31 Posts in 31 Days

Normally, Fridays are Best of the Blogs day around here. But today, please allow me a moment to interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Today is June 1, which means that the Blogathon -- the 31-day blogging challenging I undertook during the month of May -- is officially over.

It's not easy to keep your blogging mojo going for 31 days, but I learned this: It's a lot easier to keep your mojo up when you blog on a regular basis. Before, I struggled to post once a week. Now, putting a blog post up more days than not is almost second nature.

I also learned the value of putting yourself out there. Because of the Blogathon, I connected with other people who are concerned about the welfare of boys. I virtually met and interviewed Crystal Smith, author of The Achilles Effect. My blog has been featured in The Boys Initiative newsletter, and I've been invited to contribute a blog post to their brand-new blog, Attention Must Be Paid. (Head over and check out their stuff -- and don't worry, I'll post a link as soon as my Boys Initiative post goes live.)

All of that might sounds like a lot of self-promotion, but it's really not. As a mom of boys, I'm truly concerned about the well-being of boys everywhere, yet there is only so much I can do on my own. When I connect with others who share my concerns, we generate a power and synergy that has the potential to create changes.

My goal is to add an on-the-ground, in-the-trenches voice to the discussions and debates about boys. Academic and research-based perspectives certainly have value, but I think it's absolutely crucial to understand what's happening in boys' lives on a day-to-day basis. It's important, I think, to listen to the boys themselves, and to the parents who are working to support their sons as they navigate a world that is often less-than-friendly to boys' needs and instincts. It's important to share our challenges, as well as our success stories, and to encourage one another as we work to raise hardworking, respectful and emotionally intelligent men.

So thank you for joining me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and opinions, and thanks for sharing my blog posts across the Internet. I look forward to continuing the conversation!

Boys at a Glance

I missed Wordle Day!

When I signed on for Blogathon 2012, I was particularly looking forward to one theme day: Wordle Day. I was introduced to the concept of a Wordle about a year ago, at the School of the Arts in Rhinelander. The idea that a computer program could take text and turn it into a thematic work of art intrigued me, and I began playing with the program almost immediately. I love the way a Wordle can get to the heart of a text, and in some cases, I've even uploaded bits of journal entries, just to see what the main theme is.

I coudn't wait to see what a Blogging 'Bout Boys Wordle would look like. But in the busyness of life, I forgot! (Because, you know, painting my kitchen is just so much fun.)

So today, I take a break from my kitchen and my reguarly scheduled blogging to give you a Blogging 'Bout Boys Wordle. Kind of fun to see what we've been talking about, eh?

Want to make your own Wordle? Head over to wordle.net to try it out!

Blogging Tips

It's time for another Blogathon Theme Day! Today's theme: If I started blogging today, I would...

I started blogging in 2009 because I heard it was the thing to do. Writers everywhere were started blogs, and I'd knew be behind if I didn't at least learn how to blog. So I took a class. I signed up for Jane Boursaw's Blogging for Fun and Profit. Her class gave me the nudge and support I needed to start Blogging 'Bout Boys. (My very first post was less-than-inspiring, but hey, it got me going!)

At the time, I was pretty clueless. I'm not a techie person, so I chose Blogger as my blogging platform, because I heard it was easier. But if I started blogging today, I think I would use WordPress instead. I've heard many good things about WordPress from other writers and bloggers, and I've actually worked in WordPress for various clients. It's not as hard as I thought. Plus, it seems to have more useful features and add-ons. Plus, I'm not a big fan of this new Blogger format.

Now, I'd like to migrate my blog to WordPress. I know it can be done, but the truth is, I'm intimidated. Has anyone here migrated a blog to WordPress? I'd love to hear about your experience.

What else would I do differently? I'd...

• love a better template.  For a few years, I had a really cute, free Blogger template. But I lost that just over a year ago, when the woman who designed the template (and many others) lost her free PhotoBucket storage. I was bummed. I stepped away from my blog for awhile, in fact, because it no longer appealed to me. Finally, I decided some blog was better than no blog, so I resumed blogging with this template. I'm not in love with it. Anyone else have a better idea?
• blog on a regular basis. My long-term readers know that my blogging has been sporadic over the years. It's easy to get caught up in life and paying work, and very, very easy to neglect blogging when you're in the midst of a nasty divorce. But when I blog, I connect with interesting people. And when I connect with interesting people, I learn and grow. When I learn and grow, I have something to share. Blogging regularly, I've learned, helps me maintain my enthusiasm for my blog and topic, and introduces me to others who share similar passions. 
• write with abandon. Truth be told, one of the big reasons I didn't blog much last year was because I was self-censoring my posts before they were even written. It's one thing, I think, to be conscious of how much you share about your life and family online. It's quite another to shut yourself down completely due to fears of what other people might think. The Blogathon has taught me that people respond when I write openly and honestly.

