Snapshot Sunday: Metamorphosis

I could get all symbolic on you. But those two green things hanging down from the twigs are monarch caterpillar chrysalises. Son #1 and I found the first caterpillar on our hike a week ago; Son #3 brought home the second one the next day. Both pupated on Friday. Incredible! We've seen this process before (Boy #2 went through a two-year butterfly phase a few years ago), but never like this. This time, we literally sat and watched as the second caterpillar formed its hard, pale green pupa and shed its caterpillar skin for the very last time.

Now, we wait anxiously for the emergence of our monarch butterflies -- and for our third caterpillar, hidden under a milkweed leaf, to grow, change and fly like with others.

This is News?

According to a new study, "impulsive boys with inadequate supervision, poor families and deviant friends are more likely to commit criminal acts that land them in juvenile court."

Raise your hand if you're surprised. No one? I thought not.

As anyone with boys can tell you, poorly supervised boys + troublemaker friends = trouble. And the longer they're unsupervised and in the company of other boys who are not, uh, on the right track, the more likely it is that they will cause some real trouble.

This is not rocket science, people. This is common sense.

The study, which was published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, does have a surprising conclusion, though. It turns out that boys who went through the juvenille justice system were MORE likely to commit adult crimes. SEVEN TIMES more likely.

The theory is that the juvenille justice system concentrates the troublemakers in one place. Surround boys with bad influences and, well, expect bad outcomes.

It's disturbing news, and news which should make us rethink our approach to juvenilles and crime. Millions of dollars are poured into the juvenille justice system each year -- to increase adult crime?

Dr. Richard Trembly, a co-author of the study, calls for action. "Two solutions exist for this problem," Dr Tremblay says. "The first is to implement prevention programs before adolescence when problem children are more responsive. The second is to minimize the concentration of problem youths in juvenile justice programs, thereby reducing the risk of peer contagion."

Let's go back to the beginning. Impulsive boys with inadequate supervision, poor families and deviant friends are more likely to commit criminal acts. So let's start there! "Programs" may be helpful, but programs will never replace a family. Let's re-emphasize the importance of the family, and let's provide support for families. When our current policies push single mothers out into the workforce, are we supporting families? Or are we contributing to a situation of inadequate supervision?

Let's talk about the importance of the family, the role of the family. If we must provide programs, let's provide positive parenting programs and support groups. Let's help our children -- our boys especially -- find meaningful activity. Let's support their hopes, dreams and desires and show them how to get there.

We can reform our juvenille justice sytem, but if we're going to get anywhere, we need to start in the community and in the home. We need to start with the family.

Book Review: 100 Things Guys Need to Know

To state the obvious: I'm a gal. And always will be. So while I'll do my best to prepare my sons for the world, there are some things I just don't know.

That's why I was thrilled to find 100 Things Guys Need to Know, a thin, accessible book aimed at tween and teen boys. Covering topics such as You, Body and Mind, Family, School, Relationships and Future, this seemingly simple book by Bill Zimmerman touches on a little bit of everything.

The best part about the book is that it's based on the input of over 500 boys. Over 500 boys answered the author's Guy Survey, and their responses and concerns form the backbone of the book. Short, snappy sections and Guy Comix hold boys' attention and a recurring section called Check These Out suggests additional sources for more in depth study.

Here's an excerpt from the Intro:

"Outside of school, there are a lot of messages about what it means to be a guy. Movies, TV, music, magazines, and other media often hype guys who are buff, tough, and always in control. Sometimes the message is that guys should keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves -- that 'real guys' don't cry, show emotion, or ask for help -- even when they're struggling.

Some guys feel like they have to live up to these images. But you don't have to."

Of course, just because I loved the book doesn't mean your son will. So I asked my eleven-year-old son -- who promptly whisked the book away from me when it arrived and has since read it three times -- what he thought.

How would you describe this book to another boy?

(shrugging) It’s about 100 Things a Guy Need to Know.

What did you think of the format of the book?

It was good. I liked the Take Action, Check These Out, Guy Comix and surveys.

Which section did you find the most helpful?

Everything could have been helpful, but nothing’s covered enough to give you anything. The book covers a broad variety of important things, but it covers them for about one paragraph and then goes to something else.

Least helpful?

