Boys, Math and Zero Tolerance

Recently my 9-year-old son worked with another 9-year-old boy to develop a series of math word problems. This is what they came up with:



Notice a theme?

"Blew up." "Died." "Crashed."

Boys are drawn to violence and destruction, and that's not a bad thing. In fact, that's perfectly, completely, 100% normal. Unfortunately, our zero-tolerance culture often sends our boys a different message -- and that message can harm our sons.

Check out this video by Alison Carr-Chellman:





Now look again at the boys' math problems. In some settings, they would have been told to erase their work and come up with "appropriate" math problems -- an exercise which would have a) seriously undermined their creativity, b) caused them to lose all enthusiasm for the exercise and c) effectively told them that their thoughts and interests weren't valid.

When working with boys, I find it's best to meet boys where they are. Work with their interests, not against them. That might mean letting your son write a poem about farts. Or letting him solve math problems that involve bullets.

I'm not suggesting stereotyping your son. Not all boys are interested in farts and bullets, and all boys, mine included, have a range of interests to go beyond farts and bullets. Use what works for your son, but don't shame him or make him feel "bad" in any way if his interests include violence or destruction. I'm not saying that you need to let your sons stockpile weapons; I'm just saying that there's nothing inherently wrong about thinking or writing about those topics.

Do you agree? Or do you think zero tolerance policies are necessary in today's day and age?

Re-booting, or How to Save a Day Gone Bad

I needed a do over.

This morning I was in a funk, to say the least. My hard drive crashed yesterday and the crash was the straw that broke this mama's back. I was done, overwhelmed, exhausted and seriously contemplating finding a corner to sit and cry.

But mamas can't do that, I thought -- the thought adding insult to injury. I can't just sit and cry because I have boys and house and work. So I carried on. Threw in a load of laundry, dressed children, oversaw math, listened to reading and set up phonics. Inside, though, I was a mess. Inside, I was this close to falling apart. Stuff was getting done, but it wasn't pretty. I was crabby and anxious and irritable, and so were my boys.

That's when I decided it was time to re-boot. I shut myself in the bathroom and settled in to write. I drew a hot bath, luxuriated in the steamy water and finished reading my novel. When I emerged, life was better.

One by one, the boys trickled back inside, asking for lunch. Boy #4 wanted sausage. #3 asked for popcorn, so he popped popcorn while I sliced sausage, cheese and apples. #4 loaded up the plate; #3 popped more corn. I seasoned the popcorn and we carried our impromptu lunch to the living room, where Boy #1 was watching, "America: The Story of Us." The rest of us settled in to join him. Soon, we were nibbling finger food and discussing the Donner Party. (Note: We were nibbling finger food, not fingers!)

Just like that, our day was back on track.

When our computers glitch, we re-boot without a second thought. But when our day glitches, far too many of us force ourselves to power through. We ignore the warning signals -- the sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs, the overpowering desire to just take a nap -- and keep going. Meanwhile, the day goes from bad to worse.

The next time that happens, I challenge you to re-boot. Stop where you are. Make sure your boys are in a safe place and do something just for you. Sing. Paint your nails. Call a friend. Cry. Stare at the wall. Do nothing. Do whatever it is you need to do to get back to an even keel. Then start over, fresh.

What's your favorite way to rescue a day gone bad?

Online Resources

Remember life before the Internet? We had to go to the library to look up magazine articles in periodical guides, then wade through stacks of magazines in a back room if we needed information for a school report. Martin Luther King Jr's famous "I Had a Dream" speech was something we learned about in school, from a textbook.

Now, millions of articles about millions of topics are available all the time. My children, decades younger than I, can watch Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and see his oratorical skills in action. I can sit in my basement and collaborate with editors on both coasts. My son can learn about real-time fishing conditions . We watch snowstorms roll in and anticipate snowdays before the first flake falls.

The Internet -- as any homeschooling parent will tell you -- is a fantastic learning tool. That's why I'm so pleased to announce Blogging 'Bout Boys' inclusion on a 100 Excellent Online Resources list!

Whether you homeschool or not, 100 Excellent Online Resources for Christian Homeschoolers is a fabulous resource. Everything is there, from math to art to writing resources. There are even links to educational podcasts about astronomy, history and more.

What are some of your favorite online resources?

Are Single-Sex Classes the Answer?

School is not usually a boy-friendly place. But what if your son was in an all-male classroom? Would make a difference?

A just-released report from Arizona suggests that it might. Officials at Anderson Junior High School say that four years of single-sex education have increased boys' test scores. Boys' scores increased from:

• 62 to 69 percent in reading
• 77 to 84 percent in math
• 55 to 73 percent in writing

But it's not enough to just separate boys and girls into different classrooms. According to Dr. Leonard Sax, a vocal supporter of single-sex eduction, boys and girls must be taught differently. "If you put a teacher with no preparation into an all-boys classroom and she still expects the boys to sit still and be quiet, you're not going to get good results," Sax said. "In fact, you may have trouble."

