PSA: Salt and Ice Challenge

Normally, I'm all about home-grown science experiments. My kids have whipped up all kinds of concoctions in the kitchen, and we've blown up more than our fair share of baking soda volcanoes.

But the latest, "greatest" DIY kitchen science experiment -- the salt and ice challenge -- is actually dangerous.

I'd never heard of the salt and ice challenge until today. More specifically, until today's headline news article, which features a large photo of a cross burned into a 12-year-old boy's back.

It seems the boy, his brother and a friend were attempting the challenge, which is making the rounds on YouTube. I hadn't heard about that either, so I clicked over the YouTube. And sure enough -- there are plenty of videos showing kids undertaking the challenge.

Normally, I wouldn't post videos that explicitly show how to do something harmful. But in this case, I think it's important to watch the videos.One, because I want you to know what your kids may be watching. And two, because I think these videos may have something important to tell us about boys today.


Did you notice that both videos feature boys? And not just one boy, but two. In both videos, there's a very strong undercurrent of competition. Each of the boys is trying to outlast the other. And all of them, I'm convinced, leave the ice/salt combination on their body a lot longer than they normally would, simply because they're trying to impress/outlast the other boy. In the top video, the younger boy claims victory because he didn't wash off his arm; he states this fact as a badge of virtual bravery and honor. In the lower video, the boy with the hat removes his ice cube when the pain becomes too intense -- but replaces it when it sees that his friend still has the ice in place in his arm.

Bottom line (which has been true throughout the ages): Boys will do some pretty dumb stuff to impress other boys. Together, they will take risks that they'd never take independently.

Other bottom line: Like it not, YouTube is a powerful presence in the lives of our boys' lives. They may claim to hate Justin Bieber, but they all know that he became famous after uploading videos to YouTube. They know who Ray William Johnson is, and most know who Smosh is too. As far as our boys are concerned, uploading videos of yourself doing dumb stuff is a good way to get famous.


I don't have any words of wisdom here, just words of caution. I'm an involved parent, our computer is in a central location and all in all, I monitor what they watch online. (And yes, it includes Ray Williams Johnson and Smosh.) I talk to my boys regularly about health and safety, and real bravery vs. bravado. But I could still see them falling for the salt-and-ice challenge. I could still see them heading to the kitchen to try it out -- because, really, how bad can it be? I can see them thinking, Salt? Ice? Those are just common household ingredients! I'd hope that they'd drop the ice before they caused serious damage, but if other boys are around, who knows?

What do you think? Would your boys fall for the salt-and-ice challenge?

Best of the Blogs

This Friday, we're going to revive an old, occasional feature: Best of the Blogs. From here on out, my Friday posts will be a round up of some of the best stuff on the 'Net.

Today's Best of the Blogs:

Sexism and The Early Learning Centre. A Facebook friend pointed me to this post after she read my recent post, "Helping Boys in a Sex-Soaked Society." In my post, I mention the insidious nature of mass media images, and how they worm their way into our sons' brains and affect their self-image, beliefs and preferences. This blog post shows you how that happens. It's kind of long, but definitely worth a scroll-through. The author includes lots of images from a common catalog, and let me tell you: the pictures make her point.

Nurturing or Ambition: Do Moms Have to Choose? I love Meagan Francis, aka The Happiest Mom. Her latest blog post is a common sense look at the internal struggle many moms feel -- the kind of struggle that fuels the Mommy Wars, if you ask me. As far as Meagan is concerned, there's not need to choose. Moms, she says, can be nurturing and ambitious all at the same time. Amen, sister!

Experiment That Lets Kids Get Messy: Learning About Catalysts.  How could I not love the title of this post? As you know, I'm all about hands-on education, and as far as my boys are concerned, the messier the better! This post, by fellow Blogathoner Danielle promised a science experiment that is "a big step up from the old  baking soda and vinegar trick." AND it makes something called Elephant's Toothpaste!

Are Men Attracted to What They Think Other Men Approve Of? Ok, this article by Hugo Schwyzer may not technically be a blog post. But it does include a mention of my blog, and I think that's pretty cool!

What do you see on the 'Net this week that struck you as fun, interesting or worthwhile? Share a link in the comments!

What Kids Need to Learn

On March 30, in response to a Boston Globe article about kids and learning, I wrote, "What kids need to learn is 1. Time, 2. Space, 3. Access to Materials and 4. Support. They also need Freedom to Explore." I dubbed this the "time-space-access-support-freedom framework for learning."

