Friday, March 27, 2009

"Youngest Dad" is Not the Dad

Last month, I wrote about Britain's Alfie Patten, the 13-yr-old who,it was believed, fathered a child with his 15-yr-old girlfriend.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at this mess of a situtation), within days of baby Maisie's birth, a number of other teenage boys stepped forward and said, Hey, I could be the father as well!

So Alfie's parents demanded DNA testing -- which has proven that young Alfie is NOT the girl's father.

My heart breaks for him anyway. Either way, he will carry the scars of this tragedy for life. For months, this 13-yr-old -- who, at most, should be worrying about peer pressure and drugs and alcohol -- has believed himself to be responsible for another life. For the past month, he has been shuttling back and forth between his house and the home of his girlfriend and supposed-daughter, helping share infant care duties. And ready or not, I'm sure that some part of him has bonded with this child that is not his.

Check out this video:

Then please, please make sure your sons know the facts well before they need them. Make sure they know how babies are made, and how NOT to make them. Make it perfectly clear that your sons can come to you, at anytime, and talk about anything.

It might be too late for Alfie, but I never want to see another boy go through a similar hell.


  1. i agree this is a very sad story and i think it is worse because he looks much younger than 13. regardless his life will be forever changed by this

  2. I've collected some things over the years about unschoolers and their parents and how to deal with this or that concerning sex.

    The collection is here:

    I gave my boys condoms before they thought they would ever need them. I said I didn't want the first time they used one to be the second time they needed one. I have a girl, too, and I kept the lines of communication open and helped her with such matters as well.

    Some parents see this as condoning or encouraging sex. Many of those parents are grandparents. I'm not. Although my kids are 17, 20 and 22, they know enough to keep themselves AND their friends away from dangerous, sneaky, risky behaviors. Parents who keep information from their children or tell them to "simply" abstain are doing a disservice to people beyond their own families. (The two young teens in the video above are a drop in that ocean.)

  3. Thanks for including that link, Sandra. My oldest is 11 and while we've had talks about growing up and physical changes, I hadn't given *any* thought to how I'd handle things like porn. Lots to think, reflect and think about some more.


  4. this is the first i've seen that poor little boy, and as stated earlier, he sure looks a whole lot younger than 13! it is sad...and i'm sad for him. i remember how i felt holding my baby for the first time...and i know how i handled it as a "mature" adult. i can't even begin to imagine the emotions that ran through his head as he held that little girl! and i have to think that at least a little part of him is relieved because he knows he was way too young...but at the same time, he has formed a bond. so hard!