Homework at My House

1st grade homework project

I might not be a fan of busywork-as-homework. I might even encourage parents to think long and hard about why, exactly, they want to to "make" their sons do their homework. But that doesn't mean that I encourage my kids to ignore homework or to disrespect teachers.

After reading my original blog post, How To Get Boys to Do Homework, Part 1, a reader asked:

Are you teaching your sons to ignore/disrespect authority figures?

The short answer is no.

This is what homework looks like at my house:

The boys come home after school. They settle into comfy chairs (after rummaging through the cupboards) and plug into their electrical devices. I let them. After spending their whole day in school, following the demands of an exterior schedule, I give them time to unwind. To do what they want to do.

After awhile, I ask about homework. Boy #2 usually doesn't have any; he typically gets all of his assignments done at school. Boy #3 may or may not have homework -- a math worksheet, a science packet, or part of a larger project that needs to be completed. He is also required to read and practice math facts each month, and receives a grade based on how many math minutes and reading minutes he's completed at month's end. Boy #4, a 1st grader, inevitably has to read a book. He might also have a math worksheet to complete.

Boy #1, my high school freshman, is completely responsible for his own work, and that amount of work he has varies on a daily basis.

I do not push or force Boy #3 to do his reading and math minutes. As I discussed in Homework, Part 1, he knows that his grade reflects his effort. He knows what he has to do if he wants to earn an A. And often, he puts off his reading and math minutes 'til the end of the month. He has done a whole "month's worth" of reading in just three days.

If he has homework, or a looming project, I will remind him of his work. I may set aside some time to work with him. For instance, when he did a project about tourist destination in our state, I scheduled time for a family field trip to the destination. I helped him figure out Power Point; he'd decided to do a Power Point presentation, so we figured it out together. I reviewed his work when he asked me to, and I offered him opportunities to practice his presentation. (Each student was required to present their work to the class as well.) But when he declined my offer, I respected his decision. To practice or not practice -- that is his choice. He will get the resulting grade. And if it's not as good as he'd like, perhaps he'll make a different choice the next time around.

Boy #4 and I read together after supper. Sometimes, he asks if he can read the book to himself, instead of aloud. I say yes. I know from experience that he always stops and asks me words he can't read anyway. ("Mom, what is e-x-c-i-t-e-d?") We also talk about his book; I can tell from his answers (and his questions) if he's read and understood the material.

Boy #1 handles his homework on his own. He manages his time. He decides how hard (or not) to work on a particular assignment. I provide support as requested. I've proofread papers and projects and offered feedback -- but only when requested. I've discussed ideas and books with him. (Right now, we're both reading Cannery Row.
)

That's it. I don't get into homework battles with my sons, because it's their work. They -- not me -- bear the consequences of the choices they make. And in the end, if one of my sons decides to settle for a lower grade on a particular project or assignment because he doesn't want to put in the additional work for a higher grade, I don't push or prod or argue. His choice. His grades. I care more about sons' overall development than I do about any one particular grade.

How about you? What does school work or homework look like at your house?

Boys & School

If you've been following this blog for awhile, you know that my boys were homeschooled, and that all four of them are now in school full-time. If you're new here, well, you just found out.

The transition to school is going fine, for the most part. But let me tell you: My reasons for homeschooling remain as valid as ever. Homeschooling, I believe, gives kids the chance to follow and learn from their passions. School too often squishes passions and interests at the altar of standardized achievement.

The Red Zone

Case in point: My 6-year-old son, a passionate, self-motivated learner got in trouble at school the other day. Why? Because he was squirmy and talkative and social. You can read more about it over at Boys and Young Men: Attention Must Be Paid.

Here's an excerpt:

Not even one month into the school year, my son got in trouble – major, Red-level trouble – for moving, talking and socializing. The school gets into no trouble whatsoever for failing to provide my son with a learning environment that engages him, that takes into account his needs and knowledge and learning style.

The Red incident happened two days ago. Yesterday, the same son came home with what looked like a massive black-and-yellow bruise on his lower abdomen at belt level. After some talking, I that my son found an unopened black walnut outside at recess. (Never seen one? They look like this:

My nature-loving son wanted to play with them. But the bell was ringing, so he jammed one into the waistband of his underwear. His belt and jeans held the black walnut firmly in place, through at least half of gym class. And -- as you may have guessed by now -- stained his skin.

Later, I asked what he wanted to do with the black walnut.

"Throw it," he said.

Such a simple request. But he's in an environment that a) only offers limited time outside, b) provides very little time for free play and c) frowns upon the throwing of objects. One month into the school year, my son has internalized those facts. And resorted to smuggling black walnuts in his shorts.

How School Squelches Boys & Men

I tell myself he will be fine, and for the most part, he will. Fortunately, he still has two loving parents who read to him, who take him interesting places and who make sure he gets plenty of time in the woods and in fields. But I can't help but wonder how much more interesting (and joyous) his learning path would be if he was allowed to follow his own interests, instead of squashing them in the service of organized, institutional learning. And I can't help but feel sad inside for all the boys who know nothing more than school. In every school, there are boys, like my son, who are squashing their natural desires and curiosity to pursue educational goals that seem meaningless to them.