I wrote that blog post based entirely on my own experiences and observations. I have seen, time and again, how my own children (and others) learn amazing things when left to their own devices in an enriching environment -- especially when there's an adult nearby to build on their interest and enthusiasm.

Flash forward to today. I'm in the midst of researching an article about scientific thinking in young children when these sentences catch my eye:

An environment that fosters scientific thiking is one that gives young children the time, space, and materials to exercise their curiosity. It also gives them the freedom to engage in child-centered explorations, experimentations, and explanations.

Those sentences, authored by Ruth Wilson, PhD, are part of a larger article entitled, "Promoting the Development of Scientific Thinking." They also echo my earlier sentiments exactly.

So...

Let your son splash in the tub. Toss in some old plastic containers as well.

Catch bugs with him. Talk about what they eat and where they live.

Let him play in the dirt. He'll find rocks and worms and bugs and a million other things to ponder.

Tolerate experimentation in the kitchen. My boys have mixed together some pretty nasty concotions, but learned a ton in the process.

Buy balloons. And magnets. Magnifying glasses too. Let your sons play with them.

Stop cringing when your son brings home critters. Let him observe and care for his catches briefly (if possible). Then help him figure out an appropriate habitat for said critters.

Encourage collections. I know -- you probably have too many rocks in the house already. But young boys learn by observing, comparing and classifying.

What are some of your favorite ways to encourage learning?

Star Wars Day

Today is Star Wars Day. Don't get it? Say the date. Out loud. With a "the" between "May" and "4th". Add a "be with you on the end."

My boys, like many others, are Star Wars buffs. (In fact, my very first blog post was about light sabers.) We learned about the holiday by accident last year -- and celebrated by taking the kids to the park so they could have an epic light saber battle with other homeschooled kids. To the untrained eye, our children might have looked like a bunch of Star Wars crazed kids running amok through the woods in the middle of a school day. But our kids were learning, really and truly learning.

They were learning cooperation and leadership. Their imaginations were completely engaged. On the spot, they were crafting an enormously complex storyline, complete with characters and plot twists. They were also definitely getting their fill of physical activity. Running through the woods, swinging a light saber, is hard work!

If your son is a Star Wars fanatic, consider sprinkling some Star Wars themed learning into his day today. I posted a couple ideas on Twitter today. (Find me @jlwf) You can also:

• Head to the library and check out Star Wars books. There is something for every age and interest, from Easy Readers to chapter books. You can also find books about the weaponry, spaceships, special effects, etc.
• Watch the movies. Start with Epidsode 1: The Phantom Menace, or Episode 4: A New Hope, the original 1977 movie that will forever remain "the first Star Wars movie" in my head. The order doesn't matter. Spending time with your kids, digging into their passion, is what matters.
• Discuss/write about the systems of government in Star Wars. The Federation, the Senate...there's a lot of Social Studies and politics in Star Wars. Compare and contrast the various systems of government in the the Stars Wars universe with those in your own backyard.
• Study the science. Cloning is big in Star Wars. (Clone troopers, anyone?) Dig into the science behind the science-fiction. Talk to your kids about Dolly, the cloned sheep. (Watch a fun video here.) Ask their opinions about the ethics involved.
• Draw/paint scenes from the movie. One of the best things about Star Wars is that it's boy AND girl friendly. Boys typically prefer to draw action; they love weapons and spacecraft. Girls may prefer to focus on characters or costumes. (Remember, these are just generalizations. Some boys prefer costumes and some girls are all about the light sabers.)
• Let Yoda teach grammar. Yoda, Luke's tiny yet powerful Jedi Master, can teach your kids a thing or two about the English language. Think not, do you? Check out this Analysis of Yodish.
  

Do you have any other fun, Star Wars-related learning ideas? I'd love to hear them! What are you doing for Star Wars Day?

Teen Boys Eat A Lot

That's the conclusion of a new scientific study. I know, right? Tell us something we don' t know!

But the study, published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, could be reassurance for parents and teen boys in this day and age of eating disorders. While we tend to associate eating disorders, dieting and poor body image with girls, boys are affected too. Just today, another mom told me that her 7-year-old son recently asked if he was fat. (He's not.) And my 12-year-old son, a growing boy if ever there was one, frequently expresses concern about the weight he's gaining. He's gotten the societal message that weight gain is bad -- at 12-years-old.

