Invest in Families, Not Meds

We’ve decided as a society that it’s too expensive to modify the kid’s environment. So we have to modify the kid.
     -- Dr. Michael Anderson, quoted in today's NYT

If that quote doesn't send chills up your spine, I don't know what will.

Dr. Anderson (and other docs, also quoted in the NYT) are prescribing ADHD medications -- stimulants -- to  help young, low-income kids function in school.


Photo by Arenamontanous via Flickr

Let me repeat that again: Doctors are prescribing high-powered stimulant medication to young children because, in many cases, they feel it's the kids' best chance. These kids are poor. They live in low-income communities and attend low-income, often poor-quality, schools. And our politicians and public have decided that it's far too expensive to improve the kids' living circumstances or schools, so these kids are living -- and trying to learn -- in sub-par environments. The kids' school environment isn't likely to change. The families' financial situations are not likely to change. So the docs are using one of the only tools at their disposal: they're prescribing stimulant medication, which has been shown to improve school performance. These docs know that education is the kids' best chance at a better future, and they knew that the odds of the schools and communities suddenly meeting the very real needs of these kids and families is infintesimal. So they prescribe the meds.

 “We might not know the long-term effects [of stimulant use in young children], but we do know the short-term costs of school failure, which are real. I am looking to the individual person and where they are right now," Dr. Anderson says in the NYT article, Attention Disorder or Not, Pills to Help in School.

I am outraged. Outraged! OUTRAGED!

We value our children so little in this society that we would rather stuff drugs into their young bodies and brains than invest in programs and policies that could improve their world.

And boys may be disproportionately feeling the effects of this resistance to investing in kids' well-being. According to The Boys Initiative, 3 times as many boys as girls are diagnosed with ADHD. Who knows how many of them actually have ADHD, and how many are simply prescribed the drugs as a way of helping them fit into an educational mold that doesn't fully consider their needs? In the Times article, Dr. Anderson says "the children he sees with academic problems are essentially 'mismatched with their environment.'"

I've written before about the mis-match between boys and school. (Most recently, in Boys & School.)
And I've written before about the need to support families if we want children to succeed in school. (Most recently, in Supporting Families & Education.)

But I'm frustrated. I can write about these topics until my fingers are numb, but unless and until our society begins to recognize the importance of families, and value children, it will all be for naught. Our children, and our boys in particular, will continue to suffer.

We can talk all day about the importance of individual responsbility, and the role of government, and still get nowhere. Because at the end of the day, American is still a country that is long on talk and short on support. We say our children are the future, but vote down school referendums, demonize teachers and stash our children in big-box institutions that may or may not meet our kids' needs so we can work and earn the almighty dollar. We say that parenthood is an honorable profession, but refuse to support policies that would allow parents to spend meaningful time with their children.

We refuse to admit that raising great kids takes time. And we refuse to admit that it's important to invest in all kids.

Kids in poor neighborhoods are not throw-aways. They are kids, just like yours. It doesn't matter what their parents did or didn't do. It doesn't matter what their grandparents did or didn't do. What matters is that they have needs and desires and potential, and we, as a society, as turning away from them.

We are stuffing meds down their gullet instead of working to improve their lives.

That has to stop.

I can't stop this neglect alone. But I can, and will, write about it. I can, and will, work within my community to make sure that families have the resources they need to thrive. And I can -- and will -- vote for policies and politicians that support kids and families.

Our kids deserve support, not pharmaceutical shortcuts.

Supporting Families and Education

Finland is doing something right.

At least, that's the basic premise behind a recent Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article, "All Eyes on Education." Finnish students excel on international measures of academic achievement; they consistently receive high scores in reading, math and science. Finland also has one of the world's smallest achievement gaps between its lowest- and highest-performing school. And they do it all on a per-kid education budget that's less than the United States'.

But as the article makes clear, Finns' educational success isn't completely due to high standards for teachers and an emphasis on creativity and independent thought. The country also places a high value on the family -- and, unlike the United States, which pays lip service to the importance of family but actually does very little support families, Finland puts its money where its priorities lie.

While the United States leaves parents alone to figure out how to juggle work, family, childcare and education, the Finnish government allows parents (of both sexes!) to take up to 17 weeks of paid vacation of the birth of a child. If they wish, parents can add on another three years of unpaid leave. Free daycare is available for all children from infancy to kindergarten-age, but if parents choose to care for their children at home, they receive a monthly home-care allowance from the government. That's on top of the monthly child support money every single family receives until the kids are grown, the one the article says parents get because Finns believe "that raising children shouldn't be an undue financial burden for families."