Do you have a blog? What would you do differently, given the chance?

Haiku: Teenager

Flickr photo by ST33VO

Steadfast and stubborn

The young tree no longer bends

But stands like an oak

Guest Post: Criminal or Clueless? When Sex Means Jail

Photo via NorthUmbria Police

“Can you identify the person who allegedly raped you?”

“Yes your Honor,” says the girl. “He’s right there.”

She points and all eyes land on the pimply teenager, flanked by power suits—clearly his attorneys. The boy drops his head and a tear slides down his nose.

Could this be your son?

As a mom of a grown daughter, I cringe at the crime called date rape. (By law, it is stripped of its condition and simply called rape.) It’s dirty and traumatizing and ugly, no matter its circumstance.

As the mom to two teenaged boys, I cringe at the crime for different reasons. Perpetrators in 20% of the 182,000 rapes reported by girls between 12 and 17 in 2008 were intimately known (spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend) by the victims. That’s a staggering number. Someone’s doing the raping.

Could it be my son? Could it be yours?

It’s shocking to consider, isn’t it? But can we close our eyes to the possibility? 

Do my boys really know the difference between grinding on the dance floor when nothing but a little skimpy cloth separates it and the real thing? 

Do they understand that action isn’t always invitation? 

Can they decipher between a No that means Yes and a No that means No?

And have I ever had a conversation with either of them that goes beyond the birds and the bees and don’t do it ’til you’re ready and make sure you are protected?

It would be easy to sit in that courtroom and vilify the pimply boy from the example above—he should have known better. Where were his parents?

But hello. I’m raising boys. Teen boys. And sometimes, despite all the lectures and lessons and sharing, there are days when they lose their feet on the way to tie their shoes.

To think they will make the connection between crime and passion in the heat of a hormonal moment when  sex, even aggressive sex, is touted on every show, every video and every song might be asking a bit much from their construction site called a brain. When they receive images of nude classmates on their cell phones (because 1 in 6 teens between 12 and 17 have received them), why on earth would  they all of a sudden realize, when every sign says Go!, that what they are doing is a crime?

I’m just sayin’.

Should boys be given a carte blanche pass then? No way. I’m a firm believer in responsibility and accountability.

What I am saying is that while it seems they should know better, we really ought to make sure they do.

I’d much prefer to stick to informational sex talks. I’d much rather tell my boys to just not go there and have them comply.

But statistics force me to address my Pollyanna wishes. I need to address these issues in my home, with  my boys, before an officer knocks on our front door.

Uncomfortable? Absolutely. 

But who ever said raising boys would be comfortable?

Carrie Schmeck is a features and business copywriter in northern California. She has 2 boys, ages 15 and 18, and a 22-year-old daughter. See more of her work on her website, Bizziwriter.

Best of the Blogs

This Friday, we're going to revive an old, occasional feature: Best of the Blogs. From here on out, my Friday posts will be a round up of some of the best stuff on the 'Net.

Today's Best of the Blogs:

Sexism and The Early Learning Centre. A Facebook friend pointed me to this post after she read my recent post, "Helping Boys in a Sex-Soaked Society." In my post, I mention the insidious nature of mass media images, and how they worm their way into our sons' brains and affect their self-image, beliefs and preferences. This blog post shows you how that happens. It's kind of long, but definitely worth a scroll-through. The author includes lots of images from a common catalog, and let me tell you: the pictures make her point.

Nurturing or Ambition: Do Moms Have to Choose? I love Meagan Francis, aka The Happiest Mom. Her latest blog post is a common sense look at the internal struggle many moms feel -- the kind of struggle that fuels the Mommy Wars, if you ask me. As far as Meagan is concerned, there's not need to choose. Moms, she says, can be nurturing and ambitious all at the same time. Amen, sister!

Experiment That Lets Kids Get Messy: Learning About Catalysts.  How could I not love the title of this post? As you know, I'm all about hands-on education, and as far as my boys are concerned, the messier the better! This post, by fellow Blogathoner Danielle promised a science experiment that is "a big step up from the old  baking soda and vinegar trick." AND it makes something called Elephant's Toothpaste!

Are Men Attracted to What They Think Other Men Approve Of? Ok, this article by Hugo Schwyzer may not technically be a blog post. But it does include a mention of my blog, and I think that's pretty cool!

What do you see on the 'Net this week that struck you as fun, interesting or worthwhile? Share a link in the comments!

Helping Boys in a Sex-Soaked Society

Yesterday, my six-year-old -- my innocent, cherubic-faced 6-year-old -- told me that his "rich, secret life" would include lots of tractors. And 1000 girls.

The tractors were no surprise. This boy has loved John Deere tractors and all kinds of heavy construction equipment from day one. 1000 girls, though? That surprised me.

What kind of girls, I asked?

He motioned me closer and whispered in my ear: "Sexy."