Teenage boys, though, need to eat. According to the study, prepubescent boys average nearly 1300 lunchtime calories, compared to girls' 900 calories. Boys in their mid-teens typically consume around 2000 calories at lunch. While that might sound like a lot (particularly to our weight-obsessed brains), boys need those calories to fuel their tremendous growth.

If you son starts obsessing about his weight, obsessively counting calories or exercising in the extreme, pay attention. As Adelaide Robb, an associate professor of psychiatry, said in a 2007 Washington Post article, "A teenage boy shouldn't be eating what his 110-pound, dieting mother would eat. It's normal for a half-gallon of milk and a loaf of bread to disapper every 48 hours if there's a teenage boy in the house."

Who Needs Textbooks?

This is the box of crackers I bought for my boys, for no other reason than A) they love them and B) the crackers were on sale. (If I'm honest, I'll have to tell you that Reason B trumped Reason A. Reason A is true all the time, but the only time the Cheez-Its show up at home is when Reason B is also true!).

Turns out it was the best $2.50 I spent all week.

A couple weeks ago, a sensationalistic headline lamented the lack of appropriate, non-biased textbooks for homeschoolers, a headline and story that fed the fears of every American who ever wondered how in the world homeschooled children learn anything, surrounded as they are by questionable parents and questionable materials. At the time, I and many other homeschoolers argued that there are plenty of resources available, including secular texts, the public library, community classes and more. I forgot to mention Cheez-It boxes.

Never in a million years would I have planned a unit study around Cheez-Its. Never in a million years would I plan a lesson with a Cheez-It box as the text. But that's exactly what happened.

I was eating breakfast with my youngest two boys when Boy #3 began reading words off the box. He recognized the word "it" and "win." We talked about how "win" can become "wind" with the addition of just one letter. (At that point, we were using the magnetic letters on the fridge behind us to enhance our impromptu lesson.)

Boy #4, meanwhile, became very intrigued with the big, bold letters. At 4, he's just beginning to recognize certain letters. He pointed to each one, asked what it was and traced the letters with his chubby, not-quite-baby fingers.

By then, Boy #3 had moved onto the side panel, the nutrition information. What's s-o-d-i-u-m, he asked? Sodium, I answered -- salt. He read the nutrition information, the percents posted on the side, and we talked about why your body needs sodium (salt) and why too much (of anything) can be a bad thing. We talked about calories as a source of energy. We talked about vitamins. And we had a lengthy discussion about the food pyramid.

For almost 20 minutes, over a casual breakfast with my boys, we studied phonics, language arts and science in a completely natural, unhurried manner. My boys were asking for information; they were ready to learn. I answered their questions, before I even realized what I was doing. The Cheez-It box, that lowly orange-and-red cardboard casing, had become our text.

Non-homeschoolers often wonder how homeschooled children can learn anything outside a structured classroom. Veteran homeshoolers often shake their heads at such queries. To us, the answer is obvious. Children learn all the time, whether you want them to or not. Children ask questions, adults answer and learning occurs. Children express an interest, adults help them find resources and learning occurs. Mom buys a box of Cheez-Its, children ask questions and learning occurs.

Sometimes, it really is as simple as that.

What non-traditional material has become a "text" at your house?

Homeschooling and Evolution

The headline was enough to make me cringe: "Top home-school texts dismiss Darwin, evolution."

The accompanying graphic, a line graph showing the growth of homeschooling over the last 20 years, is enough to incite yet another wave of anti-homeschooling sentiment -- because really, who wouldn't be against homeschooling if homeschooling means that over 1.5 million kids are being spoon-fed questionable science?

That, of course, is exactly what the article implies, thanks largely to an extremely short-sighted, ill-advised comment from Ian Slatter, a spokesman for the Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA). "The majority of home-schoolers self-identify as evangelical Christians," said Slatter. "Most home-schoolers will definitely have a sort of creationist component to their home-school program."

Oh. Good. Gravy. For a group that claims to support homeschooling, such a comment -- which will clearly turn off at least half of the general public -- is pure idiocy. Are they trying to convince the American public that homeschoolers are nuts?

Note: I am not anti-evangelical Christian. I support parents' rights to teach and instill religious values. But this Slatter guy has gone way too far.