Oh, and they get healthcare as well.

Think about it: How different would life be if all parents were able to take time off of work to bond with their babies? If parents who wanted to nurture their children at home were given the resources to do so, instead of being financially forced to place their children into often sub-standard childcare arrangements so that they can pay the bills and have health insurance?

What would it be like if we gave families the tools they needed to raise and nurture the next generation?

Yes, such government support comes at a cost. According to the Journal Sentinel article, income taxes in Finland range from 6.5% to 30%; municipal taxes are 16 to 21%, depending on income. But I wonder: How much would that really affect my daily budget? I mean, if I got healthcare and childcare and some child support from the government back, would I really be paying any more per month? Or would I merely be participating in a system that does its best to ensure that all kids get a good start in life?

Because I believe that what happens at home is always more important than what happens at school. Whether you're in Finland or inner city L.A., what happens at home has far more bearing on your education and character development than anything that happens in the classroom.

I'm in no position to emigrate to Finland, so for now, I will do everything I can to support families and education here in the U.S. For me, that has meant sacrificing years of income and retirement security to be with my kids in their younger years. It means continuing to support my kids' interests and outside activities, even now that most of them are in school. It also means supporting moms and dads by the dissemination of information. That's why I write articles; that's why I blog.

It's also why I try to provide support and encouragement to every parent I meet. Parenting is hard work, and even if I can't help with the specifics of your situation, I can assure you that challenges are normal and that the struggle is worth the effort. I can smile at mom with two crying kids in a stroller; perhaps my smile will signal to her that I think her efforts are worthwhile.

I can also work in community to meet the needs of the families around me. I can donate food to my local food pantry, buy gifts for families in need over the holidays and support legislation that supports families and education.

What are you doing to support families and education? Do you think government should play a larger role in the support of families, ala Finland? Or do you think there's something to be said for the U.S. approach?

Characteristics of Homeschooling Families

Have I mentioned the fact that I'm blogging for The Homeschool Classroom this year?

My first post, 7 Characteristics of Homeschooling Families, went live yesterday. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Snapshot Sunday: Wedding Cake

Compliments

"You have such nice boys."

We spent the day with extended family -- many of whom we haven't seen a long time -- and by and large, almost everyone had something good to say about my boys.

"Your boys are so well-behaved."

Now I realize that my relatives may have been making nice. And I'm fully aware that very, very few people are going to come up to me and say directly, "Your kids are scallywags!" All the same, it was nice to hear good things about my boys.

What's the nicest compliment anyone has given you about your sons?

Blogging 'Bout Kids and Family

Over 100 writers are taking part in this year's WordCount Blogathon. I'll post the full list soon, but today, I'm highlighting the parenting blogs.

Karen Bannan – Natural as Possible Mom, Because natural isn’t always possible — or easy

Danielle Buffardi – Horrible Sanity, Going into the mind of a mother and freelancer

Heather Faesy – Blame it on the Full Moon, My kids, writing and reading

Nancy Mann Jackson – Growing Food and Kids, Gardening, harvesting, cooking and preserving with kids in tow

Sarah E. Ludwig – Parenting by Trial and Error, The learning curve in raising kids

Kim McNeill – Kim’s Play Place, An active parent trying to make sure my kids are educated

Charles Newbery – Pine Tree Paradise, The life of a work-at-home writer and father of three

Andrea Parker – Autism Fundraising Guide, For parents of children with autism

Kate Reilly – Polka Dot Suitcase, Family fun through creative living

Melissa Sais – Digital Mom, Raising kids in a digital world

Lisa Samalonis – Single Parent Savings

Michelle Smith – Law Office of Michelle R. Smith, Because it’s your life, your family and your choice

Jan Udlock – Imperfect Mom

Rachel Vidoni – East Coast Musings, A humorous look at kids, family and life

Take a look around. Enjoy! And if you get a chance, come back here and let me know which are your favorites.

Back

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

First, life got busy, then blogging got hard. You know how it's hard to go back to the gym when you've been away awhile? Seems blogging is like that too!

But tonight, my Mom and Dad returned from their winter home in Arizona. They're back home -- and I'm back, blogging 'bout boys.

Mom and Dad brought back a ton of presents and as the parents of four boys (and two girls), they know boys well. The boys' gifts included three bags of huge marshmallows (if you don't think this is cool, check the link), some wrapping paper tubes (which the boys promptly began using as swords), a Bob the Builder video and a set of four paint-your-own, wind-up monster trucks. To say the house was noisy after supper is an understatement!

