Snapshot Sunday: Brotherly Love

That's the sight I saw out my window the other day: Boy #2 helping Boy#3 ride his bike. See, it's not all just fighting around here.

That photo, BTW, is also the current Random Bike Photo at BIKE with Jackie, one of the amazing blogs participating in the May Blogathon. If you have any interesting bike photos, go ahead and send them to Jackie. She'd love to post them.

And speaking of the blogathon...today is the last day. You'll still be hearing from my blogathon buddies, though. I made some good friends and connections and plan to continue sharing guest posts with some outstanding writers and thinkers.

Tomorrow there will be a Blogathon Wrap-Up Party on Twitter. Time: 8:30 am Pacific, lasting approximately half an hour. Blogathoners from around the country will be gathering to discuss questions such as, "What new things did you learn about blogging?" and "What blogging tool or resource did you discover?"

If you're at all interested in blogging -- or just want to hear what a great bunch of writers have to say about the topic -- stop in. Look for the #MayBlog2 hashtag.

Unfortunately, I won't be there. I'll be taking Boy #1 to the orthodontist.

Oops -- Turns out, that's #2 with #4. I realized my mistake as soon as I stepped away from the computer. But like I told my sister-in-law: I'm forever getting their real names mixed up too. :)

New Look?

Ok, you're going to have to give me some input.

According to our latest poll, you're almost 50/50 split on the new look. So tell me: What do you like about it? What don't you like? Any features that would make the blog easier or more accessible for you?

And -- does anyone else see the big black box around the Blogging 'Bout Boys oval? It wasn't there when I first set up the new template, but then it was. I asked the designer, but she said it doesn't show up when she views it on her computer.

Hug Your Boys

Boys need two things that we tend to forget about when we focus only on their physical abilities and their higher activity levels: They need more touch and more conversation.

-- Michael Thompson, PhD, author of Raising Cain

How often do you hug your sons? As often as you hug your daughters?

An interesting study from Northern Ireland found that young children (under three) are hugged more often than older children. Older boys are the least likely to be hugged; 17% of the parents of boys ages 12-15 admitted they never hugged or cuddled those boys. Dads, by a 2 to 1 margin, were far more likely to hug or cuddle their 12-15 year-old daughters than sons.

Which is sad, especially when you consider this: Oxytocin, a hormone that enhances bonding, is released in the first 20 seconds of a hug -- for females. Boys need to be touched two to three times as much as girls to attain the same level of oxytocin.

Young boys, Thompson says, will ask for a hug when they need it. (Which is why I've been getting such wonderful, wonderful hugs from Boy #4 lately.) But older boys look to their parents for cues. If his parents seem at all uncomfortable about hugging and physical closeness, the growing boy soon stops asking and gets his physical contact through aggression instead.

I know I have to remind myself to hug my older boys, much more than with the younger ones, who squeeze love into me every chance they get. But it's so incredbily satisfying. Hugging my 11-year-old these days means feeling a chin on par with my shoulder. Hugging my 8-year-old brings out his dimples; he almost never asks for a hug anymore, but those dimples show me how much he still enjoys my touch. My 6-year-old likes to cuddle with me as he falls asleep, and my three-year-old -- well, his hugs are the light of my day.

So hug your sons, big or small. They may be old enough to wrap you in their arms, but that's OK. They still need your touch.

Guest Blogger: Sarah Webb on Testosterone

We have another blogathon guest blogger today! Sarah Webb is a scientist-turned-writer who has written about subjects including stem cells, the Mars rovers, and her own inability to do a handstand. (She's also the one who pointed me to the dancing cockatoo.) Her work has appeared in Discover, Science News, Scientific American.com, and a variety of other publications.

Ball and stick model of molecule: Structure produced by Ben Mills via Wikipedia


What happens when a former chemist visits a blog ‘bout boys? Her thoughts naturally turn to testosterone. As a woman, I also felt compelled to consult the man in my household on interesting testosterone tidbits. My husband, a fellow science geek, knows all sorts of wacky facts about both the brain and behavior. So here’s a mashup on that hormone that shapes maleness.

Testosterone is built on a stepladder of 3 hexagons and one pentagon like other steroid molecules. The female hormone, estrogen, also has this same basic shape, but also with some changes in the first hexagon on the left.

The Y chromosome instructs a developing male to produce testes. Those testes begin to crank out testosterone. The “default setting” for a developing fetus is to become female, but the waves of testosterone send a chemical signal—“you are male.”

(By the way, women have testosterone, too, made in other parts of the body, including the ovaries. They just have a lot less of it coursing through their veins. Men, boys, you also have estrogen-like hormones, which leads me to. . . .)

Testosterone shapes brain development. Male brains are usually bigger in humans but also have fewer connections binding the two sides together, a structure called the corpus callosum. But a brain doesn’t become male just by marinating in extra testosterone. Actually, the opposite—the testosterone is actually converted to an estrogen-like molecule, first. So the male sex hormone becomes a female hormone in order to etch maleness on the brain.

Isn’t biochemistry kooky sometimes? That puzzle is part of what makes it challenging, fun and truly fascinating.

Want to know more? Check out Sarah's blog at Webb of Science. (Oh yeah -- you'll find me over there today as well. )

10 Things I Like

Boys #2 and 3 got into it today. Again.

Boy #2 looked across the lunch table and told #3, "I hate you."

Inside, I was screaming. We've been through this before. They -- all four of them -- know that saying they "hate" someone is completely unacceptable. We've told them, over and over again, that it's OK to be mad, it's Ok to feel angry, and it's even OK to not like someone, but it's not OK to hate someone -- especially when that someone is your brother.