If the teachers are aware of the learning differences between boys and girls, though, the results can be almost magical. At Anderson, teachers in all-boy classrooms utilized competive learning environments, physical movement and visual lesson plans.

Dr. Sax believes that young boys stand to gain even more than older boys from single-sex classrooms. "What's best for a five-year-old girl is different from what's best for a five-year-old boy," Sax says. "The most dramatic success stories we have of huge jumps in grades and test scores and drops in discipline referrals are at the elementary school level."

Think there aren't any single-sex elementary classes where you live? You may be wrong. According to Dr. Sax, just 11 public schools were offering single-sex classroom in 2002. Today, there are over 500. For a complete list, visit www.singlesexschools.org.

Have you entered my LeapFrog giveaway yet? There's still time!

Guest Blogger: Back-to-School Tips for Boys

Please welcome guest blogger Alexandra Mayzler today. Alexandra is the Founder and Director of Thinking Caps Tutoring, a comprehensive tutoring company dedicated to developing innovative and individualized approaches to teaching. She participates in the coordination the New York Dyslexia Association’s annual conference, is a curriculum consultant for independent and public schools, and the author of study skills book to be published in September 2010. Alexandra spends her free time thinking about how to make studying easier, more interesting, and potentially even enjoyable! I believe you'll find her tips helpful, whether you son is five or fifteen, homeschooled or conventionally schooled.

Bounce Back to a Great New School Year

With the school year starting it is time to set up solid routines for your sons to get back into homework-mode. Here are a few suggestions to keep your sons not only on top of their schoolwork, but also maintain balance between homework and fun activities:

Time to Recharge
After a long day of school, sitting down to homework and studying is likely to be the last thing on your son’s mind. Set aside a “time out” for him to have a snack and do something he enjoys so that he can recharge his battery. Once he has had a break, he will be more able to sit down and remain focused on completing his homework.

Energizer Bunny
Help your son to stay focused on the assignments by breaking up assignments into smaller parts and setting aside breaks. Because many boys have what seems like an endless amount of energy, encourage active breaks such as shooting hoops or taking a 10-minute run. The study breaks should be pre-planned activities and not something that will be too engaging or distracting. Also, keep in mind that it is harder to bounce back after lazy activities such as watching TV or surfing the internet.

Make it an Event
It is always more fun to do things with friends. For middle school students it could be inspiring to study with a group of peers. Gather a small study group of 3 – 5 boys and allocate a consistent study space. Help the group schedule time to work and time for breaks. By working together and seeing others doing work, boys will be encouraged to complete homework. Emphasize the importance of homework and encourage the boys to spend time together not just in the backyard, but also with books.

Pencil-it-In
Keep tabs on assignments (such as big projects and upcoming tests) while fostering a feeling of independence and ownership by asking your son to let you know of important upcoming dates. Rather than maintaining a calendar of events for your son, encourage him to fill-out a test calendar and let you know when things are coming up. A family calendar keeps the nagging to a minimum because everyone can see what is going on and nothing comes as a surprise.

Parental Control
Technology is a big part of your son’s life. The TV, computer, and cell phone are his portals to information, entertainment, and communication. Teaching him about the boundaries of these technologies and when it is appropriate to use the technologies goes beyond simply putting on parental controls on the television. Have an open dialogue about the internet and phone/texting use and set expectations about times when the TV and computer can be on and also when they need to be turned off.

You can also visit TCT on Facebook. Join the new Thinking Caps Tutoring group for helpful suggestions and study tips.

9 Things Every Boy Needs

1. Destruction
2. Sports
3. Trading cards
4. Video games
5. TV
6. Forts
7. Junk food
8. Underpants
9. Fun

In case you haven't guessed, that list was 100% boy-generated. Boy #2 and a friend paused their Pokemon game long enough to help me after I decided that my list lacked pizzazz.

Compared to theirs, my list is downright boring:

1. A close friend that "gets" him
2. Access to dirt
3. Freedom to get dirty
4. Time to imagine
5. Hugs & kisses
6. Books
7. An adult to show him the world
8. Space to move and explore
9. Animals

But see? That's the difference between adults and kids. If I give my boys everything on my list, they'll be safe and healthy. But as far as they're concerned, their world will lack pizzazz.

Do I think boys need trading cards, TV and junk food? No. After all, boys lived for hundreds of thousands of millions of years without any of those things. For today's boys, though, a sprinking of trading cards, TV, junk food and video games equals fun. It's a chance to do something that's not inherently good for them.