The boys' Uncle T -- aka The Broker -- was here too. Uncle T, an accountant by day, has introduced my boys to the world of finance. Boy #3 was thrilled, because months after discovering that his first Christmas ornament was actually an ounce of silver, Uncle T was finally going to buy it from him! #3 has been tracking silver prices for months, just waiting for an opportunity to sell. So when Uncle T ran out to the car to get a $20, tucked the money into my son's hand and told him to "keep the change," Boy #3 simply grasped the money and smiled. He knew the going price for silver was only about $18. He knew he'd just gotten a deal. Until he realized that the bill in his hand was a single, not a twenty! Uncle T strikes again -- and the boys learn one more lesson.

What's up with you? I'd love to hear what's been going on in your lives!

Snapshot Sunday: Smiley Boy

She Said It Better...

...than I ever could.

The evening sent me spinning.
Dizzy from the nonstop
narration,
instruction,
prevention
that I holler out, like a caller at a square dance
for feral cats.

The words are genius, a beautiful word picture of events and emotions all too familiar to moms and dads. Head on over to Boy Crazy to read the rest of her wonderful poem, "current."

The Benefit of Brothers

My six-year-old recently told me, "You know what the good thing about having four brothers is? When we're all grown up, if a dude picks on us, we can take him down!"

He hesitated for a moment, then added, "And we'll have lots of practice from childhood!"

Gender Disappointment

Apparently, some moms are very, very unhappy with their baby boys.

According to a recent article first published in Elle, increasing numbers of American women are voicing their preference for a female child. At least some of those women are spending perfectly good money to enhance their chances. Some are paying for pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, a procedure in which conception occurs outside the body and only the "correct" sex embryos are implants in the woman's body. Others are banking on sperm sorting techniques, such as Microsort.

As a mom of boys (and all boys), I find this trend disturbing, to say the least. Even more disturbing is that the female-child preference seems to be an outgrowth of the current cultural thinking:

What’s behind the modern-day girl fetish? One explanation: Women envision a brighter future for their daughters than they do for their sons. Boys are practically the underdogs these days, having fallen behind girls on nearly every measure of academic achievement, from college attendance to high school graduation rates. According to books such as The War Against Boys and Boys Adrift, they are in danger of becoming, as Christina Hoff Sommers has written, “tomorrow’s second sex.”

“The way society is now—I feel there’s a preference for girls,” says Linda Heithaus, a marine biologist from Hollywood, Florida, who has two sons and is contemplating doing IVF/PGD in the hope of getting a girl. “They can do everything a boy can do, plus you can dress them up. It’s almost like, to fit in, you need to have one.” Girls, in other words, are boys plus. They can play sports and have careers, and you can dress them in pink and take them to tea at the American Girl café. What’s not to like?

Boys do have it tough today. They rank behind girls in academic achievement. They're more likely to be incarcerated. They're more likely to commit suicide. And given the current recession, employment opportunities for boys and men are limited as well. A man can no longer define himself as a success if he provides for his family; he can't even count on providing. Almost all the old benchmarks of male success have disappeared, leaving men and boys stranded in a world that doesn't seem to understand, recognize, or value manliness.

I'm not advocating a return to the "good old days" of the 1950s, a world of rigid sex stereotyping. I'm glad that today's women can (and do) compete in the boardroom, and I'm glad that men can (and do) change dirty diapers.

But boys and girls are different, and I'd like a world where my boys are accepted and valued as they are, not looked upon as less because they have a Y chromosome and love to leap off couches.

Children -- all of them -- come to us with unique personalities and potential. Let's not write off the boys.

Time for a Hug

I'm not from a particularly huggy family. We don't hug every time we say hi and we rarely hug when we say good-bye. It's more like a, "Hey, good to see ya." The affection is there, but understated, understood.

And yet hugs have a way of making things better when nothing else can.

This morning, when I was feeling overwhelmed by all I had to do, Boy #1 came up and gave me a hug -- wordlessly, silently -- and my day was better.

Tonight, after a bedtime battle that lasted over an hour-and-a-half, Boy #4 sat sobbing in his bed as I lay on the floor beside him. Something in my Mommy-heart spoke to me, and I sat up and wrapped him in my arms. He cried into my shoulders (both of them; he's very European that way) and whispered, "I'm sorry" before settling quietly into sleep. I'm convinced he'd still be crying if I hadn't taken a moment to hug my son.