That's not to say that education, or even institutional education, is worthless. It is to say that learning, real learning, works best when coupled with real life.

Some will say that little boys (such as my son) need to learn how to sit down, be quiet and follow directions. And I agree: they do. But I'd argue that the pace matters. I'd argue that there's no harm whatsoever -- and many benefits -- to letting young boys (such as my son) learn through movement and active play and exploration. No harm at all in letting young boys gradually grow into self-control.

It will happen. I have seen countless, homeschooled boys grown into polite, well-mannered, socially-adjusted young men -- without ever sitting in a circle on a rug, filling out countless worksheets or losing recess.

What are your thoughts regarding boys and school? 

Making Connections, Gangnam Style

A deep interest in anything can lead to anything.

That's the philosophy that drove my homeschooling efforts and style, and the philosophy that underlies much of my parenting. It's also the reason I'm writing about Gangnam Style again.

As probably know by now, Psy's song is poised for world domination. The Korean rapper has been on Ellen. And The Today Show. And just about everywhere else. What you may not know is that Gangnam is actually an affluent section of Seoul, and that the song, Gangnam Style, is a commentary of sorts about that region.

Today, the Kansas City Star published an intriguing article that digs a bit deeper into the song and the music video's imagery. Turns out, the catchy song is actually a pretty clever piece of social commentary.

That's how learning works in the real world. You start with one thing -- a popular song -- for instance, and end up learning about geography and history and music and media and globalization.

Want to dig deeper? Here are some ideas for a Gangnam Style unit study:

Social Studies: Locate North and South Korea on a map. Look up and discuss the differences in government and standard of living between North and South Korea. Study the Korean War. What were the two countries fighting about? How and why did the US become involved?

Phy Ed/Arts: Learn the Gangnam Style dance. Develop your own trademark dance move.

Language Arts: Write your own Gangnam Style song: Pick as aspect of social or popular culture, and write song lyrics about it. Write a paper comparing and contrasting Gangnam with an affluent US city. Identify and discuss other songs/poems/stories that include social commentary.

Math: Compare the cost of living in Gangnam to the cost of living where you live. Compare and contrast average salaries and the cost of living in different areas of the country, or different countries.

Business: Discuss: Why is Psy so popular in the US? How can he capitalize on the popularity of Gangnam Style? Also discuss the firing of the California lifeguards who made a parody video.

Care to add to my list? What has Gangnam Style taught you or your boys?

Doing the Best We Can

I've been thinking a lot lately about how other moms treat one another. Blogging 'Bout Boys reader Elise made a very insightful comment to my post Mommy Wars? What Mommy Wars?:

 I think one of the problems in this parenting world comes about when a parent states one of their philosophies but then says "I'm not judging anyone else, this is just the way I do it." In the end, other people still feel judged. My kids are now 15, 18 and 19 but I will give an example of something I did when they were younger to show that I was just as guilty of this as anyone else. I did not spank my kids and I would willingly tell anyone about my philosophies if we happened to get into a conversation about it. I would never be the first to bring it up and I would always make sure that I told them that I thought it was okay for other parents to spank but I just chose not to spank. Looking back I realize now that even though I always said that, I am sure the other parents still felt judged. Even if I said that I wasn't judging them, I probably came off as sounding like I felt superior.

She's right, I think, and I'm as guilty as anyone else. Because you know what? The truth be told, sometimes I did feel superior. Like many of you, I've done a lot of reading and writing and reflecting about parenting. I've read the works of the experts; heck, I've even interviewed some of the experts! Plus I get compliments all the time about how intelligent and polite and pleasant my children are, so I must be doing something right -- right?

Secretly, I have believed that I know the "best" way. In general, I believe that natural childbirth is better for moms and babies, that breastfeeding is better than bottle feeding and that it's important for kids to have a secure attachment to home and family before they venture out into the world. In general, I believe that homeschooling is a wonderful educational option, that children's opinions matter and that kids need lots of time and freedom to play.

But in the last few years, I've come to recognize that most of us are doing the best we can with the circumstances at hand. My divorce taught me that, in a very painful and real way. You see, I still believe that homeschooling is the best educational option for my boys. But my ex doesn't agree, so for awhile, our homeschooled kids took two classes a piece at a local public school. Then the stresses of single parenthood set in. Trying to homeschool while earning enough money to support a family of five is hard, and I realized that I was shortchanging both homeschooling and my job (not to mention myself). I was constantly trying to be in two places at once: if I was upstairs with the kids, I was watching the clock to see when I'd next need to bound downstairs to do an interview. When I was in my office, I'd feel guilty that I wasn't more present for my kids. Homeschooling, the way I liked to do it, requires a fair amount of relaxed and unstructured time, and that simply didn't exist anymore, at least not in great measure.