What he doesn't tell you is that a lot of parents homeschool because they want their children to have a broader world view. I don't homeschool because I want to protect my children from evolution; I homeschool because I want them to question everything. I want to expose them to things they might not learn for years yet, if they were confined to a certain grade level in a certain school. I want them to have the freedom to think deeply, to make connections, to ask questions. I want to teach them how to analyze information, how to consider the source and how to come to a conclusion based on established facts. I don't want them to believe in evolution because someone tells them it's so, and I don't want them to believe in creationism because someone tells them it's true. I want them to understand the arguments and "facts" on both sides, and I want them to reach their own, reasoned conclusions. Because whether you believe in evolution or not -- whether you believe in creationism or not -- you darn well better understand the issues on both sides, because none of us lives in a world with one, accepted world view.

Except maybe the Home School Legal Defense Assocation, which has a long history of promoting evangelical Christian concerns at the expense of the broader homeschooling community.

I will tell you this: The HSLDA does not speak for me. And while the article would have you believe that homeschool parents are stymied, stuck in a system in which the only available textbooks are anti-evolution rants, the article overlooks the simple fact that many (most!) homeschoolers are extremely resourceful people. We haunt the library, checking out scientific books (even -- gasp!-- The Origin of the Species) and movies. We visit science museums and consult with friends, neighbors and associates who work in scientific fields. We read newspapers -- and let our children read along. We surf the 'Net. We watch the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. We attend scientific lectures and sign our children up for hands-on, experimental science classes. We experiment and play. We arrange mentorships for our older children and enroll them in community college when they want a more formal educational experience. We are NOT restricted to a couple of questionable texts, just because they're the top-selling homeschool texts.

Call us the silent majority. We focus on our families while the Associated Press and HSLDA incite homeschooling hysteria.

In The Flow

I said the words "historical disaster" -- and my kitchen erupted into a frenzy of baking soda and vinegar, clay and cardboard.

Our homeschool group is hosting a Historical Disaster Fair on some yet-to-be-determined date. (Cool idea, eh? I got it here.) Today, I figured, was as good a day as any to tell the boys.

Somewhat surprisingly, they were ALL excited. (I think the word "disaster" had something to do with it.) Within minutes, they had selected their topics: a volcanic eruption for Boy #2 (think Pompeii), an asteroid impact for Boy #3 and either Hiroshima or Gettysburg for Boy #1.

Pleased with our little conversation, I headed to the basement to start a load of laundry. I returned a few minutes later to find a cookie sheet covered in vinegar and cardboard boxes in various states of deconstruction.

The boys were in the zone. Boy #3 sketched his plans for an asteroid impact model while Boy #2 experimented with different "volcanoes." (He ultimately settled on a water bottle, lid off.) Boy #4 watched with glee while Boy #2 tested various concentrations of baking soda and vinegar. #3 sliced shapes out of extra cardboard boxes and colored them, just right -- 2 shades of blue for the ocean and a blank, deforested area on planet Earth. Boys #1 and 2 cleaned out an old fish tank/new home for a volcano. #2 microwaved modeling clay to soften it, then crafted a volcano-shaped shell around his water bottle. He also made a building out of a small cardboard box.

My kitchen was a mess, but the energy in that room was inspiring! This was not learning for learning's sake; this was creation. These were boys who were applying knowledge, boys who were free to pursue a project in whatever way felt best for them. There were no rules -- "each project must contain a timeline" or "all reports must be double-spaced" -- to interfere with their visions. No bells sounded, artificially ending the energy. The boys worked and worked and worked -- because they wanted to, not because someone told them they must.

Snapshot Sunday: The Great Egg Drop

Caffeine Affects Boys More Than Girls?

So say the headlines. But when I read the article, I was leery.

Concerned about the growing epidemic of soft drink consumption among American teens, researchers at the University of Buffalo conducted a study to assess boys' and girls' response to caffeine. What the researchers found was that boys were would work significantly longer at a computer game to win a caffeinated soda than girls would.

According to a Discovery News story, "Jennifer R. Temple, lead researcher and neurobiologist at University of Buffalo, said she expected caffeinated drinks to work most strongly on those in the study who routinely consumed the most caffeine, regardless of sex. Instead, the results revealed a relationship between gender and the desire for caffeinated soda.

"We aren't sure (why boys responded more), but we speculate that it could have to do with circulating hormones and their effect on the metabolism of caffeine," Temple said.

