Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mommy Wars? What Mommy Wars?

Flickr photo by Praziquantel
Enough already.

Enough of the conversations about who's Mom enough. Enough of stay-at-home vs. work-out-of-the-home moms. Enough attachment parenting vs. Tiger mothering vs. Bringing up Bebe. Enough!

Elizabeth at Clarity in the Chaos wrote a fabulous blog post today that touches on those subjects exactly. Life is hard, she says:

For a while there I think maybe I thought life was easy, but it's really not. Not for anyone. It's hard whether you're working or parenting or both or neither. 

What gets me the most about the so-called Mommy Wars (besides the fact that really, we should be supporting each other instead of tearing each other down) is the inherent naivete, the hidden and unspoken idea that you will remain whatever superior thing you are right now, at this moment. But you know what, ladies? That's rarely what happens, because LIFE CHANGES.

In the 14 years I've been a parent, I'm been a full-time work-outside-of-the-home mom, a part-time work-outside-the-home mom, a full-time stay-at-home-mom and a combination stay-at-home/work-from-home mom. I've been a married mom and a single mom; a homeschooling mom, a mom of parochial schooled kids and a mom of public schooled kids.

Through it all, I've done what moms around the world do each and every day: I've parented and nurtured my kids to the best of my ability, given our circumstances.

Flickr photo by kwbridge
Flickr photo by Diganta Talukdar
That's what moms do. So let's stop fighting and start celebrating instead. Moms have an amazing ability to love and care for their children, no matter what the circumstances.

 This Mother's Day, let's remember that, and ditch the Mommy Wars once and for all. 


  1. A-to-the-men.

    So often I retreat into my shell or stick my head in the sand when these manufactured battles rise up, but I think I had just had it.

    Thanks for the kind words and shout out. Wonderful post.

    Happy Mother's Day, Jennifer!

  2. You are, of course, correct. Most of us move through many variations of work, stay-at-home, singleness and couplehood during the 18+ years we have children "at home". We need to be there for one another, support each other, and be civil. Oh, and I didn't actually know there was a mommy war going on, so thanks for the update!

    1. I haven't actually seen any moms taking up arms, but there has been some aggravating mom-baiting stuff in the press lately. I'm sick of it, and I hope that more moms will refuse to take the bait.

  3. Thank you! It's easy to set ourselves up to think what we're doing right now is THE WAY, and it may very well be perfect for us in this moment. But, as you said- time changes and life changes. Kids grow, we grow, people come into our lives and people leave- nothing stays the same. The more we can roll with it and realize that we're all probably doing the best we can in the moment, the easier we can make it for ourselves and others. Happy Mothers Day!!

    1. I couldn't have said it better myself.

  4. I think one of the problems in this parenting world comes about when a parent states one of their philosophies but then says "I'm not judging anyone else, this is just the way I do it." In the end, other people still feel judged. My kids are now 15, 18 and 19 but I will give an example of something I did when they were younger to show that I was just as guilty of this as anyone else. I did not spank my kids and I would willingly tell anyone about my philosophies if we happened to get into a conversation about it. I would never be the first to bring it up and I would always make sure that I told them that I thought it was okay for other parents to spank but I just chose not to spank. Looking back I realize now that even though I always said that, I am sure the other parents still felt judged. Even if I said that I wasn't judging them, I probably came off as sounding like I felt superior. Unfortunately I was probably telling others because of my own insecurities about other failures in my parenting. I'm not sure what the answer is but I do know that I more than likely came off as judgmental. I'm kind of sorry for it now but I'm hoping I am not as bad now that my kids are older.

    1. What an insightful comment, Elise! Upon reflection, I think you're absolutely right (and that I'm also guilty of judging when I said I wasn't). I know that my views -- and my willingness to embrace different ways of doing things -- has definitely increased as my kids have gotten older, and with each subsequent child. There's nothing like having kids to show you that you don't know it all after all. ;)