So I made the difficult decision to send three kids to school full-time this year. That decision has allowed me to concentrate on my work during the day, and to be fully present for my kids in the afternoons and evenings. And things are working out just fine. My kids are thriving, and so is my career.

Through tough experience, I've learned that our circumstances affect our parenting decisions, and that what we say (and how we say it) affects other people. Elise's comment came to mind when I read this comment from Cassandra, written in response to my Helping Boys in a Sex-Soaked Society post:

We don't allow our kids to watch TV or surf the web alone. We homeschool. I have a seven-year-old son and there is no way he has any idea what the word sexy even is. I'm curious about how much media your kids are exposed to? Although the media does show us a very skewed and almost gross portrayal of 'the perfect woman' or what sex is all about.. it's our responsibility to protect our kids from these images and messages, isn't it?

She's not directly judging me, or calling me a bad parent, but it feels that way. Her well-meaning comments seem to imply that if I cared enough, I would make sure that my 6-year-old had no exposure to anything that would remotely smack of "sexy."


But, I want to say, but...

• He's the youngest of four boys. It's a lot easier to keep the channel tuned to PBS when your oldest child is 7. It's a lot harder when your oldest is 14.
• Even if I instituted a media-blackout, he'd watch at his dad's. Turning off the TV is a great idea, in theory, but what if both parents aren't on board?
• I homeschool! Or at least I did, as long as I could. And besides, aren't there many different philosophies of homeschooling?

What I want to say is, I'm doing the best I can!  

I think Casandra could understand that, if we sat down together.  If she knew me and the circumstances of my life, I think she'd understand that I am doing the very best I can with the cards I've been given. 

You are too. And so are the moms and dads around you. Each of brings our past and present to our parenting decisions, and each of us must adapt our parenting style on a daily basis. Every day, we make decisions based on our values and circumstances and yes, on whether or not we've had our caffeine for the day. Sometimes we make good calls; sometimes, we flounder. That's OK. That's part of parenting. The biggest parenting secret of all is that there is no best way; there's only what works for you and your family, in a given moment.

 

Best of the Blogs

WAT Book Club Four Great Books for Boys. Full disclosure: I used to write for an editor who is now part of the We Are Teachers (WAT) team. But that's now why I'm recommending this blog post. I'm recommending this post because I'm always interested in seeing great book suggestions for boys -- and I'm particularly enthusiastic about this post because it introduces four books I'd never heard of. (For the record, The Achilles Effect is not so keen on "Books for Boys" lists. You can be sure that we'll talk cover that topic in my upcoming author Q & A!)

Dictators with Mommy Issues. You know I'm a fan of Kate Stone Lombardi, and that I loved her book, The Mama's Boy Myth. The last lines of this post, though, are just precious:

Let's see....Stalin and his mother were savagely beaten by his alcoholic father. She fought the father to try to keep her son in school. Yup, must have been that close relationship with him mom that made Stalin the monster he was. 

My Son Looks Like a Girl. So What? I've been thinking a lot of gender lately, and the messages we send our boys about what's OK and what's not. So Catherine Newman's post about her 12-year-old son's long, pink-dipped hair caught my attention. Really, what does hair matter anyway? Isn't it what are kids are inside that matters?

My Vote of Dweebiest Superintendent of the Week. According to Lenore Skenazy, five high school seniors in Indiana decorated the interior of their school with post-it notes. (With inside adult assistance.) The kids were suspended. The custodian lost his job. Actually, a total of 67 kids were suspended. Did the superintendent might the right call? Or do you agree with Skenazy? Why?

 Integrating Tech Tools Into Learning. Shameless self-promotion: This is a blog post I wrote for onlineschools.com. But I have a feeling that some of you may be interested in fun and educational tech tools as well.

How to Work From Home and Homeschool. Yeah, this one is mine too. ;)

Did you see any blog posts that caught your eye this week? Share a link below!

Real Life With Real Boys

Photo by Hans S via Flickr

Today, I was the expert, at least for an hour.

I presented a one-hour session about Homeschooling Boys at the Wisconsin Parents Association conference. It was a great experience, as always. (I love talking to other parents about the joys and challenges of raising boys!) But it was also pretty ego-gratifyiing. People came up to me after the session and told me how much they enjoyed the presentation and discussion; one woman told me my session was her favorite of the entire conference! I even had people on the elevator tell me how much they enjoyed last year's session.

Then I came home. The kids were tired and crabby. I was tired and crabby. More than anything in the world, I was looking forward to bedtime. But...

"What's wrong with the freezer?" my 14-year-old asked.

"The freezer? Why?" (Ever wonder why we even bother asking Why? Would my 14-year-old even be aware of the freezer if he didn't need it in some way, shape or form, right now?)

"It's all full of ice and snow," he said. "And my fish are melting!"

I should point out that my 14-year-old is the passionate fisherman of the family. And that he uses the upright freezer to store his dead bait. Which was thawing out. In my freezer.

The smell was AWFUL!