Um, maybe because oodles of research and anecodotal evidence suggests that boys are more attracted to video games than girls?

For more info about the study, click here.

So THIS Is Why my Toy Room is Filled with Tonka Trucks!

I started down the Path of Parenthood with few, if any, toys. We got a stuffed Tigger for our oldest son's birth, but that was about it. Twelve years and four boys later, our toy room is a stereotypical boy haven.

In one corner, Tonka trucks and farm toys. In another, wooden blocks and Lincoln logs. Matchbox cars litter the floor and toy guns peek out from the toy box. Random dinosaurs, poker chips and action figures -- not to mention light sabers and train tracks -- complete the look.

I did not intend to have this many boy toys. And, to be fair, my boys have played with some "girly" toys as well. They loved Care Bears. They liked the Winx club. We even have dolls and a plastic babycare center.

Overwhelmingly, though, their toys scream, "male!" Is it because I unconsciously push my boys toward boy toys, or because of their own innate preferences?

A new study suggests that hormones are to blame. Researchers measured testosterone and estrogen levels of three- to four-month-old babies; they also used eye-tracking software to guage the babies' level of interest in a doll vs. a ball. The results indicate that babies with higher testosterone levels prefer the ball.

What do you think? Do you think boys show a natural inclination toward "boy toys?"

Boys and Cell Phones

Does your son have a cell phone? What are his favorite features?

According to a new study, boys are more likely than girls to use their cell phones for purposes other than communication. Boys are more likely to play music, share pictures, check email and play video games on their cellular phones.

The researchers worry, though, that those differences in usage are based less on personal interest -- and more on social conditioning. "Boys are often taught to explore and be more creative with technology and not to be afraid to take things apart. So it leads to more advanced cell phone uses among boys," said study author Sheila Cotten, a sociologist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

I'm not sure she can get all that from one study, but I think she might be right. I'm very hesitant with new technology, in part because I don't understand it. I don't push any more buttons than absolutely necessary for fear I'll "mess something up." The boys' dad, on the other hand, is far more proficient on the computer than I, largely because he has no problem whatsoever exploring technology. Whatever happens, he's confident he can find a way to get back to start.

Is that why he's an engineer and I'm not? The study researchers might think so: ""If [girls] are not as interested in exploring or taking apart technology, they may be less likely to take computer science, science and math courses."

Personally, I think that's a lot of inference, based on a cell phone study. Still, I'd like to hear your experiences. Are your boys more adventurous on the cell phone and computer than your girls? What do you think of the researchers' conclusions?

Compassion

Our oldest cat, Dusty, is dying.

Not in some theoretical, we're-all-going-to-die-someday kind of way, but actively dying. Dusty is currently laying on his side on the bathroom rug, laboring to breathe. Beside him is a nine-year-old boy who brought his pillow and blanket into the bathroom to keep Dusty company, a nine-year-old boy who is stroking Dusty's fur and crooning, "Silent Night."

Dusty was diagnosed with feline leukemia, the cat version of AIDS, a few months ago. At that time, an XRay also revealed what is likely a cancerous tumor in Dusty's chest.

Faced with the reality of limited healthcare dollars and an incurable disease, we decided against aggressive treatment. We brought Dusty home with a prescription for prednisone, which the vet said would ease his symptoms for awhile, and told the kids the uncomfortable truth: that their favorite cat was dying.

At first, Dusty seemed fine. Then, about a month ago, his breathing became labored to the point that I called the kids to say, "I think this is it." The kids came home, cuddled with Dusty -- and the cat lived another few weeks. He survived 'til Thanksgiving. He survived 'til his birthday (the day after Thanksgiving, aka the day we found him in our garage attic). He survived til the birthday of Boy #1. He even made it to St. Nick's. But despite the frequent prayers of Boy #3, I don't think Dusty's going to make it til Christmas.

I realize our choice -- to bring Dusty home, rather than to put him to sleep -- is a controversial one. The boys, though, were dead set against the idea of taking their cat in to be euthanized. And, to be honest, Dusty showed moments of startling improvement. After that phone call a month ago, Dusty revived enough to eat, drink and, slowly, wander the house. So we spent our time catering to the cat. We petted him. We fed him tuna. Boy #1 even took him outside; Dusty never did shed his love of the outside after all the years he spent on his own.