This Thanksgiving, hug the boys in your life. Yes, they drive you crazy sometimes, and yes, they may try to shrug away when you approach with open arms. But your boys love you too, and a hug says more than words ever will.

Family Hate

My boys can bicker. A lot. In fact, they frequently spend entire days telling each other how much better their lives would be if only their brothers didn't exist.

And yet, they care about each other. A lot.

Case in point: The other day, Boy #2 and Boy #3 spent the bulk of their day arguing and fighting. Boy #2 let Boy #3 know, in no uncertain terms, that Boy #3 is not his favorite person in the world.

But that night, when Boy #3 was tired beyond belief and not feeling well, who was at his bedside? Boy #2. Who came to get me when Boy #3 said he thought he had a fever? Boy #2. And who checked in and said a sweet good night, even after I was laying with Boy #3? Boy #2.

"See," I told Boy #3. "He doesn't hate you. He really does love you."

"Oh, Mom," Boy #3 said, with a note of exasperation in his voice. "That's just family hate."

On some level, my boys get it. On some level, they love their brothers fiercely, even though they drive each other crazy. On some level, they know that all the hateful words are really just expressions of frustration and irritation.

Yes, we need to work on that; my boys need to learn better way to express frustration and irritation. But for now, I will revel in the memory of a sweet Boy #2, anxiously checking on his sick brother.

Have you entered my giveaway yet? You could win a Tag Jr. reading bundle!

Sometimes, It's Best to Wait

We've talked about potty training before, so you may already know that my basic philosopy is to follow the child:

Four boys into parenting, I'm convinced that you can't teach a child to go on the potty. Of course, if you've been around awhile, you probably already know that I don't think you can teach a child anything.

You can facilitate a child's learning. You can provide materials and answer questions. You can even show him how something is done. But to say you can teach him something -- which many people seem to define as getting a child to do what you want him to do, when you want him to do it -- seems to ignore the basic fact that the child is part of the equation as well.

I can throw all the information and knowledge in the world at a kid, but if he's not developmentally, emotionally, cognitively or physically ready to receive it, he's not going to "learn" a darn thing.

Which leads me to @cfoutz. Her blog post, Bringing Back Diapers, should be required reading for anyone thinking of imposing potty training on a child.

Long story short, her 3 1/2-year-old son was willing to sit on the potty for his preschool teacher, but not his parents. He liked his big-boy underwear, but wasn't so crazy about using the potty. So he didn't. For 33 whole hours. He ended up in the emergency room.

All is well -- her little guy peed just after the ultrasound technician scanned his bladder -- and his parents have decided to heed his very loud signals. 3 1/2-year-old boy is now back in diapers.

@cfoutz, of course, felt terrible about the whole thing:

During all of this I was a mess of guilt and frustration. I was crying to my mother that I felt so bad but was doing all I could do. There are just no books for a kid like him. The only books that talk about strong-willed kids talk about discipline or just living with them and understanding them. No one talks about the other things, like the weaning off things, toilet learning, sleeping alone, etc. There are no guides for parents like me.

Don't get me wrong: I think there's a time and place for parental advice columns and parenting books and magazines. As parents, we need all the information we can get. But no book, column, article or expert will ever tell you what your child needs. Your child is the only one who can tell you that, and you, as his parent, are uniquely equipped to interpret his needs. Together, you can find the path that takes him exactly where he needs to go.

Your job is to listen.

Poll: Boys & Birth

Looks like we're all over the place when it comes to boys and birth.

After watching the Internet's first live birth, I asked if you'd be OK with your son watching a birth. All in all, we're in favor of it: 28% said 'Yes, definitely," while another 21 % said your son has already seen a birth. An additional 14% have seen a birth on TV.

I myself fall into the fuzzy "Yes, theorectically" category (21%). Let me explain. While I have no problem whatsoever with my boys being exposed to the realities of birth -- and indeed have already looked at some pretty wonderful pictures with the boys -- I answered from the perspective of a mom considering having her sons at her next birth. (Full disclosure: I am most definitely not pregnant.)

I'm pretty liberal in my birthing beliefs. I'm all about natural childbirth and labor support, and fully believe that birth is a natural part of life. My last two children were born at Wisconsin's first free-standing birth center; if I'd lived closer, I would have seriously considered having Boy #4 at home.

But. I know my boys, and I know myself. I know that I can hardly think sometimes when they're in the room. I know that it is next-to-impossible for me to release my sense of responsibility to them. And I know that when I'm in labor, I need to concentrate. So ultimately, although I love the idea of kids being present at birth to welcome their newest sibling, I concluded that having my boys around during an actual labor and birth would be far too stressful for me. For me; you may feel differently.

