industry (everything from programming, designing, artwork, sound, managing, marketing, quality assurance testing, you name it) that it would be good do some research into finding out what each person’s job entails and see if that’s something you could see yourself doing.

For those just coming of working age, working in a local video game store or electronics department is a good step. Doing that, you really get a sense of what the public is buying (which is critical knowledge if interested in making games you hope will actually sell).

Applying as a game tester at a local video game studio would be a good step for those of age that live close by a game studio. You’ll learn a ton about the development process working in such a job.

Lastly, I just want to say that having a passion for games (and for making games) is more important than anything else. I work with a lot of extremely intelligent individuals (people that have gotten perfect scores on their SATs, for example), but intelligence alone doesn’t make you good at your job. Above all else, having a passion and drive to make games can take you as far as you’re willing to go.

Having a strong work ethic and can-do attitude is way more important than just being smart and capable. I can tell you first hand that the most important aspect to a game company, when looking for individuals to hire, is to find someone who is willing to shoulder a part of the workload, to help the company rather than just punch a clock.

Have any more questions for Greg? Next week, he'll talk about video games and learning -- and answer any other questions you may have.

Video Games and Computers Win!

Video games and computers won the "Boys' Favorite Toy" poll!

A lot of people would bemoan this result. After all, video games and computers have been blamed for everything from increased child obesity to shortened attention spans to a lack of connection to the outside world.

I'll be the first to admit that I, too, have worried about the amount of time my boys spend playing video and computer games. But whenever I worry, I look at the big picture and see that my boys are doing fine. They ARE connected with nature. They DO go outside to play. They're active and fit and connected with the world around them.

So now, I consider computer and video games just another learning tool. That doesn't mean that the boys only play explicitly educational video games; it means that I've opened my mind to see what they are learning and accomplishing with every game they play. Sometimes it's facts or information; other times, it's stategy and critical thinking. Sometimes, it's fun and entertainment.

Favorite games in our house right now include Command and Conquer, a long, long, LONG time favorite (they just keep coming back to this one!) and Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga for Wii.

What are some of the favorite games in your house, and what do you see your boys learning from video and computer games?