And secretly, I am glad, because I know that someday I will die. Like it or not, death will be part of my boys' life, and like it or not, death, more often than not, is a process. Very few people just keel over. Many more linger for weeks or months or years. My boys are learning, now, how to be there. My boys are learning that love lasts til the end. They're learning the physical process of death too, but most importantly, they're learning how to care.

Watching my nine-year-old sing to the cat, I know it's a lesson they've learned well.

What Do Your Boys Know About Sex?

According to a recent survey, the answer most likely is "not enough."

Researchers from Rand Corp., Virginia Commonwealth University and Children's Hospital Boston surveyed 141 parents and their teens, ages 13 - 17. Sadly, many of teens -- and most of the boys -- had sex before their parents talked to them about STDs, birth control, or how to say no.

It's a topic that hits near and dear to me. I've blogged about the importance of The Talk before, but now that my oldest is 12, the topic has taken on some additional urgency. Apparently (and I should have known this), it's not enough just to know the basics about puberty and reproduction. It's also absolutely important that teens understand the potential consequences of sex, both physical and emotional, and ways to prevent those consequences. Abstinence is ideal, but count me in with those parents who think it's not enough. I want to make absolutely sure that my sons know how they can prevent disease and pregnancy if/when they choose to engage in sex. The consequences are simply too life-altering to take a chance.

Unfortunately, 2/3 of the boys surveyed said their parents had not talked to them about using condoms before they became sexually active. Over half of the teens said they'd engaged in genital touching before talking to their parents about birth control effectiveness or ways to resist sexual pressure. More than 40 percent had intercourse before their parents talked to them about STDs.

I'll be honest: I thought I was doing a good job. I've always answered my sons' questions and my oldest, at least, knows about sex. I never really imagined that I'd need to sit down and talk to him about how to use a condom or what a STD is and how to prevent them. I realize now that I should.

I'm not going to push it, though. Despite the article's warning that "kids need to be up to speed on STDs, birth control, and other health-protective measures by middle school," I'm going to wait a little longer. My son just turned 12. He's homeschooled, so he doesn't face quite as much social pressure to keep up with the scene. And he doesn't have a girlfriend; he doesn't even spend any time alone with girls.

I realize I may be naive. My guess is that many boys manage to have sex before they have girlfriends, and that many children have sex at places and times their parents can't even imagine. We will talk. We will. But for now, I'm going to do as I've always done and follow his lead.

Does Physical Fitness Make You Smarter?

Maybe, says a new Swedish study.

The study examined 1.2 million Swedish men born between 1950 and 1976. It tracked the boys (then men) over time, looking at physical fitness, intellectual ability and life success, while controlling for things like heredity and family influences. Researchers found a positive link between cardiovascular physical fitness and intellect.

The question, of course, is which came first. Are smart boys more likely to exercise, or does exercise create smart boys?

More research is needed, but if you ask me, the results make sense. Cardiovascular exercise improves blood flow. Blood carries oxygen. The brain, like any other organ in the body, needs blood and oxygen. Stands to reason, then, that a healthy blood supply might improve brain function.

At least, that's what I think. What do you think?

Gender Disappointment

Apparently, some moms are very, very unhappy with their baby boys.

According to a recent article first published in Elle, increasing numbers of American women are voicing their preference for a female child. At least some of those women are spending perfectly good money to enhance their chances. Some are paying for pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, a procedure in which conception occurs outside the body and only the "correct" sex embryos are implants in the woman's body. Others are banking on sperm sorting techniques, such as Microsort.

As a mom of boys (and all boys), I find this trend disturbing, to say the least. Even more disturbing is that the female-child preference seems to be an outgrowth of the current cultural thinking:

What’s behind the modern-day girl fetish? One explanation: Women envision a brighter future for their daughters than they do for their sons. Boys are practically the underdogs these days, having fallen behind girls on nearly every measure of academic achievement, from college attendance to high school graduation rates. According to books such as The War Against Boys and Boys Adrift, they are in danger of becoming, as Christina Hoff Sommers has written, “tomorrow’s second sex.”

“The way society is now—I feel there’s a preference for girls,” says Linda Heithaus, a marine biologist from Hollywood, Florida, who has two sons and is contemplating doing IVF/PGD in the hope of getting a girl. “They can do everything a boy can do, plus you can dress them up. It’s almost like, to fit in, you need to have one.” Girls, in other words, are boys plus. They can play sports and have careers, and you can dress them in pink and take them to tea at the American Girl café. What’s not to like?