Just like that, my stint as expert was over, and I was reminded, yet again, that real life with boys is never as neat and tidy as it sounds when I discuss or write about parenting boys. Real life with boys is messy and smelly and full of unexpected circumstances.I never imagined that I'd be defrosting the freezer tonight. Or lighting my scented candles to combat Smelly Fish Syndrome. But I am.

So take the experts with a grain of salt. Real life doesn't exist in the pages of a book, and the answers to our real-life problems will never be found tucked neatly in between two covers, or on a blog, or in a speech. Real life takes you places you never meant to go, and suddenly, you're struggling to respond.

Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. And stock up on scented candles.You never know when you're going to need them.

Join My Community!

This past weekend, I had the honor of speaking at the InHome conference in St. Charles, Illinois. I presented 3 sessions: Single Parent Homeschooling, Homeschooling Boys, and Boundless Energy: Understanding (and Respecting) Boys' Need for Movement.

It was an inspiring experience, to say the least! At times over the past year, I have felt like "less-than" a homeschool parent. Three of my kids are in school full-time. The fourth takes classes at school. Because of my need to work, I rarely get together with homeschool families anymore, and no longer attend our local homeschool group.

But you know what? I AM A HOMESCHOOLER! I am a single parent homeschooler who is educating and supporting her sons in a way that makes sense for her family. In other words...the conference helped restore my confidence, and re-doubled my desire to help other homeschoolers, particularly homeschoolers who are educating boys.

So I've started two new projects. One is a Facebook page, Homeschooling Boys. Come join us to discuss the joys and challenges of homeschooling boys. We'll also share helpful tips and tricks. (Today, I posted a video about helping boys learn to write.)

I've also started Tweeting from #HSingBoys. If you're on Twitter, follow me. I'll be tweeting and retweeting info that will help you educate you sons. I'll also be Tweeting my upcoming conference appearances. (Next up: The Wisconsin Parents Association conference in May.)

Come join me! I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Ways to Help Boys Learn

Did the Josh Powell case throw anyone else for a psychological loop? Powell, as you probably know, is the man who torched his house when his two sons arrived for what was to be a supervised visit. I'll be writing more about the case, and why it struck me, next month. In the meantime, I'd like to point you to a couple other posts I have floating around the Web:

Finding Friends (for you and the kids!)

Teaching Writing in Your Homeschool

The Case for Play

10 Essential Supplies for Homeschooling Boys

Obstacles to Play

Happy February! Initially, my plan was to begin a discussion of boys, nutrition and healthy eating today. I've got some great guest posts on the topic lined up for the month of February, as well as a few thoughts of my own. But I just can't seem to let the topic Play go just yet...

Yesterday, a good friend of mine, a teacher at a local parochial school, announced via Facebook that her school was hosting a Pay to Play Day today. The word "play" caught my eye, but the details of the announcement are what stirred my passion. Why? Because Pay to Play Day works like this: kids bring in a non-perishable food item or $1 for the local food pantry, and, in exchange, earn the right to play their HANDHELD VIDEO GAMES for half an hour!

I get it; I really do. It's a lot easier for the teachers to supervise kids who are quietly absorbed in video games. It's even possible to lead a class while a couple kids opt out to play MarioKart. But seriously? Our kids need more time to play sedentary video games?? What about the kids who would rather go outside and play? Can kids buy their way out for some extra time on the playground? The answer is no. (And what of the larger lesson here for kids, the "play" somehow equals "digital entertainment?" Don't too many of our kids already buy into that notion?)

Meanwhile, I got an email from a dear homeschooling friend who lives in another state. It was nearly 70 degrees where she lives earlier this week. Her kids, who were outside playing, attracted the attention of a local newspaper photographer. He spent an hour, she said, snapping photos of the kids playing. The photos were meant, I'm sure, to illustrate the wonderful, spring-like weather. But the reality behind the photog's stop was that her homeschooled kids were among the only kids outside on such a fine day. The photographer didn't select her kids because they were particularly photogenic, amazing or important, but because they were outside, playing. And that, in and of itself, is a rarity these days.

Is it any wonder that we have kids who are disconnected from nature? Any wonder we have obese kids who would rather sit on the couch and play video games than run around the neighborhood? It's because we have essentially locked these kids inside secure, so-called "nurturing" environments their entire lives. A child who spends the first four years or so of his life in a childcare center, with very little time spent in active play, and then the next 12 years in school, where he's lucky to get recess even once a day through the age of 10, is not a kid who is going to organize a spontaneous, active pretend game on the playground or in the woods with his friends when given the chance. When given the chance -- finally! -- he will wander around aimlessly, claim to be bored, and ask to go home, because he will not have learned how to play independently and actively in the outdoors. He will have learned the lessons we have taught him very well: He will have learned that it's better to stay indoors, to stay sedentary, to do only what others tell him to do. And somehow we blame "kids these days?" It's time, instead, to look squarely at the obstacles that adults place in between kids and play and kids and learning.

BTW...the petition that my boys and their friend started in an attempt to get more outside recesses? It didn't go well. Within a day, they were called to the office, where the principal explained that the decision to stay in is based on concerns for student safety.