Then added: "Not fat."


My son is six-years-old, and already he has completely internalized the American ideal of female beauty. (By they way, he further added, "No glasses" to his list of requirements for the girls. When I pointed out that I wear glasses, at least on occasion, he told me I'm "not sexy.")

Six. Years. Old!

As a woman, I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed and disgusted that our society's version of beauty is so narrow and pervasive that even our prepubescent boys know exactly what flavor of eye candy should be hanging on their arms. As a mom, I'm disturbed. Is it my fault? Have I let him see too much? Because we do watch TV, and I'm not exactly strict about limiting his screen time to material best suited for kids 6 and under. Don't get me wrong; I do keep tabs on what he watches, and more often than not, he's watching something on PBS. (Wild Kratts, for  instance, is his favorite show.) But somehow, some way, my little boy has gotten the message that sexy women are desirable, and that sexy = not fat.

Yet is it surprising? Is there any way at all to miss that message in our culture?

The question is, how do we, as parents of boys, help our boys see past the stereotypes? How do we help them understand that women are for more than sex, and that a person's worth does not depend on their physical appearance?

It's tough. Our boys are clearly growing up in a sex-saturated culture that tells them that girls are good for one thing. (Or maybe more. Clearly, sex appeal is useful for selling cars also. And beer. And, well, Internet hosting companies. Did you see the GoDaddy ads during the SuperBowl?)

But I want my boys to know that women and girls are multi-faceted human beings, just like men and boys. I want my boys to value character, intelligence and integrity, not chest and ass and face. And sometimes, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

Then I remember that the real world always holds more power than the fictional world held up by the media. And I remember that my boys are surrounded by many examples of strong, intelligent, capable women. And I think that, perhaps, that is the answer, that exposing my boys to all kinds of wonderful women will somehow broaden their definition of "woman." Every day, my boys see complex, three-dimensional women, and I hope that they will gradually understand that a real woman is much more wonderful than the one-dimensional sex symbols flaunted in the media.

That's one piece. The other piece of the puzzle involves combating the negative media images of women. I want my sons to know that what they see on TV and in magazines is not real, that even the women in the ads don't look that way. So I show them videos like Dove's Evolution video, which vividly shows the transformation of a woman into a flawless work of art. And we talk about photoshopping and unrealistic expectations and eating disorders. (Actually, we need to talk about these things some more.)

The next step is working toward a more positive and realistic representation of women in the media. Yesterday, I signed 8th grader Julia Bluhm's petition to ask Seventeen magazine to include at least one un-photoshopped image in each issue. (Sad, isn't it, that asking for once such photo is a major step!)

It's a start.

What are you doing to help your sons sort through the negative messages they receive about women from the media?

Boys & Bullying, Take 2

I was bullied as a child and no one ever told me that I had a RIGHT to my well-being and I learned to "take it." As a result, I allowed people to push me around and I became a frightened, timid, individual until I reached my mid-30s... What kind of mixed messages are we, the "grown-ups," sending children who bully and are bullied?
           -- Lisa Blyth, Blogging 'Bout Boys reader who blogs at Living My Imagination

My previous post about Boys & Bullying generated a lot of interesting and provocative comments, including the one above. What do you think of her perspective?

I think she brings up an important and valid point. When we don't allow children to stand up for themselves -- and I'd argue that certain zero-tolerance policies make it very hard for kids to stand up for themselves -- we are, in effect, telling them to take it. We are slowly and subtly teaching them to tolerate abuse. And if the system (school officials, etc) fail to respond or protect the child, we are also teaching him (perhaps accurately) that the system is unreliable and has little to no interest in protecting people from psychological or emotional abuse.

But teachers and schools have a lot to handle, and even well-intentioned teachers and school administrators struggle with the issue of bullying. Take a look at some of these comments, which were posted on my Facebook page:

the problem is that bullying behavior is rarely reported, which puts a lot on the teachers to be able to spot it...but with as many demands as they have already, tht's one that slips through the cracks. it's also chalked up a lot to "kids will be kids." 
          -- A Wisconsin teacher

Pulling a card is a behavior management plan where a child pulls a card when they misbehave. As the infractions increase the punishment increase...if the child has a disability they can only receive 10 days per year. If this child had 10, the school hands are tied. 
          --  Principal of a Georgia elementary/middle school


Part of the problem, as the Wisconsin teacher points out, is that our schools contain a widely diverse student body:


Very few other countries have the poverty issues the the US has, nor do they have the number of special needs students. 

Just imagine trying to deal with bullying in a class or school that contains hungry children, or children who have been abused, or kids who have serious disabilities and mental health concerns. I can see how that would be a challenge!  And yet at the same time, I, like most other parents, want my children (and yours) to feel safe in school, at home, and in their community.


