Guns: Yay

We seem to be a pretty pro-toy gun bunch: over 60% of the respondents to my poll said they let their boys play with toy guns unrestricted. Of course, I have a healthy hunch that even "unrestricted" comes with some common sense guidelines. I mean, I answered "unrestricted," but if I see one of my boys whacking the other over the head with a toy gun -- well, that's another story!

(Can you tell that's happened here before?)

That said, I completely respect other parents' rules and wishes. If another family comes over to play and they are not comfortable with toy guns, I'll ask the boys to put them away.

For me, that's what it's all about: respect. Respecting our boys' desires to experiment with power and toy weapons. Respecting the weapons. And respecting each other. If we teach our sons to respect themselves and one another, I don't think we'll have to worry too much about real violence down the road.

New Look?

Ok, you're going to have to give me some input.

According to our latest poll, you're almost 50/50 split on the new look. So tell me: What do you like about it? What don't you like? Any features that would make the blog easier or more accessible for you?

And -- does anyone else see the big black box around the Blogging 'Bout Boys oval? It wasn't there when I first set up the new template, but then it was. I asked the designer, but she said it doesn't show up when she views it on her computer.

Video Games Make You Smarter!

Yes, that was a shameless plea for your attention.

According to our latest poll, a majority of readers believe that video games are primarily a negative influence on our sons. They are not alone. Video games have become a tremendously prevalent part of our society, and as parents, I think it's only natural to be concerned --and perhaps a bit suspicious -- of something that sucks up so much of our sons' time.

Besides, a slew of studies have suggested that our concerns are warranted. The latest research proclaims that 1 in 10 children are addicted to video games. Video games have been associated with everything from obesity to violent behavior. And let's face it: it's easy to denigrate anything that distracts your son from his chores and homework.

But the facts are not quite so conclusive. Like anything, video games have positive and negative effects. Here, a round-up of some of the positives:

• Video games improve problem solving and physical dexterity. According to the American Psychological Association, video games can improve cognitive and perceptual skills and foster scientific thinking. Also, one intriguing study found that laparoscopic surgeons who played video games were 27 percent faster at advanced surgical procedures and made 37 percent fewer errors compared to those who did not play video games.
• Video games may enhance eyesight. Israeli researchers found that teens who played violent video games (think Call to Duty 2) showed a 43% improvement, on average, in their ability to discern between very close shades of gray. Now, they are studying whether video game play may someday replace eye surgery for certain patients.
• Video games may make your sons better citizens. Far from playing alone, most kids play video games with other kids in the room and interact with others both through their game play and in real life. Also, certain games, such as Sim City, give kids a first-person taste of government.
• Video games expand worldview and enhance learning. Think about all the historic titles out there: Battlefield 1942. Gettysburg. Civilization. Then think about all the simulation titles: Roller Coaster Tycoon. John Deere American Farmer. It's impossible to play games like these and not learn anything.

For more on video games, check out my Interview with a Video Game Designer, Parts 1 and 2.

Poll Result: Are Boys or Girls More At Risk?

Ok, so we're a biased community.

52% of voters (vs. 31%) say that boys are more at-risk than girls, which makes perfect sense when you consider that a) the readers here tend to be parents of boys and b) readers here tend to be extremely concerned about boys' welfare.

The scary thing is that the statistics back up our concerns. Consider:

• Teenage boys are 5 times more likely than girls to commit suicide
• Boys are 200% more likely to be diagnosed with learning disabilities
• Boys are turning away from higher education at an alarming rate. Today, they're 24% LESS likely to enter or graduate from college than in 1970.
• 71% of all juvenilles arrested are boys
• Boys are much more likely to use (and abuse) alcohol and drugs

That's the grim part of the picture. But I'm here to tell you that raising a boy doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Our sons are wonderful human beings, full of possibility. The world may have a long way to go in understanding, recognizing and accepting male behavior (it IS normal for a 5-yr-old boy to be more interested in playing outside than learning to read, just as it's normal for a 5-yr-old boy to spend hours paging through books), but the good news is that we as parents can learn to enjoy our sons RIGHT NOW.

We don't have to wait for society to fully understand the differences between boys' brains and girls' brains and how that affects education. We don't need to completely unravel the association between testosterone, risk taking, aggression and violence. All we need is a willingness to strive for joy.

That means being open to joy, which necessarily means opening your mind. It means getting rid of any preconceived notions you have about what a boy "should" be like and looking at the boy (or boys) in front of you. It means appreciating their quirks and learning what makes them tick. It means helping them to find their joy, even as you learn to find yours.

I won't lie: raising boys is work. But it's also incredibly fun.