P.S. I'm blogging over at The Homeschool Classroom too. Come see my post, "10 Essential Supplies for Homeschooling Boys."

Homeschooling Boys

Do you homeschool your boys? If so, I'd love to hear about some of your favorite books, games, resources and activities.

Leave me a comment with some of your favs. I'll do a round-up post of your favorite resources. (And if you have a lot of say, feel free to drop me an email at jennifer@jenniferlwfink.com)

How's School Doing?

We're almost one month into the official school year. How is school going for your son?

Whether you homeschool or send your kids to a public or private school, it's a good idea to periodically take stock and see what's working -- and what's not -- regarding your sons' education. Some things to look at:

• Your sons' mood: How are your sons after school or lessons? All in all, are they content and energized? Or are they spent and depleted? Overall, are they expressing positive emotions toward school and learning, or has their outlook toward class and/or learning become increasingly negative?
• Your sons' curiosity: How curious is your son about the world? Does he remain interested in a few special subjects? (Some boys love robots; mine happen to love fishing, sports and RC cars.) Or is he becoming apathetic? A lack of interest in things -- especially things he once loved -- can signal trouble.
• Your mood: How are you doing? Are you getting enough sleep? Do you feel generally content and satisfied with your current educational arrangement, or do you frequently feel frustrated, overwhelmed or powerless? Your feelings matter too.
• Family flow: Is your educational choice working for your family? By now, your family should have settled into some kind of school routine. Is it working for you? Or do you constantly feel like you're engaged in an uphill battle?
• Engagement in learning: Don't get overly excited (or concerned) about what your sons have (or have not) learned so far this year. Instead, check his engagement. Whatever your doing, does your son seem interested and engaged in the learning process? Or is he pulling further and further away from lessons and learning?

If you notice problems in any of these areas, it might be time to make some changes. Does your son need additional help at school? Perhaps the homeschooling curriculum that looked so good on paper isn't working out so well in real life. Maybe it's time to ditch it and try something else.

Be alert for emotional challenges at school as well. There's been a lot of attention to bullying lately, but sadly, it remains a problem and reality for many kids. No child will remain enthusiastic about a learning environment that damages his soul. If bullying is a problem for your son, step in -- now. You can find some great tips from the Mayo Clinic here.

This year, we made some major educational changes. Boys #2-4 are now enrolled in our local public school full-time. That's a big change for a family that's practiced relaxed homeschooling for the past 6-and-a-half years! But you know what? It's working so far.

Boy #4, age 5, comes home from kindergarten each day bubbling with information and activity. When I pick him up at school, he calls out "good-bye!" to about a dozen kids. Every day, he's eager to show me what he's learned.

Boys #2 and 3 are at our local middle school. Like many kids, their favorite subjects include Gym and Recess. Almost daily, they'll talk about their exploits on the playground. And while there have been some playground challenges -- Boy #3 doesn't like the fact that the kids tend to bicker more than they actually play -- neither child is bothered enough to step away from the activity. Both have made friends; nearly every day, at least one friend from school comes over to play. Both boys also remain surprisingly enthusiastic about reading. They need to read a certain number of minutes each day -- but the best part is that both seem to thoroughly enjoy the books they read.

Boy #1 continues to be homeschooled, but blends his home education with two formal classes at school (Integrated Language Arts and Science), vocal lessons, show choir, acting and fishing. He also writes for an outdoors website, hookandbullet.com. He, too, seems generally content with his educational arrangement.

And I now have some time to breathe. While I will forever value our years of homeschooling, homeschooling on my own over the past two years was HARD. The hard part: trying to find enough time for my kids while also earning a family supporting income. I did it, but my own health and well-being suffered. (See Bullet Point #3) It was time for a change. And while I'll continue to monitor my sons' learning and education, for now, our unconventional choice seems the best choice for us.

How are things in your home? Is your educational choice working out, or is it time to make some changes?

Characteristics of Homeschooling Families

Have I mentioned the fact that I'm blogging for The Homeschool Classroom this year?

My first post, 7 Characteristics of Homeschooling Families, went live yesterday. Check it out and let me know what you think.

The Best School For Your Boy

If school choice is fluid -- and no one educational choice is "the best" -- how exactly do you go about finding the best school for your son?

That's really the million dollar question, isn't it?

We've talked previously about the fact that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the education question. And we've covered the fact that what works for your son today (homeschooling, public school, etc.) may not work next year. We've also talked extensively about the fact that boys tend to learn differently than girls.

Now author Peg Tyre, perhaps best known for her book The Trouble With Boys, provides parents with some basic guidelines to use when evaluating educational options. In her latest book, The Good School, Tyre says that parents should look at the relationship between teacher and students, the general intellectual environment (does it include plenty of words? everyday references to mathematical concepts?) and school playgrounds.

In an interview with TIME magazine,Tyre advises parents to avoid schools without playgronds. She says, "kids need downtime — a break from the rigor" and recommends twenty minutes of recess a day, "at least."