Boys do have it tough today. They rank behind girls in academic achievement. They're more likely to be incarcerated. They're more likely to commit suicide. And given the current recession, employment opportunities for boys and men are limited as well. A man can no longer define himself as a success if he provides for his family; he can't even count on providing. Almost all the old benchmarks of male success have disappeared, leaving men and boys stranded in a world that doesn't seem to understand, recognize, or value manliness.

I'm not advocating a return to the "good old days" of the 1950s, a world of rigid sex stereotyping. I'm glad that today's women can (and do) compete in the boardroom, and I'm glad that men can (and do) change dirty diapers.

But boys and girls are different, and I'd like a world where my boys are accepted and valued as they are, not looked upon as less because they have a Y chromosome and love to leap off couches.

Children -- all of them -- come to us with unique personalities and potential. Let's not write off the boys.

Poll: Boys & Birth

Looks like we're all over the place when it comes to boys and birth.

After watching the Internet's first live birth, I asked if you'd be OK with your son watching a birth. All in all, we're in favor of it: 28% said 'Yes, definitely," while another 21 % said your son has already seen a birth. An additional 14% have seen a birth on TV.

I myself fall into the fuzzy "Yes, theorectically" category (21%). Let me explain. While I have no problem whatsoever with my boys being exposed to the realities of birth -- and indeed have already looked at some pretty wonderful pictures with the boys -- I answered from the perspective of a mom considering having her sons at her next birth. (Full disclosure: I am most definitely not pregnant.)

I'm pretty liberal in my birthing beliefs. I'm all about natural childbirth and labor support, and fully believe that birth is a natural part of life. My last two children were born at Wisconsin's first free-standing birth center; if I'd lived closer, I would have seriously considered having Boy #4 at home.

But. I know my boys, and I know myself. I know that I can hardly think sometimes when they're in the room. I know that it is next-to-impossible for me to release my sense of responsibility to them. And I know that when I'm in labor, I need to concentrate. So ultimately, although I love the idea of kids being present at birth to welcome their newest sibling, I concluded that having my boys around during an actual labor and birth would be far too stressful for me. For me; you may feel differently.

I also know my boys, and I know that sitting quietly (or even in a relatively subdued manner) is not their thing. While our birth center features a fabulous family room, complete with TV, DVD player and games, I knew my boys would quickly tire of the whole thing. My boys, I concluded, would be more comfortable at home.

And that's where a home birth comes in. If I'd labored at home, if I had someone around to watch, look out for and otherwise run interference with my boys, I would have welcomed my sons at their brothers' births. At home, they would have been free to do what they do -- to sleep, run, play -- while not being excluded from an event central to the life of our family.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to have your son view a birth is highly individual. You have to consider your son, your personality and your resources. For a great article about kids and birth, click here.

Meanwhile, I'd love to hear your stories. If your son witnessed one of your births, what did he think? If he saw one on TV, what did he say? And if you answered, no, you'd rather not let your son watch a birth, why?

Climbing Ahead

Ever notice how your boys frequently make their biggest leaps when you're not looking?

As you can probably tell, my three-year-old has learned to climb trees. And he did it all on his own.

He was outside playing while the rest of us finished lunch. The older boys heard some loud singing from outside and popped to the window to see what Boy #4 was doing. They found him in the tree.

He's wanted to climb trees ever since he realized there were trees to climb -- a side effect of having three older brothers. But we have long had a tree-climbing rule around here, which is: If you're too small to get up in the tree by yourself, you're too small to climb.

Well, Boy #4 found his way around that one.

All of his own, he figured out how to use the materials in his environment to accomplish his goals. It's almost as if he needed the time, space and freedom to figure things out on his own.

Boy #3 did something similar when he learned to ride his bike. You know how most parents run along behind their child, helping support the bike, while the child learns to find his balance? Boy #3 learned to ride a two-wheeled bike in a parking lot. At a friends' house. While I was inside talking to the other Mom.

Granted, his Dad had been gradually bending his training wheels up for a period of weeks. Little by little, and without even knowing it, Boy #3 was learning to balance. But the final moment of truth -- learning to ride a two-wheeler -- came when we weren't even looking.