We've talked, over and over, about how it can be hard to get along sometimes, how the ones we live with are often the ones who annoy us the most. We've expressed sympathy. We've laid down the law. We've worked to create connections. And yet -- there was #2, saying he hated #3.

I took a deep breath. "Go get a piece of paper and a pencil and sit down." #2 grumbled, but complied.

I took the pencil from him and wrote "10 Things I Like About 3" on top. (OK, I didn't really write "3." I used his name.) #2 isn't a completely independent reader, but he knew what I wrote.

"Aaaaaaaaaawww, 10? Can't you make it 5?"

Nope. Ten.

So he sat. And he thought. His first "like" -- "I like it when #3 is gone!" -- was not quite what I was looking for. His second try -- "He gives me money" -- was closer. By number 8, he'd gotten around to, "Sometimes he's sort of funny."

The whole exercise made me think. It's easy for me to tell you the things I don't like about my kids. It's easy for me to tell you the myriad ways they're frustrating me. But do I really take time to think about all the things I like about my boys?

So I present 10 Things I Like About My Boys:

1. They challenge my thinking
2. They inspire me to be a better person
3. They teach me things (Thanks to my boys, I now know the difference between a crappie and a bluegill)
4. They give me a great excuse to go to the museum. And the zoo. The park too.
5. They've introduced me to the wonder of bugs. And dinosaurs.
6. They connect me to my Dad in a way nothing else has.
7. They love me -- and tell me so frequently.
8. They're not afraid to try new things
9. They're kind and helpful (for the most part)
10. They're convenient. I never have to comb their hair and they can pee anywhere.

What about you? What do you like about your boys?

Political Purity Over Protection of Children?

Thirteen-year-old Daniel Hauser has returned home.

Hauser is the (homeschooled) Minnesota boy who last week disappeared with his mother, Colleen, in an effort to avoid court-ordered chemotherapy. The case has obviously sparked a lot of debate. It touches on medical ethics, parental authority and the rights of individuals to make choices out-of-step with the mainstream.

The fact that Daniel is homeschooled adds another layer to the debate. Mike the Mad Biologist posted an interesting response to my post, Full Consent. Check it out:

"My experience has been that homeschooling parents are mostly (a large majority) very much opposed to any kind of scrutiny from the outside whatsoever. The Hauser case is an example of why some is needed: Homeschooling in and of itself is not intended as a means of hiding what we would all agree to be extreme behavior (on the part of parents) but it is very easily used as such.

"It is really up to the homeschooling community to do something about this, but by and large the homeschooling community won't, because, I believe, most individuals in this community prefer their own political purity over the protection of children in their community overall, and do not care, and perhaps even relish, if they are viewed as intractable in this matter by the rest of society. "

I want you to read this and think about it. Really think about it. If you're a homeschooler, your knee-jerk reaction is probably to, well, call the guy an uninformed jerk. But his words are important because he's expressing a common concern. Whether you agree with him or not, his words reflect of the views of a significant portion of the public.

I've thought about Mike's words all morning, the one thought that keeps circling through my brain is this: his underlying assumption is that "someone else" -- the larger society, perhaps -- knows better than parents what is or is not appropriate for their children.

In my opinion (and in my case) I resist greater scrutiny of our homeschooling and family life because I don't believe that society knows better than I what I or my children need. I resist greater scrutiny because I don't even agree with the larger society about what is or is not important. Do I think it's important for my kids to learn to read? Yes. At age 6? No.

Do I relish my own political purity (or, you might say, my individual freedom) over the protection of children in the homeschooling community? No. But do I think that greater oversight of homeschooling and homeschooling families will mean greater protection for our children? No. In fact, I think that greater oversight would cause more damage to more families and children.

What do you think of Mike's comments? Why?

Why Boys Love Candy

My boys love candy. They love Halloween, with loaded down plastic pumpkins. They love softball games, with concession stands full of treats and mad money jingling in their pockets. And they love parades, with the promise of candy littering the streets. (Yes, my children shoved Wal-Mart bags into their pockets before heading down the Memorial Day parade today, "just in case.")

Boy #3, in fact, can't wait for tomorrow to get here because he plan to call the Oriental Trading company and order 145 pieces of Warheads, an extremely sour candy.

Given that I have a sweet tooth myself, I can't entirely condemn their love of all things sweet (or sour). I've also made a conscious decision to let go, to not regulate their intake of cookies and cake and ice cream, because I believe that forbidding a food or artificially limiting it makes it more attractive. (For more, see Sandra Dodd's writings.)

Now a new study finds a biological basis to my sons' predilection for sweets. A study of 9000 children revealed that boys need 10 percent more sweetness and 20 percent more sourness than girls do to register "sweet" or "sour."

Interesting. We parents often comment about boys being "more" -- more active, more noisy, more intense. But consider the biology:

• Boys' hearing is less acute than girls' from day one
• Boys eyes are targeted to register movement, not subtle differences in color
• Boys have more dopamine in their bloodstream, which can increase impulsive behavior
• And now -- boys' taste buds are less refined than girls'

Is it any wonder our boys need More? Or even that their need for More sometimes, um, bugs their mothers just a tiny little bit? Boys NEED more noise, more taste and more action just to register the same sensations we might have felt, oh, 65 decibels ago.

It's a constant balancing act for me -- balancing my sons' need for stimulation with my need for peace and quiet. But at least now, I understand their need for More.