Tyre also says that test scores have been over-emphasized in the past. (The TIME magazine article says, "Standardized tests only measure about a third of the curriculum that should be being taught in the school, which means if the school is only teaching the test material, your child is missing out on a lot.")

Instead of focusing on a school's standardized test scores, look at what's really going on in the classroom. Are the students connecting with the teacher? Excited about learning? Involved in their education? If so, odds are good that there's a lot of learning happening in the classroom.

Tyre also suggest looking past labels. A private school may not be better than a public school, and a charter school is not necessarily better (or worse) than any other school.

Bottom line:

• Know your son. Is your son a hands-on learner? Does he require lots of quiet time to absorb a concept, or does he do best in an active setting? Knowing your son's likes, dislikes and learning style can help you select an academic environment that fits his needs.
  


• Let go of your preconceived notions. You might have grown up believing that private school is the way to go, but that doesn't mean that the private school in your neighborhood will be the best fit for your son or your family. Open your mind and expand your options.
  


• Insist on activity. Boys (and girls) absolutely, positively must move around during the day. They also need time for free play.
  


• Words matter. One of the biggest determinants of academic success is the size of a child's vocabularly on entrance to kindergarten. So don't be afraid to use big words at home -- and don't shy away from schools or teacher who introduce complex subjects to small kids (in an age-appropriate manner, of course).
  


• Relationships matter! Tyre's #1 tip (in the TIME article) is that the relationship between teacher and student is prime, especially in preschool. You know what that means? If you're considering homeschooling your child, but hesitate because you feel unqualified, consider taking the leap. In the early years, the relationship between teacher and student is paramount -- and what could be closer than the relationship between parent and child? (If, however, homeschooling is putting a strain on your relationship, it might be time to investigate other educational alternatives.)
  


• Think about your needs. For a lot of years, I neglected my needs in favor of what I considered best for my boys. I'm learning to see, though, that a stressed-out, stretched-to-the-limit homeschooling mom may not be in my boys' best interests. I need to sleep, rest and work, and that's OK. So don't feel obligated to drive an hour across town to the "best" school. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for your family.

Education -- and the Best Choice for YOUR Family

I admire Meagan Francis. She's a mom of five kids, a writer, an author, a blogger and an all-around happy person. Her latest book (and blog), The Happiest Mom, is designed to help moms enjoy life and motherhood. As Meagan says," Happy. Mother. You really can use both words in the same sentence."

Her latest blog post, though, hit me in a way that few posts ever do. In "School Choices and the Ideal Mother," Meagan details her struggles to find the "perfect education" for her children, and gives moms everywhere the right to make the decision that best suits their family.

From the responses she's been receiving, it seems that a lot of parents need to hear that message.

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you may know that I'm a big proponent of homeschooling. But that doesn't mean that I think institutional education is evil. I think that each family needs to make the choices that best fit the needs of that family. Note that I said "family," and not "children." One of Meagan's major points is that the health and needs of the parents need to be considered also.

That can be a radical message for some parents. It's really, really easy to lose sightof your needs in your quest to satify your children's. But it's not only OK to consider your needs; it's absolutely essential.

And here's the other thing: The "right" educational choice can evolve over time as a family's needs change. Educating your family isn't a matter of choosing homeschooling over institutional schooling or private school vs. public school. No matter how carefully you make your decision, it's entirely likely that your child -- and your family -- will experience a variety of educational settings before the children take their place in the adult world.

In other words: It's OK to homeschool now. And to enroll your kid in school in a few years if that's what makes sense for you and your family. It's even OK to decide to homeshool him again later for his last year of high school, if that's what works.


Of course, the reverse remains true as well. It's OK to start your child in school, and then pull him out later if school isn't working for some reason. It's also OK to homeschool one kid and enroll the rest in school.

The bottom line is that you (and your spouse or partner, if you have one) are the only person who can decide at any given point in time what educational option is "best" for your family. My opinion doesn't matter. (Although I'm more than happy to provide information and resources!) Meagan's opinion doesn't matter. Neither does your mother-in-law's or the school prinicpal's or your local politician's.

So as this school year approaches, I enourage you to think long and hard about the educational choices available to your family. Then take a moment, if you will, to express some silent gratitude for those choices.

Finally, relieve the pressure. Let go of any lingering guilt. The educational choices you make this year -- this week, or next, or even next month -- are not permanent. You make a choice, you live with it, you see how it goes. It if works, great! If not, make another choice -- but don't beat yourself up for Choice #1. The best any of us can do is to respond to situations as they arise.

What educational choices are you making this year? Any changes from years past?

What Kids Need to Learn

On March 30, in response to a Boston Globe article about kids and learning, I wrote, "What kids need to learn is 1. Time, 2. Space, 3. Access to Materials and 4. Support. They also need Freedom to Explore." I dubbed this the "time-space-access-support-freedom framework for learning."

I wrote that blog post based entirely on my own experiences and observations. I have seen, time and again, how my own children (and others) learn amazing things when left to their own devices in an enriching environment -- especially when there's an adult nearby to build on their interest and enthusiasm.