What I've learned, though, is that there are no easy answers. Solving bullying is not as simple as instituting an anti-bullying or zero-tolerance policy. It's not as simple as saying "use your words" or "fight back if necessary." To truly combat bullying, we need to address some serious societal problems. We need to address the home environment; I truly believe that a child who feels loved, valued and important is far less likely to bully another child than one who is belittled and abused at home.

Somehow, some way, we -- as a society -- have to learn to treat each other with respect, and we need to teach our children not only how to treat others with respect, but how to insist on respectful treatment as well. Because Lisa is right: sub-consciously encouraging our children to accept abuse, either at home or in school, will only perpetuate the problem.

Helpful Blogs for Parents of Boys

There are 250 blogs participating in this year's blogathon! In 2009 -- the first year I participated in the blogathon -- there were less than 30.

That year, I ran a full list of participating bloggers. This year, I'm going to suggest some blogs that you might enjoy:

Amanda Steinhaus – Ms. Panda’s Blog, Poetry, children’s stories, playwriting and more. Last year, she posted My 5 Favorite Children's Picture Books.

 Anna Murphy – Murphy Baby, Wife and mama to baby Ronan. Recorded words because I never want to forget what this feels like.Anna is mama to a baby boy, and she'll remind you of that sweet first year all over again.

Cariann McCready – Unionvale Mom’s Spot, Rural life with family, food, crafts and books. She's a homeschool mom of two boys!

Claudia Neely – Social Skills Success, Teaching parents of special needs teens, pre-teens and young adults how to mainstream their kids into successful peer groups and more. Claudia specializes in dealing with kids who have ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorders, Anxiety Disorders and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders.

Danielle – Porridge Report, Digital doses for the modern family as seen by a distracted mother and writer. Today's post is about how to make slime!


Debbie Kaplan – Frisco Kids, Your guide to kid-friendly events and trips around the San Francisco Bay area. If you live in or near -- or if you plan to visit -- San Fran, you'll love this blog.

Doña Bumgarner - Aubergine, Musings of a midlife mama. Today's post is about rest. What parent of boys doesn't need rest? ;)

Jackie Dishner - Bike with Jackie, Your guide to inspiration, encouragement, quirky stories, laughs and life-changing adventures. Jackie blogs all about self-improvement, and she's not afraid to share her struggles either.

 Jan Udlock – Imperfect Mom, Professional writer, parenting expert, mom of five. Jan's a homeschooling mom of five. Two years ago, she wrote a guest post for Blogging 'Bout Boys during the blogathon.

Jenni Derryberry Mann - Mamahhh, Navigating the labyrinth of motherhood one breath at a time. She has happy birth stories!

Jennifer Patrick - Still Living the Dream, Raising two young kids in my 40s. Jennifer won an award for her rock-star costume at her daughter's recent piano recital -- except she wasn't wearing a costume!

Kate Reilly – Polkadot Suitcase, Finding fun through creative living. Kate's a homeschool mom of two boys. She's also written some amazing, hands-on learning books.

Katy Manck - Books YA Love, Recommending young adult books beyond the bestsellers. Need help finding your teens something to read? Look here!

Kirsten Oge – Puppy Paws and Dirty Noses, First time mom and housewife. Kirsten has an adorable 4-month-old son -- and blog title that just screams "boy!"

Leah Ingram – Suddenly Frugal, How to live more on less money. Leah always has some great tips.

Liz Sheffield - Motherlogue, A mother talks about mothering, writing and life. Check out her post about Facebook and parenting.

Sandra Hume – Little House Travel, Everything Little House fans and their families should know about traveling to places Laura Ingalls Wilder called home. Plan a trip?

Sarah E. Ludwig - Parenting by Trial and Error, The learning curve in raising kids. During my first blogathon, Sarah wrote a  guest post about the mysteries of raising boys.

Stephanie Vozza – Five Minute Mom’s Club, Simplify, simplify, simplify. Then organize. Stephanie has a husband, two boys, two dogs -- and some tips to help you manage your life.

Tere Scott - Teachable Scotts Tots Homeschool, Parenting and homeschooling; and Elephant Ears Learning, Homeschooling resources and tips.

Want more? The full list of 2012 Blogathon participants is here.

Blogathon 2012!

You'll be hearing a lot more from me this month.


Today is May 1, and it's the official kick-off day for Blogathon 2012, an event planned and sponsored by Michelle Rafter of WordCount. The Blogathon is a challenge -- participants are supposed to blog every day for the month of May -- but it's also a chance to connect. Blogathon participants connect with one another, but more importantly, they connect with their blog readers. That's what I want to do this Blogathon: connect with you.

The timing couldn't be better. I'm back from the annual conference of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, where my article, "Help Your Son Succeed in School," received 1st place in the Service category in the organization's 2012 Outstanding Article competition. The award -- and the positive attention my article has received -- has inspired me to re-commit to the purpose of this blog. I write this blog for you, parents of boys, and I want my words and resources to help you as you parent your sons.