And yet, a closer reading of their list reveals that the boys are right on track. Destruction is a chance to play with primitive urges while learning how things work. Sports are an excelllent opportunity for movement and competition and trading cards exercise boys' math and organizational skills more than any text book.

Video games develop boys' visual-spatial skills while allowing them to experiment with good and evil, while TV is a window to the wider world. Building forts exercises imagination and places the world (or at least a small piece of it) directly under their control. Junk food appeals to their desire to choose, and underpants -- well, do you know any boy who wants to walk around with his stuff hanging out?

Fun, though, is the key. My list is a great list (if I do say so myself), but if I slog through it with a sense of obligation, my boys will still be lacking. So join me -- take a moment today and figure out how you can inject some fun into your boys' lives.

I guarantee you'll have fun too.

Making Maple Syrup, Part 2

Maple sugar season is about so much more than maple syrup. More, even, than family camraderie.

Tapping maple trees and turning the sap into syrup is an education all of its own. There's science: how and why the trees drip; boiling, evaporation and concentration. There's history: we talk about Native Americans, pioneers and our own ancestors. There's math: how many gallons of sap make a gallon of syrup, the weight of a full tank, how much to charge for a full bottle, etc. And there's literature: Little House on the Prairie, anyone?

And then there are all the unexpected moments. Yesterday, for instance, we saw and heard both a woodpecker and a pair of sandhill cranes. We pryed fungus off a log and saw what it did to the wood beneath.

But more than that, even, is the fact that maple sugar season is an opportunity for our boys to contribute positively to the welfare of our family.

Some time ago, I read about the importance of work to boys. Boys, like their adult counterparts, like to feel useful. They like to challenge their skills and they like to those skills for the benefit of others.

My boys, like most American boys, are expected to help around the house. They pick up toys, put away their dirty dishes, unload the dishwasher and help with vaccuuming and dusting. But that's not the kind of work boys crave. They crave down and dirty physical work.

When we make maple syrup, my older boys get to help cut and haul wood. The younger boys unload wood from the trailer and hand it to their father as he stokes the fire. The older boys help drill holes, and even the young ones can pound in taps.

Together, we assemble and hang the bags, and together, we head out to collect the sap. At 8, 6 and 3, my three younger boys are too heavy to lift the bags of sap, but at 11, my oldest is already able to carry and unload all but the fullest bags.

For a few precious weeks in the Spring, we have the opportunity to work as a family, and my boys -- all four of them -- knew that their work is valued, important and appreciated.

YuGi Returns

My boys have rediscovered their YuGiOh cards.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with YuGiOh, it's a trading card game, kind of like Pokemon. Each card has a character with attack and defense points, or else is a spell or trap card that can inhibit or enhance the character cards. Players "duel" each other and the object of the game is to win by taking your opponent's life points down to zero.

Personally, I'm glad I could explain that much to you! The game is COMPLEX, and my boys (even my five-year-old) play it way better than I do.

My second son (pictured) is the one who got us into the game. He's always been a collector, and after he saw a friend's cards, he started collecting Yu-Gi-Oh. That led to a world of discovery: YuGiOh books and movies from the library. A YuGiOh computer game. And so, so much more.

Their dad collects football cards, so the boys are well-aware that cards have value.

They spent hours pouring over online sites such as this, researching the value of their cards and inadvertently improving their computer, math, typing, spelling, reading and writing skills. One son would meticulously type in the names of his cards, letter-by-letter, and then record their value on a sheet of paper. All of them mentally tallied life points every time they dueled.

Money skills were involved as well, as each child had to save up and make his own decisions about which packs of cards to buy when. YuGiOh also enhanced their social skills. The boys connected with other boys who played YuGiOh and dueled as often as possible.

But they wanted more; they wanted to enter a REAL YuGiOh tournament! So they went online and researched options. Turns out, a hobby shop half an hour away hosts a tournament every weekend.

We went, and it was WONDERFUL! There's nothing better than seeing a room full of boys (and some girls) of all ages -- ranging from my five-year-old to fathers in their 40s -- actively involved and having fun. These kids were animated. They were excited. They were intense. And I couldn't help wondering -- how many of these boys feel like losers at school? How many of these boys are labeled "slow," "destructive," or "unmotivated?" Because in that room, all I saw was opportunity.

Sometimes, all it takes is the right spark to light a boy's mind on fire. And if that spark comes in the form of a multi-colored trading card, I'm all for it.

Enjoy the Game!

My boys aren't (yet) big football fans -- although being in Packer Country, they all avidly followed the Brett Favre retirement/un-retirement saga with interest. But they all know who's playing in the Big Game today (go Arizona!), and I'm sure they'll sneak a peek while their Dad watches the game.

And who knows? Just like their uncles, my brothers, they might learn to multiply by watching football. My brother, Doc, had his 7 times tables down by 2nd grade, thanks to football!

For an example of some more football math, check here and here.