Book Review: Tutor in a Book

It's the third week of school. How's it going?

School is a struggle for many boys. But that doesn't mean your sons are doomed to a lifetime of sub-par academic achievement. The key is understanding your son. What makes him tick? How does he learn? What obstacles are blocking his success?

Alexandra Mayzler, founder of Thinking Caps Tutoring, has written a new book to help all students reach their academic potential. Tutor in a Book: Better Grades as Easy as 1-2-3 features interactive quizzes to help you assess your child's learning style and situation, as well as real-life case studies and dozens of practical tips designed to boost your child's organization, time management and study skills.

Recently, I talked to Alexandra about the best ways to help boys learn:

Why do so many boys struggle in school?

I think that boys have a lot of energy, and it takes a lot of willpower for a middle school boy to hold that in while sitting in a chair for a whole lesson. Asking any child to sit quietly for a long period of time is a challenge, but boys, from the beginning are encouraged to be active, so honing focus is an even bigger challenge. Also, in the middle school years, a boy might be more inclined to rebel, so the consequences of rebellion may play out in school work.


Boys often have difficulty with the classic sit-down-and-learn approach that's so common in today's classroom. Are there any techniques that you find particularly useful when tutoring boys?


Make class interactive. Encourage boys to come up to the board and write answers. If there is time, start or finish a class period with an activity involving movement, such as stretching or a partner activity. Try hands-on projects such as diagrams or making boardgames. We also like to have boys do homework in non-traditional spots such as on the floor. As long as they stay organized and keep track of the materials, changing the homework spot can help boys stay focused.

So often, homework turns into a battle. What's your #1 homework tip for parents of boys?

Who knows your boy better than you do? Adapt a homework approach that fits his needs and lifestyle. If he needs to move around a lot during homework time, schedule short, frequent breaks. Communicate your goals and expectations before there’s a problem and hear what your son has to say about his hopes for the school year. By personalizing the study process and keeping communication lines open everyone can have a successful year!

Disclaimer: I received a free review copy of Tutor in a Book.

Undergoing Renovation

Yep, things look different around here.

I'd been using a free blog template for almost two years, but the designer no longer has access to those images. So out with the old, in with the new!

The only problem is, I'm not sure what the new will be. Please bear with me as I establish a new look for Blogging 'Bout Boys. Any suggestions?

What Are Your Boys Into?

Ever notice how certain obsessions come and go?

For awhile, Boy #2 was obsessed with dinosaurs. Then he switched to butterflies. (Go figure.) Some days, the Tonka trucks are in style. Other days, they're not.

The latest obsessions at my house are Lincoln logs, sand and water. Let me explain.

The Lincoln logs are just, well, cool. We had some for years, but as you've probably already figured out, you can never have too many Lincoln logs. So when none of my brothers stepped up to claim the Lincoln logs at my parents' house last fall, I brought them home and added them to our stash.

For three days now, my youngest three boys have been creating elaborate constructions out of the notched wooden blocks. Garages seem to be their building-of-choice; miniature cars sit safely in the structures, guarded by the plastic figurines my boys so helpfully place on the roof.

Of course, no boy can stay inside forever, and lately when mine head outside, they head straight for the sandbox. They started digging last week, during a major rain storm. They dug out a pit, next to the sandbox. (WHY do they always have to dig next to the sandbox?) The pit filled with water, as intended. The boys joked that it would be funny to see a fish in the puddle, and Boy #1 happily agreed. He went fishing early the next morning with a friend and not-so-secretly planted three bullheads in the pit.

I may have been the only woman in the neighborhood with fish swimming at the bottom of her garage stairs. I'm pretty sure I'm the only woman in the neighborhood (in the town?) who ate a fish dinner today from her backyard. (Boy #1 fried us up a succulent fish dinner today after adding fish to the pond yesterday).

So the fish are gone -- but the boys' interest in sand and water has not abated. They were out there again this afternoon, re-shaping the pond and creating rivers, streams and dams.

What are your boys into these days?

And the Winner Is...

Denise Schipani!

Denise, who blogs over at Confessions of a Mean Mommy, is proud mommy to Daniel and James. She's also sick of people assuming that her boys will someday grow up and forget all about her. (Boy-moms, can you relate? I sure can!)

Thanks to all who entered my contest. Only one could win, and this time around, that winner is Denise. An autographed copy of I'm Outnumbered: One Mom's Lessons in the Lively Are of Raising Boys is on its way.

Banish the Bad Guys?

If you have boys at home, you know they're built for battle. Whether you allow gun play or not, whether you own a TV or not, I'll willing to bet that your boys have played some kind of war/cops-robbers/good guy-bad guy game -- probably within the last 24 hours.

But not all adults are comfortable with this kind of play, and that can be a problem for boys in school, in daycare and at home.

A recent MSNBC article, "Bring it: Boys may benefit from aggressive play," analyzed the research on both sides of the story and concluded that there is nothing inherently wrong with boys' battle play. However, many teachers (and some parents) continue to believe that allowing mock battle play will somehow reinforce violent attitudes and behavior.

And, on a practical note, many teachers and parents simply find battle play harder to deal with than, say, pretend house play. In the MSNBC article, researcher Mary Ellin Logue is quoted as saying, "We don't want to condone violence, we don't want to risk it getting out of control..."

I can relate to that concern. As a parent, it can be extraordinarily difficult for me to let the battle play continue, especially when I see the stakes rising or a younger brother getting frustrated. As a parent, I know only all too well that the line between happy play and sobbing child is tissue-paper thin. As a parent, it sometimes seems that would it be much easier -- for me -- to squash the battle play all together than to deal with raised voices, swinging swords and potentially unhappy children. But is that best for my boys?