So let me ask you:

• What confuses you about your boys?
• What questions do you have about your sons' development?
• What challenges do you face parenting your boys? With their education?
• What resources have you found particularly helpful?

Throughout the month of May,  I want to make sure that I'm touching on issues near and dear to your heart. I also plan to experiment with a variety of different types of blog posts, including the promised author chat with Kate Stone Loambardi, author of The Mama's Boy Myth. I'll connect with other other blogathon bloggers as well, and will probably participate in some of the crazier blogathon events, including Haiku Day and Wordle Day. (Actually, I'm really looking forward to Wordle Day! If you don't know what a Wordle is, check it out here.)

It's time to shake things up. Let the Blogathon begin!

Blogging Lessons for Parents

Have you ever watched a bunch of marathoners at the finish line? Some stride through confidently throught the finish (only to puke on the other side). Others grimace and groan, determined to push through to the end. Still others stagger and crawl, the tears streaming down their faces a mixture of pain and pride.

The Word Count Blogathon is like that. Some, like Jackie Dishner at BIKE with Jackie, make it look easy. The rest of us are just grateful to have finally reached the finish.

Today, bloggers from around the world come together to reflect on the Blogathon. There's a wrap party on Twitter (join us at 8:30 am PST, #Blog2010). Blog posts celebrating lessons learned are lighting up the blogosphere. So I began to ponder -- What did I learn from the blogathon this year? -- and realized that my top four lessons apply to parenting as well. Take a look:

Four Lessons for Parents and Bloggers

1. You can't expect greatness all the time. It's pretty hard -- no, make that impossible -- to create a magnus opus every day. The only way to blog every day is to let go of your need for perfection. You need to accept the fact that some days, you'll only have the energy for a haiku. Or a borrowed YouTube video. Parenting is the same way. Some days, we're on our game, whipping up tasty, healthy meals while planning interesting activities and excursions. Other days, we order in pizza and let the kids watch TV and IT'S OK! Parenting, like blogging, is a long haul adventure.

2. Reaching out makes a difference. One of the main benefits of the Blogathon is the chance to learn from and interact with other bloggers. Participants are encouraged to visit others' blogs, to comment, to guest post, to share insights. Last year, I was an active particpant in the Blogathon, visiting and commenting on almost every blog in the bunch. I went above and beyond and hosted weekly blog exhanges, thereby creating relationships with other writers that last to this day. (The ever-hilarious and consummate professional Ron Doyle is currently designing my professional website.) This year, I was overwhelmed with deadlines (a GOOD problem for a writer to have!) and didn't reach out to other bloggers nearly as much. As a result, my experience this time around wasn't nearly as rich. Parents, too, need to reach out to others. Sure, you can do it alone, but it's much harder. When you reach out to others, you tap into the strength of a parenting collective. You can borrow others' ideas -- or just feel better about your own life. Isn't it reassuring to know that other boys badger their parents for airsoft guns as well?

3. Putting yourself on the list is a very good thing. We all KNOW that we need to make time for ourselves. We're heard the airplane oxygen mask analogy more times than we can count. But in the midst of daily life, with one child begging for milk and another asking for help on the computer, it's all to easy to forget to pee. Blogging is the same way. My paying work, naturally, takes priority over my blog. But all too often, that meant I had no time or energy left for the blog. (Hence, my hideous posting record in the month of April.) To blog every day, I added it to my work calendar: Blog. Just 4 little letters, but by placing those letters on the calendar every day, I gave them weight. Listed next to my assignments, "blog" became a priority, a part of my work day. Parents need to do the same thing. Schedule "exercise," "haircut" or "girls' night out." Put it on the calendar and make it happen!

4. You don't need a plan. More than one blogathoner has stressed the importance of a plan when blogging on a daily basis. I, however, did not have a plan for the blogathon. No plan, no pre-scheduled posts. And you know what? I made it through! Parenting, by it's very nature, requires hundreds of on-the-fly adjustments -- and often, the unscheduled days are the best. It's OK to be a planner, but it's equally OK to take life as it comes. Successful parents (and successful bloggers) are creative and adaptable.

What did you learn from the Blogathon? Did you like the daily posts in the month of May?

Blogathon2010: Haiku

Posting everyday can be a challenge. There's the time commitment, sure, but even more than that, there's the pressure to stay fresh, interesting and relevant on a daily basis. So today's Blogathon challenge is short and sweet: Write a haiku.

Don't remember haikus? Haiku is a form of Japanese poetry, a word picture expressed in 17 syllables: 5 syllables for the first line, 7 for the second and 5 for the third. Some great stuff has been posted today, so I highly encourage you to visit a couple other Blogathoners.

Here's mine:

Bouncing on the couch
Boundless energy in jeans
Men yet to be born

See? It's easy! Give it a try -- I'd love to see your haikus.