Flash forward to today. I'm in the midst of researching an article about scientific thinking in young children when these sentences catch my eye:

An environment that fosters scientific thiking is one that gives young children the time, space, and materials to exercise their curiosity. It also gives them the freedom to engage in child-centered explorations, experimentations, and explanations.

Those sentences, authored by Ruth Wilson, PhD, are part of a larger article entitled, "Promoting the Development of Scientific Thinking." They also echo my earlier sentiments exactly.

So...

Let your son splash in the tub. Toss in some old plastic containers as well.

Catch bugs with him. Talk about what they eat and where they live.

Let him play in the dirt. He'll find rocks and worms and bugs and a million other things to ponder.

Tolerate experimentation in the kitchen. My boys have mixed together some pretty nasty concotions, but learned a ton in the process.

Buy balloons. And magnets. Magnifying glasses too. Let your sons play with them.

Stop cringing when your son brings home critters. Let him observe and care for his catches briefly (if possible). Then help him figure out an appropriate habitat for said critters.

Encourage collections. I know -- you probably have too many rocks in the house already. But young boys learn by observing, comparing and classifying.

What are some of your favorite ways to encourage learning?

Keeping Boys Busy

Are your boys driving you crazy yet? (More than the usual crazy, I mean.)

Summer is a challenging time for many parents, especially working parents who are used to sending their kids to school all day. Homeschool parents, in general, are used to having their kids around, but they too face a new set of challenges in the summer. Institutionally-schooled kids, for instance, are around -- which may or may not be a good thing, depending on your neighborhood.

As a homeschooling, single mom, I'm well aware of the challenges on both sides of the spectrum. I completely, 100% get the desire to sign your kid up for every single available activity, just so he'll be out of the house. I need time to work, and it's hard to work with kids underfoot. But I also know that signing the boys up for activities they hate won't help their development one bit. So I refuse to sign the boys up for summer school "just because," even though it's a childcare steal. ($20 for four weeks of five-day a week, 8-12 education/babysitting.)

That said, it's hard to keep the boys busy. I'm not anti-TV or computer, but I don't want to the kids sitting in front of a screen eight hours a day. So what do we do for fun?

I need activites that 1) keep the boys engaged for hours and 2) take up little of my time. With those criteria in mind, I created this Keep Your Kids Occupied in the Summer article for healthline.com. My five top keep-'em-busy ideas are:

1. Birdwatching. While none of my kids are avid bird watchers, this idea was inspired by Boy #2's previous passion for butterflies. That kid spent two whole summers catching and categorizing butterflies, and the rest of us thoroughly enjoyed his hobby as well.


2. Gardening. My boys have been gardening with their dad for years. My oldest, age 13, has been selling produce at our local farmers' market for about that long. This year, for the first time, I planted a a garden behind my house with my five-year-old. It's not much, but he sure has fun watching our plants grow!


3. Building. Some parents are understandably leery about letting their boys work with tools, but few things occupy my boys' hands and minds as well as a building project. Boy #4, age 5, recently built his very own boat! (I'll post a picture later.)


4. Messy Art Party. This idea -- which involves a fair amount of parental prep -- is great way to get boys interested in the arts. What better way to introduce art and artists than to let your boys get dirty?


5. Bowling. Have you signed up for Kids Bowl Free yet? If not, do! It's not entirely free (you still need to spring for bowling shoes), but it's a great option for rainy days. We've already gone once this summer.

What about you? What are some your favorite keep-'em-busy activities?

Teaching Boys to Write

I've had some computer issues lately. (If three out of four computer crashing at approximately the same time counts as "some computer issues.") Needless to say, I've been away from the blog, because it's pretty hard to blog while facing the blue screen of death!

But I'm back now, and determined to make this blog better than ever. One thing I'll be adding: more video content. So on that note, let me introduce my first video clip, an excerpt of my 2011 Homeschooling Boys presentation at the Wisconsin Parents Association Conference.

Parenting in Public

My parenting convictions were put to the test a few weeks ago.

The boys and I had traveled to the Wisconsin Parents Association conference, an annual event that that refreshes, recharges and re-energizes me. I'd agreed to present three sessions at the conference: Homeschooling Boys, Let's Make Paper Airplanes and Boundless Energy: Dealing with Boy Energy. The first two were sessions I'd done before. Boundless Energy was a new one for me, created as a direct response to comments and questions from participants who attended my Homeschooling Boys session last year.

How, they wondered, does one productively co-exist with a boy (or boys) who seem to have a constant need for movement?

So this year, we talked. We agreed that boys' desire and drive for movement is not a bad thing, and that part of our job, as parents, is helping them find outlets for their energy. Our room was a testament to our beliefs: As I led the discussion, my 5-yr-old son practiced handstands at the side of the room with another boy. No one minded. We understood that the boys need to move, that they relate and build relationships through physical interactions.