The November/December issue of Home Education Magazine touches on this very issue. In her article, "Hey. Just Play," author Rebecca Rupp refers to a new book, Falling for Science, a collection of short essays by past MIT students, reflecting on what drew them to science in the first place. Almost inevitably, she says, "future scientists and engineers all got hooked while messing around -- unsupervised -- with soap bubbles, mud pies, marbles, straws, Erector sets, and Lego blocks."

As parents, we spend hours every day protecting and nuturing our children. Perhaps the best thing we can do, though, is give them the freedom to climb.

Gardasil for Boys?

Should boys receive a vaccination that may prevent cervical cancer?

On the surface, the question seems ridiculous. Boys clearly lack a cervix, so why would boys require protection from cervical cancer?

The question isn't as ridiculous as it seems, though -- and it's one you may be pondering in the near future, given the fact that yesterday the FDA approved Gardasil vaccine for use in boys and young men ages 9-26.

Gardasil protects against HPV, or human papilloma infection. Certain strains of HPV are now known to cause cervical cancer; they also cause gential warts. Currently Gardasil is approved to prevent genital warts in males, although researchers hope that preventing HPV infection in boys will lead to a decrease in female HPV infection as well.

HPV, you see, is a sexually transmitted disease. An extremely common one. Almost all sexually active adults (75-80%) will acquire an HPV infection at some point in time. Most people manage to clear the virus on their own, without any apparent symptoms or complications. A small minority, though, go on to develop genital warts, cervical dysplasia or penile, anal or cervical cancers. No one is exactly sure why some people go on to develop serious complications while others clear the infection with no apparent problem.

In 2006, after extensive testing, the FDA approved the use of Gardasil in young girls. Of course, vaccinating young girls against a sexually tranmitted disease that may or may not cause them problems in later life is not without controversy. Add into the fray the fact that 32 deaths and numerous blood clots were reported after Gardasil vaccination and you can see why a number of parents are hesitant to vaccinate their daughters.

Parents of boys now face the same question. Should your son be vaccinated for a disease that may or may not affect him directly? Right now, the decision is completely up to you. To date, no government recommendations have been made regarding boys and HPV vaccination. (The government is expected to rule on that sometime later this month.)

Harvard researchers, meanwhile, have pointed out that vaccinating boys may be less cost-effective than vaccinating girls. Since girls are disproportionately affected by HPV complications, they say, it makes more sense to concentrate on vaccinating girls, not boys.

Where do I stand on this question? As a woman who's had an HPV infection that led to pre-cancerous cervical changes...that ultimately required treatment with a minor surgical procedure...that affected the ability of my cervix to dilate adequately during my last birth, I'll tell you this: HPV is no laughing matter. If vaccinating my boys means preserving the cervical health of my future daughter-in-laws, well, that's something to consider.

Clearly, I've made no decisions yet. Clearly, I need to know more about the risks, benefits and costs before making a final decision, and I hope that you too will take the time to study the issue carefully before making a decision on behalf of your sons.

Ingenuity (or, What do Do with Autumn Leaves)

Here in Wisconsin, it is officially Fall -- cloudy skies, cool temps, winter jackets and lots and lots of leaves. And as far as I and my boys are concerned, there is absolutely one thing you must do with your leaves in the fall. Jump in them!

Boy #3 spent hours yesterday raking leaves from the front yard and transferring them to the side yard. (Near the picnic table, he explained. So you can jump off it.) He and his brothers had a blast jumping in the crunchy, cushy pile. "And don't worry, Mom," he told me later. "We cleaned it all up."

This struck me as odd, not the least because my boys are not exactly great about cleaning up after themselves. And cleaning up after a leaf pile? That was something I'd never even asked them to do.

Being a smart mom, I did not inquire further. Who I am to squelch their desire for order, their sense of responsibilty? I did think it odd that there was no neatly raked leaf pile (my idea of how they might have cleaned up) or leaves on the curb (would they possibly have jumped in them and then taken them to the curb for pick up?), but shrugged it off as one more unknowable thing of parenting.

Then I walked into the garage this morning and discovered their stash: One wheelbarrow, full of leaves. One garbage can, full of leaves. One five-gallon bucket, full of leaves. My boys, it seemed, decided to pack their leaf pile away for another day.

The same boys who can barely be bothered to pick up their rooms managed to clean up and store a pile of autumn leaves.

What have your boys done lately that's surprised you?