Blogathon2010 Guest Blogger: Jan Udlock

It's guest blogger day! Please allow me to introduce fellow freelancer and homeschooler, Jan Udlock. Jan writes for a wide variety of magazines and homeschools her youngest three children (ages 10,13, 14; her oldest children are away at college). She lives with her family on a bit of acreage in the Pacific Northwest. Her vices include coffee, chocolate, anything pink, and checking her email too often. Catch her blog at IMP3RfeCt Mom. (I'm there today too, if you want to check me out!)

When my first-born boy was young and we were living in Southern Callifornia, I was not going to allow guns in the house. And yet, when he was around 18 months, he was eating a graham cracker in his high chair and took a bite out of it and proceeded to say bang! (I had never said that.) Because he was our first, he didn’t watch violent cartoons, etc. etc. Now, 21, he reminds me that I never allowed Power Rangers because I thought that the program was too violent.

We now live in a rural area in Oregon and as my boys got older, they shot BB guns. My oldest wanted to hunt with a bow and arrow. As the mom, I did not understand any of this at all. My family in Southern California do not understand hunting in the least. However, I definitely think it’s a regional tradition.

My younger son plays airsoft on our property with his friends. Why do you want to shoot each other while running around in the trees? He proudly shows me his welts when he comes in and brags about the welts he gave his brother or friends.

Competition between my sons seems to be the constant topic at our house. They brag about how much weight they’ve gained. They talked about the pounds they can lift, press, squat or whatever they do with weights. Our youngest son is taller than his older brother and when the oldest comes home from college, my youngest son takes every opportunity he can, measuring himself next to his brother and announcing the difference.

My boys can be a bunch of cavemen. But they can still have a tender heart. My youngest has a cat that he snuggles with every night in bed. And my oldest kisses me and all three of his younger sisters every time he comes home from school as they run to greet him. Raising boys was not what I expected it to be. It’s worrisome and always a stretch for me to understand their desires but I wouldn’t have it any other way. (I keep telling myself...)

10 Blogs to Read Before I Sleep

Blogathoners all over the Internet are posting the top 5 (or 10) blogs they can't live without today. And while I can certainly live without blogs, there are certain blogs that keep me up way past my bedtime. Here's a sneak peek at what I'm reading when I should be sleeping:

Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers -- Kris is a phenomenal resource. If you want to know anything about homeschooling -- how to do it, what a typical day looks like, where to find curriculum, what math program would work best for your active learner - WUHS can help you out.

Boy Crazy -- The writing here is sublime. And since this blogger has three boys of her own, I can definitely relate to her world!

Outnumbered Mom -- Are you a "boy-mom?" This mom of four boys has written a book just for moms of all boys. Watch for it later this summer!

Living in Splitsville -- As a mom going through a divorce, I've found this blog (by a mom/writer who's a little further along in her divorce) to be oddly comforting.

BIKE with Jackie -- I met Jackie during the Blogathon last year, but continue to follow her blog because she inspires me to be a better person.

The Happiest Mom -- This blog's tagline says it all: Happy. Mother. You really can use both words in the same sentence.

Blog Salad -- Ron Doyle is hilarious. And smart. And sensitive. Plus, he gave me an award.

SingleParentSavings -- This is a new one for me (thanks, Blogathon 2010!), but I've quickly come to love it.

Project Happily Ever After -- A marriage blog might seem like a crazy choice for a divorcing woman, but Alisa's writing and advice is so straight-on and amusing that I inevitably spend way too much time on her blog.

Mothers for Women's Lib -- I'm passionate about parenting, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding, and this blog has some of the most excellent, thought-provoking articles on the Web.

Blogging 'Bout Kids and Family

Over 100 writers are taking part in this year's WordCount Blogathon. I'll post the full list soon, but today, I'm highlighting the parenting blogs.

Karen Bannan – Natural as Possible Mom, Because natural isn’t always possible — or easy

Danielle Buffardi – Horrible Sanity, Going into the mind of a mother and freelancer

Heather Faesy – Blame it on the Full Moon, My kids, writing and reading

Nancy Mann Jackson – Growing Food and Kids, Gardening, harvesting, cooking and preserving with kids in tow

Sarah E. Ludwig – Parenting by Trial and Error, The learning curve in raising kids

Kim McNeill – Kim’s Play Place, An active parent trying to make sure my kids are educated

Charles Newbery – Pine Tree Paradise, The life of a work-at-home writer and father of three

Andrea Parker – Autism Fundraising Guide, For parents of children with autism

Kate Reilly – Polka Dot Suitcase, Family fun through creative living

Melissa Sais – Digital Mom, Raising kids in a digital world

Lisa Samalonis – Single Parent Savings

Michelle Smith – Law Office of Michelle R. Smith, Because it’s your life, your family and your choice

Jan Udlock – Imperfect Mom

Rachel Vidoni – East Coast Musings, A humorous look at kids, family and life

Take a look around. Enjoy! And if you get a chance, come back here and let me know which are your favorites.