But what about other, less-friendly circumstances? While we all felt quite comfortable letting our boys be boys in the safe confines of our classroom, a number of the moms expressed frustration with pre-existing playgroups back home, playgroups where their sons are judged for wanting to play lightsabers over tea party.

The experienced moms in the room talked about the need to "find your tribe," to find a network of friends and families who understand boys' predilection to play fighting and physical activity. But the deep down question remained: How do you, as a parent, balance your sons' needs for physical activity with societal expectations? How do you handle mealtimes? Social outings? It's one thing to tolerate jumping off the couch at home; it's another thing to let your sons run rampant at the public museum.

I shared my personal reality. At home, my boys rarely sit through a meal. My 10-yr-old is prone to eating on his feet; he's still my Most Likely to Fall Off a Chair for No Apparent Reason. My 8-yr-old constantly rocks his chair and all of my boys are more than happy to leap up from the table to peer out the window. And often, I let it go. I reinforce proper behavior, but I know that expecting my four boys, ages 5 to 13, to eat every meal while seated properly is a bit beyond their current capabilities. So I tolerate a certain amount of physical movement during a meal. I know that my sons are quite capable of adapting their behavior to the situation (even at this age, they understand the difference between lunch at home and Christmas dinner at Grandma's), and that their behavior will change as they grow.

But at lunch that day, in the cafeteria, my convictions were tested. Boy #4, age 5, finished eating long before the rest of us. He started turning circles 'round the column next to our table. I had a choice: I could deny his natural need for movement and shame him into his seat. Or I could tolerate his non-intrusive behavior.

I chose Choice #2, acutely aware that my actual parenting would speak far more than any words I spoke in the classroom. At the same time, I was acutely aware of fear that plagues so many boy-parents: the fear that we will be judged as inadequate or ineffective parents for letting our sons be boys.

So talk. Discuss. How do you handle parenting in public? Are you fearful of judgement? Does that fear affect your parenting?

Star Wars Day

Today is Star Wars Day. Don't get it? Say the date. Out loud. With a "the" between "May" and "4th". Add a "be with you on the end."

My boys, like many others, are Star Wars buffs. (In fact, my very first blog post was about light sabers.) We learned about the holiday by accident last year -- and celebrated by taking the kids to the park so they could have an epic light saber battle with other homeschooled kids. To the untrained eye, our children might have looked like a bunch of Star Wars crazed kids running amok through the woods in the middle of a school day. But our kids were learning, really and truly learning.

They were learning cooperation and leadership. Their imaginations were completely engaged. On the spot, they were crafting an enormously complex storyline, complete with characters and plot twists. They were also definitely getting their fill of physical activity. Running through the woods, swinging a light saber, is hard work!

If your son is a Star Wars fanatic, consider sprinkling some Star Wars themed learning into his day today. I posted a couple ideas on Twitter today. (Find me @jlwf) You can also:

• Head to the library and check out Star Wars books. There is something for every age and interest, from Easy Readers to chapter books. You can also find books about the weaponry, spaceships, special effects, etc.
• Watch the movies. Start with Epidsode 1: The Phantom Menace, or Episode 4: A New Hope, the original 1977 movie that will forever remain "the first Star Wars movie" in my head. The order doesn't matter. Spending time with your kids, digging into their passion, is what matters.
• Discuss/write about the systems of government in Star Wars. The Federation, the Senate...there's a lot of Social Studies and politics in Star Wars. Compare and contrast the various systems of government in the the Stars Wars universe with those in your own backyard.
• Study the science. Cloning is big in Star Wars. (Clone troopers, anyone?) Dig into the science behind the science-fiction. Talk to your kids about Dolly, the cloned sheep. (Watch a fun video here.) Ask their opinions about the ethics involved.
• Draw/paint scenes from the movie. One of the best things about Star Wars is that it's boy AND girl friendly. Boys typically prefer to draw action; they love weapons and spacecraft. Girls may prefer to focus on characters or costumes. (Remember, these are just generalizations. Some boys prefer costumes and some girls are all about the light sabers.)
• Let Yoda teach grammar. Yoda, Luke's tiny yet powerful Jedi Master, can teach your kids a thing or two about the English language. Think not, do you? Check out this Analysis of Yodish.
  

Do you have any other fun, Star Wars-related learning ideas? I'd love to hear them! What are you doing for Star Wars Day?

Boy Energy

I'll be speaking at the Wisconsin Parents Association conference in Oshkosh this weekend, reprising last year's Homeschooling Boys session. I'll also be presenting a new session, Boundless Energy: Understanding (and Respecting) Boys' Need for Movement.

Boys, as you well know, are built for action. Staying still is not their strong suit; jumping off couches is more their speed. But that nearly constant craving for activity can wear out even the most tolerant mom. My boys get away with a lot of stuff (see picture), but at some point, even I want to turn around and yell, "Stop!"

How do you cope with your sons' energy? Do you have any tips to help boys settle down and complete their assigned school work? Or do you eschew sit-down school work all together and plan innovative, active lessons? How do YOU help your boys learn? I'd love to share your comments, thoughts and ideas at my session this weekend.