The Social Scene part of the relationship section, because I’ve sort of been in some of the situations, and it just doesn’t work like that. There’s not always someone in the group that’s nice. Cliques, you can’t do a thing against. If they don’t want you in, you’re not going to get in. If someone’s bullying you, no matter who you tell or how many times you tell, it’s only going to get worse, the more times you tell.

Any questions you wish were addressed?

I was kind of hoping the whole social scene and relationships would be covered more. I wanted more stuff that you can actually do to solve your problems.

Would you recommend this book to other boys? Why or why not?

I would, but just so they could read the Check These Out, for other books to check out.

I'm a Ripe Tomato

Meet my latest (OK, my 2nd) blogging award: Blog Salad's Ripe Tomato Award, presented by the generous, talented man otherwise known as Ron Doyle.

If you've been around awhile, you probably remember Ron's hilarious guest post during the May blogathon. (Does a hairy Tom Selleck ring a bell?) If not, you need to go check out his stuff. Immediately. Ron's an incredible writer.

Apparently, he thinks I'm not so bad either. Blogging 'Bout Boys was one of 15 blogs to win the Ripe Tomato award, which recognizes "fifteen of the greatest blogs ever written on bicycling, parenting, technology, frugal living and freelance writing." I know that's only Ron's opinion, but hey -- I already told you the man's a genius!

According to Ron, "there’s a social poignancy beneath Fink's blog—it chronicles the developmental stages of the dominant world of men—and her attempts to raise them differently than generations past."

I'm honored. But I'd like to say that this blog is bigger than just me. This blog is a community of concerned parents, helping each other raise boys to become responsible, fulfilled men. This blog is a community of citizens who know that our country can do better for its boys. This blog is a place where we share information and experiences, in hopes of changing the world for the better a little bit each day.

This is a place where we're silly and serious -- but beneath it all lies a deep undercurrent of love for our boys.

Real Life with Boys

A snippet from an actual conversation I had before 8 am this morning:

Boy #4: "Do you want to hear my poo song? This is hilarious. You might laugh!"

(singing)
"I love poo!
I love poo!
I love poo!
I love poo!

(spoken)
"Laugh!

(more singing)
"I love poo
I love poo poo

(spoken)
"Keep laughing!"

Then...

"I have a pee song too

(Singing again)
"I love pee-pee! I love..."

Into the Woods

Boy #1 and I took a marvelous hike last night.

There's an old railroad track in town, used on occasion but infrequently at best. Boy #1 wondered aloud where it left town -- and I, who have lived in this town for 30 of my 37 years, had no idea.

We decided to follow the track.

At first, it meandered in the typical places, overgrown but still very visible. Then, we found the trestle.

It was an old, decaying train trestle, spanning the river. Despite some signs of wear, it still looked safe, so we ventured across. On the other side, we found a wonderland.

Just feet away from civilization, we were surrounded in a jungle. Shrubs and vines grew up between and around the railroad track; black raspberry bushes bore fruit where trains once barreled past. A faint path wandered through the overgrowth, suggesting some human (or animal?) presence, but we felt like explorers breaking ground, perhaps the only people alive in town who knew this railway still existed.

We followed the track almost out of town, eventually climbing out at the industrial park. (Some factory employees were very surprised to see us!) The wonders, though, didn't cease. At the end of our trail, we found a monarch caterpillar, which we brought home on two milkweed leaves and saw crayfish, frogs and a school of minnows swimming in a creak.

Our hike was a miraculous moment, a shared experience that we will both remember. And I couldn't help but notice the symbolism.

This weekend, we dropped a bombshell on our children. With the deceptively simple words, "Your mom and I are going to be living in separate houses," we shattered their worlds. That's why we went on the walk. Boy #1 had been withdrawn, depressed, and I knew he needed to talk.

We started on familiar ground, then headed into the woods. At first, we were somber and uncertain, with neither of us sure where we were going to go. We ended up in a place of amazement, feeling light, happy and closer to each other than before.

I'm hoping this experience will be a little bit the same. We are heading into the unknown, and the woods are all around us. But like Boy #1 said, as long as we stick to the track, we can't get lost. The surroundings may be unfamiliar, but if we stick to the track -- our love for each other; our determination to keep our kids' lives as unchanged as possible, despite this massive shock -- I think we'll be OK.

And I hope that someday, we'll look up in amazement and realize we're in a whole new, wonderful place, one we never even knew existed.

Snapshot Sunday: Mohawk!