Blogging 'Bout Boys

The challenge for any blogger is blogging consistently. It's one thing to have ideas -- and quite another to commit to keying them in via the keyboard.

So I've once agained signed up for the WordCount Blogathon. If you were around last year, you may remember the May blogathon as the time I posted most frequently, the time of guest posts or the time Ron Doyle posted a photo of a chimp on my blog. If you weren't aroud last year, let me explain.

The Blogathon is a combination challenge and committment. Participants agree to blog every day -- every day! -- during the month of May and to encourage other participants to do the same. The idea is to get into the habit of blogging, but if last year's blogathon was any example, the benefits go far beyond that. I discovered some wonderful new blogs and forged relationships with other bloggers. I was inspired by their writing and they, occassionally, were inspired by me.

So I'm getting back up on the horse. Busy schedule or not, I'll be blogging 'bout boys every single day in the month of May.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

With all, ahem, respect to Aretha Franklin, this post is about respect.

My good friend and fellow blogger, Sarah Ludwig (remember her from the blogathon?) is running a wonderful contest on her blog, Parenting By Trial and Error. She's giving away a book called The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment.

Today she has an exceprt on her blog, and it's all about -- you guessed it -- respect: "It’s only natural that as individuals spend more time together, they will find things that irritate, annoy, or otherwise rub them the wrong way."

That's only the first sentence, but it definitely caught my attention! My boys are pros at irritating, annoying and otherwise rubbing each other the wrong way. And despite multiple conversations about the importance of respect, the concept just doesn't seem to be sinking on. As I told Sarah, my boys don't seem to understand why anyone, ever, would want to respect their brother. (Especially if he can hit him on the head instead.)

But this is the lesson I need to get through to my boys: "Respect doesn’t mean you have to like all aspects of any family member’s behavior...Respect [means] that you always treat all family members with dignity and seek a way to understand the world through their eyes."

Sound like a lesson your boys could use? Pop over to Sarah's blog and enter her contest.

I did!

Guest Post: The Mysteries of Boys

Please welcome another blogathon blogger, Sarah E. Ludwig. Sarah is the mom to four mostly wonderful kids, 11-year-old fraternal twin girls and a nearly-7-year-old and 5-year-old boys. She works from home as a freelance writer and blogs about the necessity of flexibility in raising kids at Parenting by Trial and Error. Sarah is also a contributor on Larger Families.

I have to admit that I’m a bit of a novice when it comes to all things boy-related. Because my experience is so limited, I could be noticing differences between my boys and my girls that are purely personality and not pertaining to gender at all, so please excuse any inaccurate generalizations I may make regarding boys.

I was raised in a family with two sisters, so there are some boy areas that still mystify me, even though my sons are nearly-7 and 5. For instance, why are boys so ridiculously entertained by potty talk? Just mention the word “underwear” or “poop” and it unleashes a series of endless giggles. Bodily functions are also a major source of amusement, often forced and always embellished, sometimes at the dinner table, much to my dismay. My daughters were never prone to behavior like this.

They’re so rough with each other too. I can hardly bear to watch them playing because it involves -- what looks to me like -- painful bodily contact. They wrestle, punch and smack each other, but rarely cry afterwards over what would have had their sisters in tears immediately.

My boys almost always take a bath together and I often listen to them talking and playing. A lot of their conversation has to do with a particular body part, with which the obsession clearly starts early. Discussions about size and shape are punctuated with hysterical laughter. I just shake my head in disbelief.

Perhaps the worst part is the amount of toilet cleaning that comes with having little boys. Unless you want your toilet to look worse than the underside of an outhouse, multiple wipe-downs are necessary on a daily basis.

Another perplexing behavior is the habitual crotch grabbing. Is that just my sons or is this a universal male habit found mainly in young boys?

“Do you need to go to the bathroom?” I ask multiple times a day.

“No,” the perpetrator always replies.

“Then don’t do that,” I say, pointing at the offending hand, which immediately drops.

As much as some of the boy stuff they do baffles and drives me crazy though, I love having sons. There’s nothing like my little boys’ kisses and cuddles; nothing like having a little guy tell me he wants to marry me and sincerely meaning it; nothing like seeing how much they want to protect me and knowing how that instinct will most likely grow as they get older.

Now if I could just get them to aim more accurately…

Guest Post: How Do You Conquer Fear?

Today's blogger, Amy Rauch Neilson, is another writer I met during the May blogathon. Although we'd never met before, we're connected on a genetic level: Amy and I are both carriers of genetic mutations known as the "breast cancer genes."

On a happier note, we're also both moms of boys. Today, Amy blogs about an universal concern.