I also know my boys, and I know that sitting quietly (or even in a relatively subdued manner) is not their thing. While our birth center features a fabulous family room, complete with TV, DVD player and games, I knew my boys would quickly tire of the whole thing. My boys, I concluded, would be more comfortable at home.

And that's where a home birth comes in. If I'd labored at home, if I had someone around to watch, look out for and otherwise run interference with my boys, I would have welcomed my sons at their brothers' births. At home, they would have been free to do what they do -- to sleep, run, play -- while not being excluded from an event central to the life of our family.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to have your son view a birth is highly individual. You have to consider your son, your personality and your resources. For a great article about kids and birth, click here.

Meanwhile, I'd love to hear your stories. If your son witnessed one of your births, what did he think? If he saw one on TV, what did he say? And if you answered, no, you'd rather not let your son watch a birth, why?

Imposed Stress?

Gutsy Writer, a mom of three boys, had an interesting comment regarding my last blog post.

I'm curious to hear what you think about the difference between boys/men and girls/women, towards stress. I think one of the things that attracts females to males is they are able to remain calm when women "freak" out. So in a way, that's a nice thing for women. Imagine if men said, "I'm worried and stressed about life." Most women worry about everything and if their husband also worried, that would double the stress. So what I'm trying to say is that perhaps boys/men, don't worry as much as girls/women do, and we might be imposing our "stress" feelings on them.

Here's what I think:

I think men and boys do worry. But as I stated in the last blog post, they have a tendency to bottle it up. Men and boys are much more inclined to ignore their stress -- and that, I think, is a dangerous thing.

Women don't necessarily want or need a man who freaks out when the going gets tough. But denying the stress isn't exactly a useful response either. I want my boys to grow up knowing how to handle stressful situations. I want them to learn to recognize their stressful feelings, to view those feelings as a signal to act. Rather than avoiding stressful situations, I want my sons to learn how to proactively handle tough situations. Because like it or not, stress is going to be part of their lives. From money worries to health concernes, stress is unavoidable, I want my boys to prepared to handle it.

What do you think? Do you think women are imposing their version of stress on men? How do you think men and women handle stress differently?

Soothing the Stress

So how do you help your stressed out son?

#1: Recognize that he needs help
The research shows that boys are likely to ignore stress. They may deny their stressful feelings or refuse to think about the issue causing them stress. And while both strategies may work in the short-term, neither is a long-term solution. So your first step as a parent may be to help your son realize that feeling stressed out is a signal, a signal that something needs to change.

#2: Identify and minimize triggers.
If you can, figure out what's bothering your son. If he's young, say under the age of three, it'll be up to you to identify the causes of his meltdowns. Is he hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? Try to figure out what's going on, and then take steps to remedy the situation. Also, see what you can do differently next time. If your son has a temper tantrum every time you stop by the grocery store on the way home from daycare, it may be that the grocery store, with its lights and sounds and people, is just too much for him after a day of childcare. Next time, try picking up milk before you pick up your son.

If your son is older, see if he can identify what's causing him stress. Don't be suprised if his first answer is an exasperated, "I don't know." Remember: boys avoid thinking about their stress. Talking through some possible causes ("Your new teacher seems pretty strict") might help him open up.

#3: Get him moving
When a person is stressed, his body enters a stage of fight-or-flight. Adrenaline pumps through his body -- whether or not he needs to flee from a Siberian tiger.

Take advantage of that chemical influx by encouraging your son to go for a run, punch a pillow or do jumping jacks. He may return with a new perspective.

#4: Speak up
Boys' hearing is less acute than girls' anyway. Add in stress, and they're likely to tune you out all together. Don't yell; just speak in a loud, clear voice.

#5: Teach problem solving
After your son has calmed down, talk through the situation. What happened? What would he like to happen? What steps can he take to make that outcome more likely?

Role-modeling is great here. Let your son see you constructively handling stress in your everyday life. Better yet -- let him see his father, uncles, and male neighbors handling stress productively.

What other ideas do you have for helping boys deal with stress?

Anxious Boys?

Parents aren't the only ones stressing out these days. The kids are stressed too.

New research from the American Psychological Association (APA) reveals that stress is the number one health concern for American high schoolers. Stress!

Grown-ups drowning under the weight of a recession find it all too easy to dismiss the idea of stressed out kids. "Please," they say, "what do kids have to be stressed about? All they have to worry about is themselves!"