I think not, and the research agrees with me. Sophisticated play (yes, even play that includes one team holding down the fort while the other tries to break in) helps children learn delayed gratification, consideration for other's perspectives and impulse control. It also encourages imagination and storytelling, two skills that are crucial for later success in writing. And battle play may even help children deal with their inner demons. Some researchers suggest that fighting against "the bad guys" is little boys' way of working through their own less-than-admirable impulses. "These bad guys," Logue is quoted as saying, "give them a way to externalize that part of them that they are trying to conquer."

So before you rush in to break up your sons' battles, take a breath. Watch. Listen. Observe. And when you feel your adrenaline rising, remember these words of Michael Thompson, author of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys: "Play, rougher in its themes and rougher physically, is a feature of boyhood in every society on Earth."

Contest Announcement: Book Giveaway!

In case you missed it yesterday, I'm giving away one autographed copy of Laura Lee Grove's new book, I'm Outnumbered: One Mom's Lessons in the Lively Art of Raising Boys. To enter:

•Leave a comment, either telling me one thing you've learned about raising boys or asking a question about boys. I'll answer all questions in future posts.

•Be sure to include your contact info! Please leave an email address, so I can contact you if you're the winner.

•One comment = one entry. (And please, no more than one comment per blog post). To earn additional entries, you can...

•Tweet the contest. Each tweet (up to one per day per entrant) equals one more entry. Please include my Twitter tag (@jlwf) so I know you've tweeted!

•Mention the contest on Facebook. Again, be sure to let me know. (You can find me on Facebook as Jennifer L.W. Fink.)

•Mention the contest in a blog post and include a link back to my blog. I love getting to know other bloggers!

The contest will run through midnight CST next Friday, September 10. The winner will be drawn at random via http://www.random.org/ and will be notified ASAP. Laura will send the book directly to the winner.

Good luck!

Books About Boys: I'm Outnumbered!

Laura Lee Groves gets me. As another mom of four boys, she fully understands the joys and challenges of raising a houseful of mini-men. That's why I'm thrilled to announce the publication of her book, I'm Outnumbered: One Mom's Lessons in the Lively Art of Raising Boys.

Laura is a high school English and drama teacher who writes to bring encouragement and inspiration to moms. She's has written for Moody Magazine, Focus on the Family’s Focus on Your Child, Coral Ridge Ministries and has penned and directed several madrigal dinner plays.

I recently asked Laura a few questions about the art of raising boys:

What's the hardest thing about being a mom of boys?

To me, feeling so outnumbered. I love my boys, but I have often felt rather isolated, as a woman. There have been times I've felt misunderstood, too, by moms whose lives were so different from mine.

How are the dynamics in a many-boy household different from a one-boy household?

Same thing only more! When there's only one boy, he doesn't have anyone to wrestle with. Increase the number of boys, and the wrestling multiplies exponentially! The dynamics of multiple boys is both fascinating and frightening. When they're a band of brothers, it's wonderful; when they're in competition (so common with boys), it can get crazy.

What would you say are some of the top challenges facing boys today -- and how can parents help?

Media choices, I'd say. Teaching our boys to discern is the key -- guiding and leading them to make wise choices for themselves. The lure of technology is so great and will only grow in coming years. We won't always be there, and our boys needs to know how to maintain balance in the light of that lure.

A lot of boys today seem to be struggling in school. As a teacher and mom of boys, why do you think this is so? What can be done to help boys learn?

Oh, I think there are many reasons, ranging from acceptance of stereotypes (on the part of teachers and parents), lack of understanding of boys by teachers, and the nature of the boy beast (in the current educational atmosphere). The best thing we can do is foster and nurture a love of learning and discovery -- early -- so that it lasts. Next, we need to set the bar for our boys and expect excellence while balancing that with unconditional love. We need to look for their best in all things and be willing to accept their best as their best. We can't tie our acceptance to their educational -- or any other type of -- achievement.

How have your boys helped you grow?

Oh, my. I truly understand the male beast better after raising four of them. They helped develop a different side of me -- helped me keep alive the wonder and discovery and joy of childhood. Even though they're young men, they continue to be captivated by the wonder of discovery, and they drag me along. Practically, my experience with them pushed me to write a book, and I've certainly grown though that process.

Want to know more about Laura? Visit her (wonderful!) blog at www.outnumberedmom.com/.
Want a copy of her book? Enter my contest! Laura has agreed to donate one signed copy of I'm Outnumbered! to one lucky Blogging 'Bout Boys reader. To enter:

• Leave a comment, either telling me one thing you've learned about raising boys or asking a question about boys. I'll answer all questions in future posts.
• Be sure to include your contact info! Please leave an email address, so I can contact you if you're the winner.
• One comment = one entry. (And please, no more than one comment per blog post). To earn additional entries, you can...
• Tweet the contest. Each tweet (up to one per day per entrant) equals one more entry. Please include my Twitter tag (@jlwf) so I know you've tweeted!
• Mention the contest on Facebook. Again, be sure to let me know. (You can find me on Facebook as Jennifer L.W. Fink.)
• Mention the contest in a blog post and include a link back to my blog. I love getting to know other bloggers!

Now for the legal mumbo-jumbo: The contest will run through midnight CST next Friday, September 10. The winner will be drawn at random via http://www.random.org/ and will be notified ASAP. Laura will send the book directly to the winner.

Ready? Comment!