In some ways, women in the new Millenium have the best of both worlds – the option to choose both motherhood and a career. And for that, I am very grateful to the women who came before me, who fought for the opportunities that have woven themselves so beautifully into our modern lives.

Or have they?

I’m the mother of a three-year-old boy, Theodore. We call him Theo for short. Theodore is not only named after my late father – one amazing man – but the name means “gift of God.” It was perfect in both regards for our new little one.

When Theo was six months old, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctor’s initial diagnosis was Stage 3 – with five years or less to live. My husband and I lived in complete terror for six very long weeks, believing that the diagnosis was correct – until, thank God, further testing showed that I was not a Stage 3, but a Stage 1 – with a 99 percent chance of full recovery. But even with that sunny prognosis, I find myself battling with fear and separation anxiety when it comes to my son. So, this is my question:

How do you conquer fear?

I know that even if I hadn’t faced a breast cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment such a short time after Theo’s birth, that there would still be anxiety. Perhaps not with such intensity. But I know myself. It would still be there.

I want to be two places at once. I love what I do – I’m a freelance writer and editor. I also blog on the topic of genetic breast cancer (http://itsinthegenes.wordpress.com/). And, I’m putting the finishing touches on a memoir – A Matter of Life or Breasts – the story of the four generations of women in my family who have been identified as carriers of the BRCA 1 (Breast Cancer) gene.

And even if I didn’t love what I do – I’d still need to do it, as my financial contribution to our household isn’t optional at this point.

But, the other part of me wants to be with Theo – all the time. My cousin – the mother of three and an incredibly wise woman – says if I do that, I’ll smother him. And I know she’s right. So, I don’t. But it doesn’t stop me from wanting to.

I’m an incredibly lucky woman. The type of work I do not only allows me to keep a less-than-full-time schedule, but it gives me lots of flexibility. So, in my busiest months, Theo is away from me three full days a week – but we have one-on-one time every Tuesday and Thursday, plus as a family on the weekends.

That’s a lot of “together” time. Yet, I sometimes still wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Will studies published a decade from now determine that the true-blue stay-at-home mom is best when it comes to raising children? Would it be better for him if I was home with him all the time? Or is a little time apart good for both of us? In the moments when I’m filled with the greatest uncertainty, I hear Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s voice echoing in my head – telling her millions of listeners that, hands down, mothers should stay home with their children ‘til their first day of Kindergarten.

My shrink recently offered me this advice: “You can’t live in his skin,” she said. “You’ve got to let him have his own life experiences.”

I know that to be true. And I think that it will get easier as he gets older and I see him as needing me less. At least, I think that will be the case – I won’t truly know ‘til I get there.

But in the meantime, I’m at this crossroads. And though I try to deal with fear and separation anxiety in a rational, reasonable way, it’s not easy.

Are there any other mothers out there who feel this constant tug – this strong desire to be two places at once, who wish they were two people instead of just one? If so, how do you deal with it? And what’s your take on working vs. being a stay-at-home Mom?

Guest Blogger: Danielle Buffardi

Please meet another one of the May blogathoners, Danielle Buffardi of Horrible Sanity. (Check it out -- I'm guest blogging over there today.) To learn more about Danielle, visit http://www.daniellebuffardi.com/.

I'm a freelance writer, editor and stay at home mom to my three year old son. As I'm sure many of you are fully aware, raising children can be a grueling process. And raising boys, well sometimes it's just down right insanity.

I can't speak from experience on raising girls, considering I only have one son, but I can speak from observing my close friends raise their girls...boys are wired much differently than girls.

Girls are natural born leaders and therefore tend to walk and speak much earlier than boys do. My son will be three this July and he still isn't speaking crystal clear while my friends daughter, who is only two months older than my son, has been babbling concise statements for more than a few months now.

Boys are wired differently, I'm convinced. So naturally, raising them requires different approaches. While no two children are alike in any way, you may have to repeat yourself a few more times than normal when dealing with boys, no biggie.

You will most likely end up attempting to reason with them more often than girls because males tend to "not get it" right away (and women, we know this is true even when boys reach adulthood, some of you are probably married to men who "just don't get it" right away).

But let's not overlook the positives to raising sons. We get to create the next President perhaps, and maybe the next inventor of a new computer operating system (boys are generally better at sciences than girls), and just maybe we get to raise a fine young man if we do it correctly. One who will be a trophy husband and father.

Lets keep our fingers crossed.

We have a huge mountain in front of us trying to raise men, no doubt. That's why I spend a lot of time on Jennifer's blog. She allows room to laugh at your mothering techniques and quirky hangups that your boys may have.

What do you think? Do you think girls are natural born leaders? How do you think boys and girls compare when it comes to learning to talk? Do you find you need to use different discipline techniques for your sons vs. your daughters? And do you think one sex is inherently better at the sciences than the other?