Yes, but...kids worry about the recession too. Kids worry about money and jobs and tests and girls and terrorrism and whether or not their parents will stay together. They worry about their pets and college and the weather. They even worry about us.

Today's kids are much more stressed than we'd like to believe. Thirty-one percent of the parents who particpated in the APA study said their children had little to no stress; only 9% of the kids agreed. Half of the teens said they're more worried this year, while less than 1/3 of the parents thought their kids were experiencing additional stress.

Boys are not immune. In fact, David Thomas, co-author of Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys, says he's seeing more stressed out boys in his therapy practice than ever before. "In the last decade," Thomas says, "I have seen more cases of anxiety than I have at any other time."

Our hyper-paced lifestyles may be partly to blame. "I think boys are anxious when they don’t have the kind of space they need, when there are so many demands on them throughout the academic day and then they go straight from school to violin lessons, straight from violin lessons to sports and straight from sports to something else," Thomas says. "Boys need time and space to release."

Thomas says that what looks like ADHD may actually be anxiety in disguise. "When a young man feels anxious, he’s distracted. He’s spending so much of his emotional energy trying to maintain balance that he's like a pressure cooker, and at different points he might explode or be really irrational, impulsive or distracted," Thomas says.

Tomorrow, we'll talk about signs of stress -- and what you can do about them.

What do you think? Are your sons stressed out? What's bothering them?

Can Boys Nurse Babies?

I stumbled across an interesting article by Amy Rawson today. Called "Raising Boys," her article delineates her attempt to raise boys unfettered by society's expectations of what a boy should be. Her boys, she says, are free to play with trucks and dolls, to sport long hair and to cry when they're hurt.

The part of her article that took the most heat, though, was the part where she admits that her two sons pretend to nurse their dolls.

I was not shocked, surprised or offended by that statement. I've nursed four boys, and at least three of them have pretended to nurse a doll or stuffed animal at some point in time. And why wouldn't they? Children learn to parent by watching us, and my boys saw me nursing the new baby many times a day.

Many readers, though, were disgusted by her admission. A sampling:

"Boys acting like they are nursing!? Ok, I think that is a bit extreme."

"If my girls were pretending to nurse, it wouldn't be so bad. After all, I nursed mine til they were a year. But, I would be offended if I saw my son "nursing" a baby, I would not if he had a bottle (it can always be a bottle of "breast milk"). They don't have the "equipment" and I just don't think it's right. I think this kind of raising (in the article) may turn him into a "girly man", and I hate that."

"Of course a child acts out nursing. Because he saw you do it. He's testing you to see your response. If you don't guide them, and teach them, they will grow up as an animal in captivity and will be very sad when they hit the "real world" and probably ill-equipped to cope."

I'm speechless. Do people really believe this stuff? What's your take on boys nursing babies?

Persistence

Some kids just don't take no for an answer.

Unfortunately, I have been blessed with at least two of them.

The "un" in that sentence is rather unfortunate, because persistence, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. Persistence is the difference between a published author and an unpublished one. Persistence brought us the lightbulb and computer. Persistence is what helps tired parents everywhere get through our busy days!

But persistence in a toddler/preschooler? Aaaarggggh!

You know how most childhood experts will tell you to redirect a young child who's interested in picking up a delicate or fragile object? Well, redirection doesn't work with a persistent child. The persistent child will simply return to said object again and again and again.

Which isn't a bad thing, really. The ability to perserve, despite obstacles and over time, is clearly a marker of success. Our job as parents is to somehow preserve the sense of persistence -- while somehow co-habitating with a child who clearly has his own ideas about living.

It's not easy. It's not easy at all. I came home from our 4-H meeting tonight, thoroughly exhausted from battling with a persistent three-year-old who saw absolutely no reason for him to remain quiet during the meeting. He wanted to race cars. He wanted to play with balls. And he wasn't buying my reassurances of "later" at all.

It would be easier for me to somehow squash his persistence, to somehow force him to comply with my wishes, instead of always responding to his inner desires. But 1) I don't know how to do that, at least not in any way I'd feel good about it, and 2) I don't want to want to destroy what will someday be one of his strongest assets.

In an effort to find some answers, I Googled, "persistent child" when I came home-- and found this gem of antique wisdom. I think I'm going to follow her advice:

"I never keep late hours and I take very nourishing food. One needs poise and health and quiet nerves to regulate persistence without destroying it."

What are your tips for dealing with a persistent child?